My way up the steps...

Neophyte · Senior Member

My way up the steps...

TigressErica · Veteran Member

Step 1: Easy... done.

Step 2: Well... yeah. I'm religious... but have felt guilty that I couldn't give my problems over to God... Maybe I didn't want to give those problems to anybody else... even God... But I think I'm coming around to this.

Step 3: Did this long ago. I was the Sunday School teacher at the last church I attended until both couples with children just stopped attending. I WANT to serve God as I understand Him/Her.

Step 4: Hmmmmmmmmm....... This might be possible when I go to the psych evaluation scheduled for August 7th.

Step 5: Didn't I already do that in step 1?

Step 6: If He can... good luck to Him!

Step 7: I've been asking Him nonstop...

Step 8/9/10: I do my hardest to admit when I've done wrong asap, and always have. I can easily admit to being wrong.

Step 11: I do this.

Step 12: Well it IS my desire to be of service to people going through mental disorders/addictions. I'm still seeking exactly how my higher power wants me to do that.

TigressErica · Veteran Member

Feel free to tell me if I'm missing anything in any of the steps... this wasn't a joke thread... even though I add humor sometimes like "Good luck to Him!"...

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Tigress, I think I'm starting to get confused? Are you doing the steps on your own or with a sponsor?

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

Tigress, the steps as written are in an order for a reason. Speaking only for myself and from my experience, I thought I had done some of the steps, i thought I need not do some, I thought I could treat it as a buffet, take some leave some, I thought I could do them in any order, all at once or not at all.

My sponsor (invaluable) pointed out to me that everything I did, thought, felt, believed in up to now was not more powerful than my desire to drink, was not more powerful than me (by implication)

He told me that I only have to do step 1 perfectly every day, sometimes every hour or every five minutes, in fact every time the urge came on. He showeed me through my own experienvce and by reflecting back my own words that I was indeed powerless over alchohol and that my life was unmanageable. This led swiftly into steps two then three. Again reflecting back my own experience and using my own words, he showed me that this was the best, the only way forward for me.

we moved on to step 4....no professionals involved, just an honesty and a willingness to do the best job I could. Step 4 was shared with my Higher Power, myself and my sponsor in step 5.

This led to step 6 and step 7. I stumbled over step 7, so my sponsor directed me back to step 6. If there was a step I struggled with it was always because I'd only payed lip service to the previous step.

My step 4 list formed the basis of my step 8 list. Again discussed with my sponsor and prioritised. Some names were removed, some were added, some became do right nows, some became do when possible, some became do whenever in step 9.

I worked step 9 and in fact I still work all the steps in my life, I'm getting quicker and better at it (this is step 10 stuff), step 11 I'm not so good at but I'm as good as I can be which brings me to step 12 - having had a spiritual awakening as THE result of these steps (my emphasis) - not A result, but THE result. So i don't get the spiritual awakening unless I've worked the preceding steps. Each step builds upon the foundations lain by the previous one.....this is why the steps are in a specific order and this is why the should be done One Step At A Time, in Order, without looking forward to the next step.

Now, if you're going to work the programme of recovery, in my experience it didn't work when I tried to go it alone. it didn't work when i tried to do a bit of this and a lot of that but none of the other.

It worked when I followed the suggestions and did what everyone else I know in the fellowship had done.

Meetings, especially a Home group and a step study group. Sponsor. Steps.

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

This is not working the steps but a newcomer tryng to grasp what the steps are. I did the same thing Erica. Don't feel bad. They are much more detailed and delve deeper when you do them with a sponsor. Have you read the 12 and 12 yet? That might give you more insight to the steps.

Step 1 is not so easy. It is admitting total powerlessness over alchohol and knowing it has, will, and will continued to make your life unmanageable if you drink. You were just considering if you were maybe not an alcholic last week. Hence, that step really needs to be worked on a lot more for you in my opinion.

