I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Thanks everyone : ) It's the first birthday I can remember, that I wasn't truly and utterly disappointed and actually crying about it... you know... when they did not hire a circus, or send me into outer space, or have Elvis come back to life and sing love me tender to me, and only me. They didn't have a throne waiting for me with a bed of roses to sleep on, or brand new cars, and fine chocolates shipped here on my new elephants back. All they did was love me, and give me presents, and cards, and cake and candles, and birthday songs and parties... poor poor POOR me!
Today...
Was THE most Utterly BORING birthday I have ever had, and I loved it! I enjoyed it COMPLETELY! I did not comb my hair until 6pm. Zach brought home a cheese cake made of 12 different flavors. I ate one bite out of each one, and instructed everyone else to do the same. No plates needed. Come to think of it, I did not open a single gift, for the first time ever, and that was very okay!
I had NO expectations for this day. I was truly grateful for my gift of sobriety, and that the compulsion to drink was removed for this 24 hrs. I completely surrendered to my disease, again, just like every day.
Tonight, I called my first sponsor - the one who saw me drunk, caring for my kids when I relapsed. She saw me at my very worst - and loved me today, just the same as in the beginning. She reminded me of something she told me during my first weeks. "Don't criticize God's work... God doesn't make junk." For the first time in longer than I could remember, for at least a moment, I didn't feel like total junk.
Today - this gift of today, I'm sorry for all the other august 8ths I spit on and criticized. I'm sorry for calling myself junk, and I am willing to have these - and all of my defects of character removed as He see's fit.
I am overjoyed and thrilled with my lesson... my gift for today - thank you God - and thank you all.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Stop talking like that. Your sixty Pappy not 80. Who knows, maybe your golden years will be more liberating. The last thing this alcoholic needs is another death scare, especially at my age. So keep both feet out of those graveyards, okay Pappy. There's a lot more living to do.
You're right M.D. ... Can't believe I actually said that stuff ... guess it was late and my meds were doin' my talking for me ... Sorry ... you're right, no need to be anything but positive ... at least I can still feed myself and wipe my own butt ... HeeeHeee
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You're right M.D. ... Can't believe I actually said that stuff ... guess it was late and my meds were doin' my talking for me ... Sorry ... you're right, no need to be anything but positive ... at least I can still feed myself and wipe my own butt ... HeeeHeee
Okay Pappy, I could of done without the whole butt wiping analogy. But you're right, there's so much to live for in sobriety, even when your old. Thanks for reminding me of that.
