This may help a little ... ... ... below is two different conversations I had with my sponsor ... as best as I can recall :
1st of All
Sponsor: 1st of all, Its your thinking that's wrong.
Sponsee: How much of my thinking is wrong?
Sponsor: We always start with all of it then if there's any, any good, well let you know.
Sponsee: You put a sign up that sez.. THINK, THINK, THINK.
Sponsor: Thats for us Now were go'n to give you some things to do and things not to do.. Now the things well give you not to do is go'n to change the things we give you to do, you're go'n to add to Then its go'n to happen over here.
Sponsee: What's go'n to happen over there?
Sponsor: We don't know but it always happens!!!
Sponsee: I'm going to tell you something. Ive been listening to you and listening to you Now you listen to me..I DO NOT UNDERSTAND..
Sponsor: AND THAT'S IT & DONT YOU EVER FORGET IT.
There's two things you must remember every day for the rest of your days
1. No matter what's go'n on in your life You Do Not Understand .then you'll have understanding
And when you quit trying to understand, then you can enjoy it.
2. No matter what your situation is, .its never them. .never her, never him never God, its YOU that must become different than you ever have before.
Sponsee: How do I do that?
Sponsor: Oh! You can't!
Sponsee: What the Hell you tell'n me that for???
Sponsor: That's what's go'n to happen to ya.
NOW IM GOING TO GIVE YOU THE KICKER.
This is the very one thing that got you here But its the very one thing that,. .should it not change, ..will be the very one thing that's going to keep you from getting all the things that God has for his children..
As long as you know that you know,. you'll never know. But when you begin to do what we tell you not to do and to do and begin to know that you don't know,. then you'll begin to know..
Sponsee: Hell, you're crazy
Sponsor: I know
Prayer
Sponsor: Do you feel like when you pray to God, that you don't mean it?
Sponsee: That's right and I am not going to do it! Im not go'in to be a hypocrite!
Sponsor: That has absolutely noth'n to do with it. Its the ACTION that youre take'n that you don't know you're take'n that's go'n a cause all the things to happen. .that you had no idea that was go'n to happen cause once you take the action you don't know you're take'n and all the things happen that you had no idea was go'n to happen By the time all that happens. what you think has to happen will never need to happen!!!
Sponsee: Hell, I got that for Gods sake.
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 01:28:48 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
LMAO ... ... ... Damn, you're really pretty sharp!!! .... probably pretty too! ... Thanks Colleen, I really did need that ... ya see, analyzing is what I did for a living ... so I analyzed everything to death ... (one of my biggest defects) ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 1st of August 2012 01:31:09 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
So I think I've figured out why I've been feeling "stuck" lately. I simply feel as though I've stopped progressing in the program. Spirituality is more of an issue than I had thought for me. It's not that I don't believe in a higher power, I do believe I've had some strange, distant relationship with this HP throughout my life. Here's the thing, though, I've just thought He couldnt be bothered with me and my trivial problems. I clearly remember as a child being raised in a disastrously abusive home and praying..begging God to help me. I didn't feel as though He did. Now, I was a child and didn't understand a God beyond what I wanted from Him. I cursed Him..told Him to go f himself.. I didn't need Him. I felt abandoned by God, and this manifested itself as rage and self punishment. Ive had a very distant relationship with Him since. Why would he care a bit about me with wars, people starving to death, rampant diseases blah blah. It has been a LOT more difficult for me to reconnect with God than I had imagined. Where do I begin? I say "prayers" every night, but often they feel hollow. I am truly grateful, and believe God spoke to me on my first day of sobriety without a doubt.. But I'm having trouble thinking that He wants to be called on by me on a daily basis. Today's reading in "Daily Reflections" is "the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it". Seems simple enough, but I'm struggling with it. This probably explains why I've been in such turmoil as of late. Should I begin just " faking it til I make it" or what? My faith is not as solid as it should be, and I know I can't progress until I get over my troubled relationship with God.
