When I look back at some of my earliest journaling and writing and my early 4th steps I can see that I pretty much did always know the truths abut my history, my family, my patterns, and who I became. I could only call it what I saw it as, there were words I came up with that were correct, but I couldn't really trust myself and had no solution for it. I could only see things at a very surface level and it was all boggled up in my head. It took me writing a 4th step out of the Big Book, making more mistakes, and then more time to go by before I could really accept things as they were.
The wonderful thing about AA and the spritual life is that our minds are protected until our hearts grow with God enough to see things. And God is the Safety Net Who takes me deeper into healing and recovery as time goes on.
A few years ago I read the doctor's chart from the hospital I got sober in in 1999. It said, "It's better that she stay in denial about her situation." I see why they plugged me full of drugs, they just didn't have a spiritual solution to offer me, as it says in the Dr.s Opinion.
But God and the 12 steps did just the opposite. They helped me see things I needed to see and gave me a spiritual way of living at the same time, the greatest gift a human being can receive.
Imagine that!
I still have days where my head goes to dark places but as time goes by I'm slowly getting better. I strengthen myself with that special love that can only come from God, and by living by His principles...I can make use of my mistakes and keep growing.
AA has given me a sense of purpose as I heal, and a job to do that many don't understand...but you and I and God understand it...it's good, really good.
"The wonderful thing about AA and the spritual life is that our minds are protected until our hearts grow with God enough to see things. And God is the Safety Net Who takes me deeper into healing and recovery as time goes on."
Fantastic.
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In the end, everything will be alright. If it is not alright, it is not the end... Paulo coelho (also marigold hotel)
We were talking about this in a meeting today...Someone was working on their fourth step and what those steps do for us spiritually....And this paragraph immediately came to mind for me....It really is what it's all about...What is blocking us from God?
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
Yep. Great share. Thanks Odat. I go to dark places too...I try and not dwell in them as long now and I am quicker to recognize I'm there. Sounds like this is your experience also.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