Slow down, get a sponsor in AA (not OA) and proceed as suggested by her.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Agreed...Find someone that has what you want...And let them show you how they got it. Doing this alone is pointless.

Neophyte · Senior Member

Stepchild wrote:
Neophyte wrote:
I agree with you step. I'd never try to run from 4-9. But I did find it helpful that if when a defect arises (that I recognize), it's my job... As a follower of the program, to take responsibility. I'm not gonna ignore that it's blatantly obvious that my procrastination caused an accident. I file that under steps 4 and 10. But I don't think that procludes me from writing out my 4 and 8 steps. I just think it will make it less scary having practiced not always ignoring my defects or putting off acknowledging them. In addition to that, if I hadn't kept all 12 steps in mind... Here's how things would have turned out: I'd have hit her. She's have been forgiving. I'd have been mad, probably taken it out on someone else. Maybe my boss would pull me in for bad behavior, maybe I'd be feeling guilty. I sure as hell wouldn't have made the appointments for my brakes or the vet. And if I was feeling bad enough, or scared or ashamed I might even have ended the day with a drink. So, I don't think that by using the steps to avoid being consumed by emotion or irrational decisions is in any way detrimental. Anger and procrastination ruin my life. I'm aware of these two. So if I see them, it's important to recognize these as triggers for drinking and apply the steps as necessary. I need my sponsor to guide me through these steps so I can work them properly. And that's why I'm still on 2.

One of the things my sponsor did with me was he had me read pages 86, 87 and 88 every morning when I woke up....I recommend it to anyone...I still read it. It's steps 10 and 11...I think you are talking about this.
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.
bb pg 87 & 88
I am curious....Is there something holding you up on step 2?....For me step 2 was as simple as this...
We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.
bb pg 47

step... I've got something like 2 weeks sober. I'm trying to make sure I have a full understanding of 1,2&3 before I move on. I just got done recognizing all of the ways I made my life unmanagable, cause it's not like I'm really willing to admit that my life became unmanagable since I've never suffered consequences for anything. Right now, I'm just trying to get comfortable with mentioning higher powers or gods.

-- Edited by Neophyte on Tuesday 31st of July 2012 04:19:03 PM

TigressErica · Veteran Member

I do have the 12 and 12 book but was reading the Big Book first... my sponsor pretty much just calls me every few days and asks if I've been drinking... see, I knew I needed her to be stricter and be assigning me things to read or something...

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Neophyte wrote:
step... I've got something like 2 weeks sober. I'm trying to make sure I have a full understanding of 1,2&3 before I move on. I just got done recognizing all of the ways I made my life unmanagable, cause it's not like I'm really willing to admit that my life became unmanagable since I've never suffered consequences for anything. Right now, I'm just trying to get comfortable with mentioning higher powers or gods.

That's good...You should take your time....It's different for everyone....I pretty much got on my knees and asked God to help me...Before I knew what AA was....And that's where I ended up....The first three steps were fairly easy for me....And I wasn't in a position to take a long time doing the steps...I was fricken hurting mentally and spritually...I needed relief. My sponsor didn't hold me back...He could see that. You sound like you have a good sponsor...Just keep moving forward. It's amazing!

-- Edited by Stepchild on Tuesday 31st of July 2012 06:22:23 PM

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

TigressErica wrote:
I do have the 12 and 12 book but was reading the Big Book first... my sponsor pretty much just calls me every few days and asks if I've been drinking... see, I knew I needed her to be stricter and be assigning me things to read or something...

Depends . . .

A lot of good stuff in the sponsorship pamphlet.

Sponsorship Pamphlet
http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=161&product=17

Neophyte · Senior Member

I'm not sure how to put this, and I could be wrong but...

If a person is truely keeping their mind on the steps on a day to day basis, couldn't you say that we informally work all the steps a little bit every day?