This is not an unusual feeling for people like us with sick minds ... I think most of us go through a period similar to what you just described ... We always felt as kids, if we asked God for this or for that, and we were good enough, then we had earned His favor and deserved His grace ... That is NOT how it works ... When mankind was created, we were given 'freedom of choice' ... freedom to do and think as we pleased ... and when men started to exercise their will without giving thanks to nor acknowledging God's glory, then evil was given an open door to spread ... (Adam & Eve had everything, they did not have a care or worry in the world ... yet they were given the freedom of choice ... they were not to eat the fruit of one single tree, but could eat from all the many others ... you know the story ... and you also know the results, that mankind has had to live with since ...)
God did not force us to praise or love Him ... it's a choice ... God is 'Love' and love cannot be forced ... All the bad conditions that exist in the world today was brought about by men, not God ... why doesn't God fix the wars and the violence and the murders ??? ... because He gave us that choice ... How can we truly love a God, if we are forced to do His bidding rather than choose to do so ??? Freedom is a great gift to us, but we humans have sought to do things for our own selfish ends rather than to ask for guidance in doing things the way He sees fit ... ergo, we are punishing ourselves ...
Working this program has 'opened my eyes' to many things that I was blind to in the past ... when my prayers started being for the welfare of others rather than for my own selfish reasons, then I began receiving blessings that I never asked for ... they just came ... There will be trials ... there will be death, disease, murder, rape, and many others evils to roam this land ... but I choose to put myself in God's hands for guidance and strength and love ... may His will be done, not mine ...
Here's a re-print of a post I did a long time ago ...:
Me: God, can I ask you a question?
God: Sure.
Me: Promise you wont get mad.
God: I promise.
Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do you mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late.
God: Yes.
Me: My car took forever to start.
God: Yes.
Me: At lunch they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait.
God: Yes.
Me: On the way home, my cell phone went dead just as I picked up a call.
God: Yes.
Me: And on top of it all, when I got home I just wanted to soak my feet in my new foot massager and relax, but it wouldnt work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?
God: Let me see, the Death Angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of MY angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
Me: (humbled): OH...
GOD: I didnt let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road. I was keeping you safe.
Me: (ashamed): OH
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didnt want you to catch what they have; I was protecting you, and I knew you couldnt afford to miss work.
Me: (embarrassed): Ok...
God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to lie about what you said on that call. So, I didnt even let you talk to them.
Me: (softly) I see, God.
God: Oh and that foot massager? It had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didnt think you wanted to be in the dark. I was protecting you.
Me: Im sorry, God.
God: Dont be sorry; just learn to trust me.....that I'm always trying to protect you.
Me: I will trust You.
God: And dont doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan.
Me: I wont God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.
God: Youre welcome child. It was just another day being your God. I love looking after my children.
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks pappy:) I know a lot of people have probably felt this way, I just haven't heard it vocalized. Love the revisit of the old post. This may be way off track, but my sponser told me a while back that the people she knows in the program who were raised strict Roman Catholic have the toughest time with the spirituality aspect. I remember believing 100% that the abuse I experienced from my father was a direct punishment from God. Maybe a small part of me STILL believes that.
At the start of my recovery I remember just praying to God for a relationship with Him. I didn't have one, but I knew I needed one if I was to be able to work this program. Sixteen months later, I do feel that prayer was answered, in His time and in His way. Sure, I still have a lot of questions and even a few doubts, but I don't feel alone anymore. God, as I understand Him, is a part of my day. I speak with Him all the time now and I feel heard. That doesn't mean when I ask for something, I get it. It just means I believe that Something greater than myself has control of the reins now and I can relax and just focus on what I can control...staying humble and willing, being kind and honest, helping others. I am a work in progress and so is my relationship with God. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Lol pappy!! Sometimes it just takes some people longer than others to "get it" hahaha.. I prefer to think of myself as 'stubborn' (as opposed to 'dumb') lmao
Stubborn? .... that's a whole 'nother thread ... LOL ... well, gotta go to the heart doctor now ... he lets me know whether to plan for tomorrow or NOT ... Yep, he's one to say, live for today, tomorrow will take care of itself ... LOL ... and he's always right!!! ... Course I have to remind him that Jesus said that first ... LOL
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Note that it says above "made a decision" it doesn't say you have it all figurd out all at once "spiritual progress not perfection" the quote below is simply a place to start
pg 53 big book When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?
