Theres this bar I used to go to. Well, there's many bars I used to go to haha! Ive always had this ability to kinda fit in, or feel comfortable anywhere.. I could hang at the bars around Harvard University and chat with the professors and grad students, I could go to the bars the Irish immigrant laborers called "home", I blended in at the places the college kids hung out ( people tell me I look younger than I am), i can feel confident walking into the places a lady shouldnt go. Ive always been able to get along and find some common ground with just about anyone. I always had a favorite dive bar in any given neighborhood, though. Sometimes this would be my first or only stop, oftentimes these places would be my last stop after visiting other bars. I always made friends with the bartenders, seeing as I work in the industry myself. I've been thinking about this guy who was the afternoon bartender at one of my old faves. This guy had worked in the business all his life, but as he grew older he decided he wanted to work " normal people hours"- he worked 10am to 7pm Monday through Friday, and we became quite close after years of me being a regular. I was in my mid 20s when I began going there.. I had graduated college just a year or two prior. I began going in there mid afternoon or early evening to drink my vodka tonics. At that time I worked right up the street, and lived just a few blocks away... I joked that it was my " pit stop" on way home. I was welcomed warmly, and was hit on relentlessly. I realize that it was quite odd for me to even step foot in this bar. This was a place where men went to get drunk yknow? I rarely saw another female there, and the few who dared to we're accompanied by men. Some of the guys assumed I was there for their company haha! I never had any interest in men at bars... I was there to get drunk that's it. I more often than not went out drinking alone, chatting politely with the familiar faces. Sure, I had friends, but they kinda just got in the way of my drinking lol. It's true! Anyway, this particular bartender and I became friends of sorts- he didn't have children and I was young enough to be his daughter, and he was very protective of me. He wouldn't let the guys bother me, and made sure I got a ride home from one of the good guys when I had drank too much (which was often). Just a great guy:) Now, he hadnt drank himself in close to 30 years- he never mention AA or anything, just said it didn't agree with him. He may have been the only person who really knew how much I drank.. He saw me work less and less while showing up at his bar earlier and staying longer. He saw me walk in cheerful and ready for witty banter, then morph into a silent, brooding drunk almost every day. HE KNEW. He never didn't pour me a drink, but he'd just casually talk about "when he used to drink", and was always kind. He'd tell me I have a lot going for me and just try to build my confidence. Well, I wound up moving and getting a new job a few years ago. I just haven't seen him in years. I just found out his heart troubles got the better of him and he's no longer with us. It hit me hard. I wish he would've known that I'm sober now, and his words did NOT fall on deaf ears, even if it took me a while to hear them again.
My heart goes out to you. I had a similar experience, and I still think of the bartenders now gone from a car accident. A couple - old - retired - used to sing you are my sunshine with me at the top of our lungs - they would get out their guitar and bass, I would sing harmony - My friend and I usually the only customers in their little back room bar (it was literally a back room of their home... many nights, she would come out in her nighty). I heard they retired, were driving with their grandkids - got into a car accident and were all killed. I was very young - underage - they knew it and didn't care - but they were part of my heart, and I still think of them, and the good times often. I was so young, this was before "the incident" so I was still a pretty normal drinker for the most part, but it was pretty abnormal that I would seek out a backwoods bar where the bartenders didn't care I was underage - just to drink with maybe one other friend.
I like what Bikerbill said. : ) (((hugs)))
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Gosh, that's terrible Tasha! I guess I'm just surprised at what an impact this bartender had on me. We certainly spent a lot of time together. He was this big, gruff, bitter guy with a heavy Boston accent- very different from me. But he was kinda like a big ole teddy bear with me. He GOT that I was totally helpless alcoholic, but he never called me out on it. He just talked with me, told me very personal stories, and was kinda a dad, I guess. I loved the guy. Just wish I could've talked with him about where I'm at now. But I do think he may know:)