Senario (my day yesterday):
I got up and dressed, said the serenity prayer and left for work. At a stop light, I got into a slight fender bender. I got out of the car and apologised. I asked her what she'd like to do. She said her car suffered no damage and we parted ways. I found out my breaks are in a serious need of changing. I went to work, and helped some people with ADLs, and went to class. After class, I stopped at my local mechanic. Told him my issue and scheduled an appointment next week to get it fixed. My mom called me and said my dog might have a broken leg. I immediately ran over to check on him. I called the vet and set an appointment. I will meet my sister after work to pay for the visit and take them home. I finally got home and took a shower and read a book. My boyfriend came home and we fell asleep watching tv.

Step 1. I'm not thinking about drinking today

Step 2. I believe that my higher power made that woman forgiving

step 3. First things first, get to work and god will surely allow a time gap fir me to get my breaks fixed.

Step 4. I should have gotten my breaks fixed before this accident... I'm a procrastinator.

Step 5. I admit to myself, the woman I hit and to my boyfriend that it's my fault the accident occured

step 6/7. I asked god for the motivation not to sleep in on my day off so I can get my breaks fixed, and for my other defects to be less harmful to those around me

step 8. Recognized that I hit that woman

step 9. Asked her how she'd like to handle it

step 10. Reviewed my day while in the shower, and again with my boyfriend

step 11. Meditated on the events of the day and how my hp protected me and others from me through out the day

step 12. ADLs with clients, called vet for mom/the dog

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I only have one thing to say about that Neophyte...

We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.

Neophyte · Senior Member

I'm not saying to not go through the steps formally. I'm still working my second step with my sponsor, in a formal setting. I was just saying that life still sends out unpredictable events and if we use the steps to deal with them, we get little tastes of each step through out the day.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Steps 10 through 12 we live through all the steps....Keep trudging forward!

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Neophyte wrote:
Thanks tanin. I wasn't trying to take step to task, I just thought I gave the impression that I have more time sober than I actually do (thanks step) and the advice on step 2 was helpful as well. I figure at a step a week, I'll be fixed by thanksgiving!!! (uh lol jk, it was a joke)

I started off laughing Neo, ... ... but then I thought, .... ya know what??? .... that's 'doable' ... ...

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 31st of July 2012 06:18:52 PM

vixen · MIP Old Timer

I see what Neophyte is saying. I agree that you should go through the 12 steps initially with a sponsor and focus on being as thorough and honest as possible. My sponsor also told me that I can apply the 12 steps to anything going on in my life when I seem blocked. I usually find that it helps me to see what the issue is really about, whether it is because I am trying to control it, not able to release it to God, or if a character defect needs to be examined or an apology made.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

vixen wrote:
I see what Neophyte is saying. I agree that you should go through the 12 steps initially with a sponsor and focus on being as thorough and honest as possible. My sponsor also told me that I can apply the 12 steps to anything going on in my life when I seem blocked. I usually find that it helps me to see what the issue is really about, whether it is because I am trying to control it, not able to release it to God, or if a character defect needs to be examined or an apology made.

I agree...But first we have to remove what is blocking us to begin with....And you can't do that without thoroughly and fearlessly doing steps 4 through 9. No other way around it...That's the path. You follow it....Or you don't.

vixen · MIP Old Timer

Yep. :) I did the steps as if I was fighting for my life, because I was. I'll do them again and again because as I grow and change, my journey through the steps will grow and change too.

TigressErica · Veteran Member

WOW..... all this is so over my head... I'm betting I need a new sponsor... one I meet in a face-to-face meeting so as to get advice and help and whatnot in person. Until I do though... should I focus more on reading the 12 and 12 rather than the Big Book?

I'm glad I started this thread to find out I wasn't doing the AA program right at all!

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Neophyte wrote:
I'm not sure how to put this, and I could be wrong but...

If a person is truely keeping their mind on the steps on a day to day basis, couldn't you say that we informally work all the steps a little bit every day?