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Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Me too. I never had a problem with my higher power, at least not at first. We just stopped communicating that's all. I guess it was my pride mixed with some heavy emotions. That, and the whole 'hell' part turned me off as well. I mean, how can 'hell' be any worse than this world anyway? Besides, didn't God know who I was? Well, that's all changed -thank God, and the rest has been worked on over time. So give time, time and recovery that much more. The rest you can figure out from there.
Sponsee: I'm going to tell you something. Ive been listening to you and listening to you Now you listen to me..I DO NOT UNDERSTAND..
Sponsor: AND THAT'S IT & DONT YOU EVER FORGET IT.
There's two things you must remember every day for the rest of your days
1. No matter what's go'n on in your life You Do Not Understand .then you'll have understanding
And when you quit trying to understand, then you can enjoy it.
2. No matter what your situation is, .its never them. .never her, never him never God, its YOU that must become different than you ever have before.
See Colleen,??? ... ... ... when you stop trying to 'understand', then you can enjoy life, without the turmoil ... ... ... You have shown a 'GIANT' leap of progress in just your last post ... It did my heart lodes of good to read your last post ... I took a real deep breath and sighed, with 'gratitude' in my heart ... Your post is worth sharing again ...:
Ok, so after giving my two prior posts in this thread some More thought, I realize I am wrong. I'm sitting here thinking my prayers are empty, and struggling with whether or not God is 'too busy' or pissed off at me or something and I realize..MY PRAYERS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED. Every day I don't drink they are answered..every day I get through, every kind friend I have, every day I get through being kind to others, every opportunity I have to help someone else or offer kind words or advice. The fact that I'm alive, in one piece, employed and with a great place to live. These things are all answers to my prayers. That's it. It really IS that simple. AMEN:)
This is a common place to realize you can "Let GO, and Let GOD" ... ... ... Accept things as they are, do the best you can, ... become knowledgeable of what you can and cannot change, and be grateful for what you have ...
Took me years to get to where you are Colleen ... ... ... it was right about here that I'd just say "I don't get it" and my solution was to go get drunk so I wouldn't have to think it through ... You've completed a big step in my book ...
Love Ya,
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Thursday 2nd of August 2012 02:23:38 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Ok, so after giving my two prior posts in this thread some More thought, I realize I am wrong. I'm sitting here thinking my prayers are empty, and struggling with whether or not God is 'too busy' or pissed off at me or something and I realize..MY PRAYERS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED. Every day I don't drink they are answered..every day I get through, every kind friend I have, every day I get through being kind to others, every opportunity I have to help someone else or offer kind words or advice. The fact that I'm alive, in one piece, employed and with a great place to live. These things are all answers to my prayers. That's it. It really IS that simple. AMEN:)
Remember that it's a simple program. You'll miss the forest for the trees if you look for a rational answer to everything. If there was one we'd book into a hospital and they'd change our diet or give us a pill or something. But it isn't like that. For it to work you need to have a leap of faith, and that's not something that is easily - if at all - explainable. We've got a lot of 40 year plus members around here and when you ask them for their best advice it's don't drink one day at a time and keep things simple. I chased my tail on all these things before I decided to listen to them and suddenly things just got better when I took it at face value that things beyond my comprehension were working for me.
Ok, so after giving my two prior posts in this thread some More thought, I realize I am wrong. I'm sitting here thinking my prayers are empty, and struggling with whether or not God is 'too busy' or pissed off at me or something and I realize..MY PRAYERS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED. Every day I don't drink they are answered..every day I get through, every kind friend I have, every day I get through being kind to others, every opportunity I have to help someone else or offer kind words or advice. The fact that I'm alive, in one piece, employed and with a great place to live. These things are all answers to my prayers. That's it. It really IS that simple. AMEN:)
I have an old timer friend in my homegroup who I go to for advice sometimes....He always says in meetings....The shortest most powerful prayer there is...is "Thank You."
