When you were drinking and/or using, what thoughts would be running through your head that were so annoying and difficult that you just wanted to check out? Those thoughts could give you a clue into what your resentments are.
Some resentments are just hurts you have that you might know do not make sense...but they are there anyhow.
that's my issue, those thoughts haven't gone away, they're just all about me (uh haha as usual). "you shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have said that. I'm an idiot. I'm not good enough. That person hates you." type stuff.
If I think too hard, I'll complicate it. If I don't think about it at all... They'll creep up on me?
Col- your absolutely right. I'm sure my sponsor would help me remember. Funny how that works though with our speachbpatterns. That love dare said not to speak negative. And now I'm having difficulty thinking negative. Curious, very curious.
-- Edited by Neophyte on Wednesday 8th of August 2012 08:50:49 AM
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Yesterday, I was sitting down to begin the resentments piece of my 4 step. I meditated for a little while before I sat down with it. And then I looked and thought... Resentments? I don't have any... Except myself.
I'm honestly curious. Has your mind ever gone blank when filling out a section of a 4step? I kinda feel like i walked through Lethe (a mythical Greek river of forgetfulness that symbolizes "forgive and forget")
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
YES!! I have been to Lethe myself:) I'm also working on 4th step.. Some of my resentments are fairly obvious. My sponser actually pointed out a few she's heard me just mention in conversation throughout the course of past 3 months. My reply was " yes, but they're legitimate resentments" lol.. She said " ummm, ya. You've got to put those ones down, too." duh.. I had to laugh at myself.
When you were drinking and/or using, what thoughts would be running through your head that were so annoying and difficult that you just wanted to check out? Those thoughts could give you a clue into what your resentments are.
Some resentments are just hurts you have that you might know do not make sense...but they are there anyhow.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
When you were drinking and/or using, what thoughts would be running through your head that were so annoying and difficult that you just wanted to check out? Those thoughts could give you a clue into what your resentments are.
Some resentments are just hurts you have that you might know do not make sense...but they are there anyhow.
that's my issue, those thoughts haven't gone away, they're just all about me (uh haha as usual). "you shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have said that. I'm an idiot. I'm not good enough. That person hates you." type stuff. If I think too hard, I'll complicate it. If I don't think about it at all... They'll creep up on me? Col- your absolutely right. I'm sure my sponsor would help me remember. Funny how that works though with our speachbpatterns. That love dare said not to speak negative. And now I'm having difficulty thinking negative. Curious, very curious.
-- Edited by Neophyte on Wednesday 8th of August 2012 08:50:49 AM
Neophyte, it's common for people with low self esteem to blame themselves for other's actions. Or resentments turned inward, when we are afraid to be angry toward someone else. This is a common reason for depression. Perhaps you can sort this out by looking at the resentments toward yourself and think of others that were involved. Then think about those persons and see if there are any feelings about them that you might have buried.
With my low self esteem, I was resentful to my older sisters (a lawyer and an electrical engineer) and to my parents for putting so much educational and academic pressure on us that I grew up thinking I was the stupid child of the 3 and the helpless baby. I played that role for a long time. I was resentful that mental illness skipped my sisters and I had the anxious and depressive breakdown. I was resentful that my life (seemed at the time) full of more challenges than I wanted (mental health issues, being gay...) I was resentful of others who seemed to just be cruising through life living the american dream while I was struggling so hard. Of course now I know that this victim mentality was what was keeping me sick for soooo long. The steps 4 through 9 had me praying for change and then acting in ways to go against those defective beliefs and patterns.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Ditto i have struggled with low self esteem , and when faced with the 4th step i had same thoughts and feelings. Keep digging try to get to tthe root of your self esteem problems you'll find some resentments believe me.
__________________
Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Yeah, no kidding rob and Lin... I started by writing a list of all the people I know starting from my current closest and ending with people I haven't seen in years. And then thought about each individual relationship with that person. I've found that the longer I've gone without seeing them, the easier it is for me to find the resentment. Oh! And going back to unmanagability... My life is not unmanagable because of me... It's my boss, my landlord, my clients, wells Fargo, my dead grandmother, my father... Wow. Ok... Better start writing this down.
__________________
In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
Yesterday, I was sitting down to begin the resentments piece of my 4 step. I meditated for a little while before I sat down with it. And then I looked and thought... Resentments? I don't have any... Except myself. I'm honestly curious. Has your mind ever gone blank when filling out a section of a 4step? I kinda feel like i walked through Lethe (a mythical Greek river of forgetfulness that symbolizes "forgive and forget")
Yeah, out of fear. I was never comfortable giving out that information, but rest assured I finally did. Then, came the relief. I'm no longer embarrassed about my past, how about you?