Senario (my day yesterday):
I got up and dressed, said the serenity prayer and left for work. At a stop light, I got into a slight fender bender. I got out of the car and apologised. I asked her what she'd like to do. She said her car suffered no damage and we parted ways. I found out my breaks are in a serious need of changing. I went to work, and helped some people with ADLs, and went to class. After class, I stopped at my local mechanic. Told him my issue and scheduled an appointment next week to get it fixed. My mom called me and said my dog might have a broken leg. I immediately ran over to check on him. I called the vet and set an appointment. I will meet my sister after work to pay for the visit and take them home. I finally got home and took a shower and read a book. My boyfriend came home and we fell asleep watching tv.

Step 1. I'm not thinking about drinking today

Step 2. I believe that my higher power made that woman forgiving

step 3. First things first, get to work and god will surely allow a time gap fir me to get my breaks fixed.

Step 4. I should have gotten my breaks fixed before this accident... I'm a procrastinator.

Step 5. I admit to myself, the woman I hit and to my boyfriend that it's my fault the accident occured

step 6/7. I asked god for the motivation not to sleep in on my day off so I can get my breaks fixed, and for my other defects to be less harmful to those around me

step 8. Recognized that I hit that woman

step 9. Asked her how she'd like to handle it

step 10. Reviewed my day while in the shower, and again with my boyfriend

step 11. Meditated on the events of the day and how my hp protected me and others from me through out the day

step 12. ADLs with clients, called vet for mom/the dog

Sure. I've heard long-timers say essentially the same thing.

Not everyone works the steps exactly the same way. It's a subjective process. You're on the right track. But it takes a while for most. Keep up the good work which you are exhibiting--trying to assimilate the concepts of the steps, rather than just memorizing the catchwords.

Get as much input as you can. And, definitely, consider reading the 12&12 book. I found it to be very helpful, much better than the Big Book in a lot of instances. Discuss with your sponsor, too, of course.

Overall, regarding ALL the steps, here is one thing to take note of:

"There are few absolutes inherent in the Twelve Steps. Most Steps are open to interpretation, based on the experience and outlook of the individual.Consequently, the individual is free to start the Steps at whatever point he can, or will."

Bill W., 1966 letter

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

TigressErica wrote:
WOW..... all this is so over my head... I'm betting I need a new sponsor... one I meet in a face-to-face meeting so as to get advice and help and whatnot in person. Until I do though... should I focus more on reading the 12 and 12 rather than the Big Book?

I'm glad I started this thread to find out I wasn't doing the AA program right at all!

Music to my ears....You're starting clear up...What is it?...Four days now?....That's awesome!...This is how I broke down the Big Book for doing the steps...I heard this from a speaker...And I liked it. The directions for the steps are in the first 103 pages of the Big Book.

Step one...Read the Doctor's Opinion and pages 1 through 43 to cover this step...That's 51 pages devoted to step one. Understand it and read step one in the 12 & 12.

Steps two and three....Pages 44 through 63...Two critical steps in twenty pages. Read 2 and 3 in the 12 & 12.

Steps four through nine....Very bottom of page 63 to page 83....Six steps...20 pages. Read 4 through 9 in the 12 & 12.

That leaves 20 pages for steps ten through twelve...Step 12 is the only step that has it's own chapter. As the others...Understand it and read 10 through 12 in the 12 & 12.

These books are text books....Refer to them when you need to....I studied them like I was taking a test....Where the passing grade was my life.....It worked.

TigressErica · Veteran Member

Stepchild wrote:
TigressErica wrote:
WOW..... all this is so over my head... I'm betting I need a new sponsor... one I meet in a face-to-face meeting so as to get advice and help and whatnot in person. Until I do though... should I focus more on reading the 12 and 12 rather than the Big Book?

I'm glad I started this thread to find out I wasn't doing the AA program right at all!
Music to my ears....You're starting clear up...What is it?...Four days now?....That's awesome!

