Welcome to MIP - so glad you posted a hello! You're following directions - that will come in handy in recovery : )

Hey, welcome neo! Just focus today on not using Right this moment. This is a one day, one moment at a time program. You'll be ok

Yeah google showed me lots of speaker meetings. And maybe I can get familiar with the steps by going to step meetings. I have two jobs and full time schooling, so I'm not picky about meeting types. I just know that if he turned me in, all my schooling would be nothing and I would lose any chance of becoming a nurse. So I guess it's this or... Idk.

Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second, when it can be recalled and prehaps remedied. - pearl buck (that's exactly how I feel, and I don't like that at any moment he could change his mind and turn me in. I'm looking for a new job tonight)

Neo, one day you may look back on that man and think that he cared enough to help you help yourself. But remember to do this for you. I didn't do it for me in the beginning, and I Fed up big time too.

Welcome.

A fresh start and a new company will not help. That would be running from the problem. What did you mean when you said "what if I can't get my hands on those pills?" Do you even want to be sober? If that guy wanted to "bust" your or turn you in - it would have happened. After a little time - it will be unprovable and hearsay anyhow.

Hence, what do you do when you have been given a chance to turn your life around while the consequences are minimal? Get into recovery and work it!! Forget about what you can't control, the embarassment of him catching you....your paranoia and start your own recovery program. This will allow you to hold your head up high rather than ducking your head and running off somewhere new. If you cannot arrest a pill addiction and what is at the root of that, you probably shouldn't be a nurse anyhow. PS - this is not an uncommon problem for nurses and there is what is called an "INP" impaired nurses program - I think they tend to give you one shot and then you are done though.

I am tell you this as someone who is in the helping profession. I wrecked my car driving drunk and somehow never got a DUI - By all rights I should have lost my job and wound up in jail that night. By the grace of God - That was a moment of clarity and I have not drank since. What lesson do you learn when you tell yourself "Oh if I lose this job, I can just get another one?" You will eventually give up jobs more easily to the point where your addiction tells you that you don't even need a job.... Get to meetings, start working the program, and don't make excuses.

Hey Neophyte, ... ... ...

PinkChip nailed it ... moving to a different company because one person knows what you did is crazy, ... if you really think that's going to solve your problem ...

Sounds to me like you're avoiding facing up to the real problem ... sounds like the drugs are doing your thinking and talking for you ... Wake-up girl ... Before it's too late ... Please!!!

Pappy

"A fresh start and a new company will not help. That would be running from the problem. What did you mean when you said "what if I can't get my hands on those pills?" Do you even want to be sober? If that guy wanted to "bust" your or turn you in - it would have happened. After a little time - it will be unprovable and hearsay anyhow. "

i've been taking them since I was 12, I barely remember a time I wasn't counting, sorting, splitting, rationing them out. And quite frankly I can't figure out why on earth he didn't tell. When I asked him, he said he liked me better than the cops. And I just don't want to be caught again. The logical thing to do is not be sneaky so ihave nothing to be caught in.


"Hence, what do you do when you have been given a chance to turn your life around while the consequences are minimal? Get into recovery and work it!! Forget about what you can't control, the embarassment of him catching you....your paranoia and start your own recovery program. This will allow you to hold your head up high rather than ducking your head and running off somewhere new. If you cannot arrest a pill addiction and what is at the root of that, you probably shouldn't be a nurse anyhow. PS - this is not an uncommon problem for nurses and there is what is called an "INP" impaired nurses program - I think they tend to give you one shot and then you are done though."

thanks for the info on INP. I made it to a midnight meeting last night. Someone said not to make any big changes my first year. It was a discussion meeting, but I didn't say anything. I was nervous to even have my chair squeek.

I am tell you this as someone who is in the helping profession. I wrecked my car driving drunk and somehow never got a DUI - By all rights I should have lost my job and wound up in jail that night. By the grace of God - That was a moment of clarity and I have not drank since. What lesson do you learn when you tell yourself "Oh if I lose this job, I can just get another one?" You will eventually give up jobs more easily to the point where your addiction tells you that you don't even need a job.... Get to meetings, start working the program, and don't make excuses.

I don't plan on stealing from a different job. Just not have to work with the one person who could pull out this tape at any moment. Blackmail isn't fun.

" Mark (pinkchip) wants people sober. Really bad. He really truly cares for people. He is one of the people here, who has saved my life. "

I deserved his honesty, but thanks for making that blow easier :) and interestingly enough, because of what I've stolen, I always planned to keep mom at home with cameras in every room, no blind spots. As well as hide the pills.


Thanks for your support guys. Made it my first 24 hours. I guess that's the first part of this, realizing who I am and what I'm doing is crazy ass stupid? Afterall, I haven't fallen apart today after not picking up, I won't tomorrow either.

Depending on what the pills are - You might need detox to get this rolling. I didn't mean to be harsh in my previous post but it just seemed that the whole story wasn't there so it's hard to guage what suggestions to give people based on that. I would mix some NA meetings in if drugs is the primary problem. The message is basically the same though (and of course you belong here as well) but those folks may be even more knowledgeable about the specifics of what you are going through. Alcohol is what took me down but I definitely was the type of person that would look in your medicine cabinet to see what goodies were in there and if you had enough to spare for me to take (as if that made it okay right?) - Yah.... That all came out in my stepwork. Stealing other people's medications is not new to me - so don't think I'm judging you.

Just concerned about what the medications are - what kind of withdrawal you might have - if you need to do this under doctor supervision -

Neophyte, if this is something that has been entrenched in your life since you were 12, it might be something to consider rehab over. I found the thought appalling when it was mentioned to me but now have been in recovery long enough to see that dedicating a few months to "kick start" a healthy program of sober living is worth it. If you have to take a semester off school, so be it. It's so that you can be healthy the rest of your life.

What makes for long lasting sobriety is just knowing on a gut level that drugs/alcohol are killing you and you cannot live that way anymore. Once you really accept that, you'll do whatever is suggested and it will happen for you.

"Depending on what the pills are - You might need detox to get this rolling. I didn't mean to be harsh in my previous post but it just seemed that the whole story wasn't there so it's hard to guage what suggestions to give people based on that. I would mix some NA meetings in if drugs is the primary problem. The message is basically the same though (and of course you belong here as well) but those folks may be even more knowledgeable about the specifics of what you are going through. Alcohol is what took me down but I definitely was the type of person that would look in your medicine cabinet to see what goodies were in there and if you had enough to spare for me to take (as if that made it okay right?) - Yah.... That all came out in my stepwork. Stealing other people's medications is not new to me - so don't think I'm judging you."
I only didn't mention what they were cause this is, after all, ALCOHOLics anonymous. And at first, in fact all the way up til this job, it's been adderall/Ritalin and then they don't give speed to old people so I switched to oxy/morphine/downers. I'm not suffering anything I didn't go through when I was using (sleep disturbances vivid dreams and occasionally morning vomiting). But I did take your advice about the INP, and went to an out patient rehab. I have a dr appointment on Tuesday, but they don't know why. And I don't know what I'll tell them when I get there. But I heard something about eating candy for PAWS, so I have a box of candy in my car. And if you were judging me, that's ok I deserve it. But I figured you for a tough love guy after reading your post. Uh, rigorous honesty right??


Pythonpappy- I just want my license. I love my old people. Love them like family, but stealing from them isn't right. So if I get sober to keep the only thing in life I've actually taken seriously, I'd really like to stay here.

I'm so grateful for you guys and your responses. Really. Thank you.

I wonder if that guy stopped stealing substances by going to AA or NA.