Well it WAS 5... I think... from Thursday morning to this (Tuesday morning) would be 5. My hazy mind may have been miscounting when I said 3 days before... or it may be miscounting now...; because I just ended that drink-free spreee.

Then I just now tried calling all the contacts from AA I have, including my sponsor... and didn't manage to get ahold of anybody. Called the AA and OA phone conference lines and nobody on them right now. BLAH!!

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

It's OK....You were doing good...Time to regroup and get going again...Not many people get this on the first try....Hang in there....Just have to get a plan. You need to get yourself to some meetings....Be around some recovering alcoholics....It was invaluable to me.....You can't do this alone....And you don't have to!

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Neophyte wrote:
I agree with you step. I'd never try to run from 4-9. But I did find it helpful that if when a defect arises (that I recognize), it's my job... As a follower of the program, to take responsibility. I'm not gonna ignore that it's blatantly obvious that my procrastination caused an accident. I file that under steps 4 and 10. But I don't think that procludes me from writing out my 4 and 8 steps. I just think it will make it less scary having practiced not always ignoring my defects or putting off acknowledging them. In addition to that, if I hadn't kept all 12 steps in mind... Here's how things would have turned out: I'd have hit her. She's have been forgiving. I'd have been mad, probably taken it out on someone else. Maybe my boss would pull me in for bad behavior, maybe I'd be feeling guilty. I sure as hell wouldn't have made the appointments for my brakes or the vet. And if I was feeling bad enough, or scared or ashamed I might even have ended the day with a drink. So, I don't think that by using the steps to avoid being consumed by emotion or irrational decisions is in any way detrimental. Anger and procrastination ruin my life. I'm aware of these two. So if I see them, it's important to recognize these as triggers for drinking and apply the steps as necessary. I need my sponsor to guide me through these steps so I can work them properly. And that's why I'm still on 2.

One of the things my sponsor did with me was he had me read pages 86, 87 and 88 every morning when I woke up....I recommend it to anyone...I still read it. It's steps 10 and 11...I think you are talking about this.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

bb pg 87 & 88

I am curious....Is there something holding you up on step 2?....For me step 2 was as simple as this...

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.

bb pg 47

LinBabaAgo-go · Senior Member

The Big book actually has detailed step by step instructions on how to do the steps, literally, do this, write this, stand your head here, it's very specific, the 12 and 12 helps explain the steps, we can't think ourselves out of this thing, we have to act our way out of this thing, we can't use the same broken thinker to solve the same problem the broken thinker caused in the first place.

A good sponsor is invaluable, use the search fuction right and I am sure I have written a few hundred times on this forum what steps are on what pages...it's incredibly simple but we need a guide/translator to help us, reading about the steps and trying to understand them then trying to stay sober using that knowledge is no different then reading about 747's then attempting to pilot one without ever having taken a class, sure you will understand the mechanics of a 747 but until you take the class, and then fly co-pilot, then learn how to take off and land with a teacher co-pilot, you are dangerous to yourself and others. Sobriety is absolutely no different.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

As far as I know...A lot of people got sober with the Big Book before the 12 and 12 ever came out....I understood what I had to do with the instructions in the Big Book and someone to guide me through them...I actually used a few oldtimers along with my sponsor for advice...And a lot of prayer....Best tool I have found since coming into AA....Is prayer.

Col · MIP Old Timer

Hey:) I understand your confusion totally. When I began this sobriety thing I had no clue how to start, how to do it, or what to expect. My sponser has been invaluable to me. When I met her (somewhere around 2 weeks of sobriety, and my first attempt at sobriety) I thought I was ready for step 4. Not so fast! Haha I was stumbling blindly through step 1. She actually approached me and offered to be my sponser..it was clear to her that I needed guidance. She is really cool, and a gentle soul, but pretty old school and strict about the steps, and aa in general. It's dead serious to her. The big book is literally a textbook to her.. Every week I'm given a set of questions like I'm in college studying -essays, vocabulary , "fill in the blanks"...the whole deal. There's no way I can get around studying the BB. It's a slow and thorough process..it's exactly what I need. I'm only begining step 2 after 76 days. Her thoughts on my working the steps is I began drinking heavily at such an early age (12)and experienced so much trauma as a kid that's never been processed I need to almost completely start over. We are taking it slow. I agree. I call her every day to check in..even if it's just a voicemail. She's pretty strict, but not overbearing or rough about it. She's extremely supportive and always tells me how great I'm doing. Really everyone should have a person like this in their life. It's worth seeking out someone who fits what you need. It has made all the difference for me. It sounds like you may need a bit more structure to your attempts here.. I know I did.

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Neophyte wrote:
step... I've got something like 2 weeks sober. I'm trying to make sure I have a full understanding of 1,2&3 before I move on. Right now, I'm just trying to get comfortable with mentioning higher powers or gods.

Progress has more to do with direction rather than speed. Going too fast is not a good thing. I believe the old saying is "Don't try to get too well too soon." Something like that.

The AA program is about progress, not perfection. Same as life in general, really. Keep up the good work.

Neophyte · Senior Member

Thanks tanin. I wasn't trying to take step to task, I just thought I gave the impression that I have more time sober than I actually do (thanks step) and the advice on step 2 was helpful as well. I figure at a step a week, I'll be fixed by thanksgiving!!! (uh lol jk, it was a joke)

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

I'd gone through the steps by the time I got my 90 day chip....And I did them thoroughly...Try and set an hour a day you can work on them...I thought you had more than two weeks...You're off to a good start...I got 13 months today.

Col · MIP Old Timer

Huh..what you said in you're last post, stepchild, gave me some things to think about. That's why I love this particular "tool" of aa.

Neophyte · Senior Member

Thanks stepchild, I will. I'll probably divide it up though. There's a half hour lunch break for jobs 1&2 and then a meeting I've been making 3x a week that starts 15 minutes after class. Could snag time there too. Your input is greatly appreciated.

Stepchild · MIP Old Timer

Col wrote:
Huh..what you said in you're last post, stepchild, gave me some things to think about. That's why I love this particular "tool" of aa.

What's that Col?

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

TigressErica wrote:
Step 1: Easy... done.

Step 2: Well... yeah. I'm religious... but have felt guilty that I couldn't give my problems over to God... Maybe I didn't want to give those problems to anybody else... even God... But I think I'm coming around to this.
Step 3: Did this long ago. I was the Sunday School teacher at the last church I attended until both couples with children just stopped attending. I WANT to serve God as I understand Him/Her.
Step 4: Hmmmmmmmmm....... This might be possible when I go to the psych evaluation scheduled for August 7th.
Step 5: Didn't I already do that in step 1?
Step 6: If He can... good luck to Him!
Step 7: I've been asking Him nonstop...
Step 8/9/10: I do my hardest to admit when I've done wrong asap, and always have. I can easily admit to being wrong.
Step 11: I do this.
Step 12: Well it IS my desire to be of service to people going through mental disorders/addictions. I'm still seeking exactly how my higher power wants me to do that.

Your subject title was 'My Way Up The Steps' ... ... ... Maybe it's time to consider our way ???

Neophyte · Senior Member

And congrats stepchild!!!! On 13 months!!!!!!! And of course pappy... Don't you know EVERYTHING is possible in recovery? Haha

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Yep, I do ... ... ... (took me long enough, ... I should know ... LOL)

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Stepchild wrote:
It's OK....You were doing good...Time to regroup and get going again...Not many people get this on the first try....Hang in there....Just have to get a plan. You need to get yourself to some meetings....Be around some recovering alcoholics....It was invaluable to me.....You can't do this alone....And you don't have to!

Amen Tigress. Get back to basics and start attending meetings again, okay. We believe in you.