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Post Info TOPIC: Pride as an Asset!


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Pride as an Asset!
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I've recently discovered that lacking pride can be a defect of mine. I was running in the wrong direction in how I've heard regarding defective pride. Today, I realise I can use pride to get things done, do a good job, take pride in my work, appearance, actions, attitude, hope, want to develop and enjoy these things as gifts. I guess that's the difference. Not to have pride like I'm the big I am but to really feel the joy of gratitude for all that is given and received. That is the humility in pride I think.

I'm feeling passionate about pride at the moment. To feel it just to the right amount and to know it as grace from God. Where would we be without healthy pride? I was dying inside without it. It's been another spiritual awakening for me to realise I need it and it can be an asset. With it I can do more, have a happy healthy self-esteem with my worth as a gift from God, be my best self and be of a fulfilling service rather than going through the motions.

I'm contemplating making it my current personal mission to encourage (through a deep sense of love in God or a Higher Power) pride for self in me and others. So I'm going to do it, stand for Pride as an Asset in my next endeavors and be proud to! I believe this ties in nicely with practicing opposites doesn't it! What's your experience of this? Can we allow God's will to turn our defects into assets?

What do you think? Have you discovered how pride can be an asset too? I'm not looking for the downside about how pride can be bad for us. I'm well familiar with that but I have found that trying to rid myself of pride completely was throwing out the baby with the bathwater and left me feeling somewhere close to shame. I've noticed that pride with gratitude has the required humility for temperance.

I'm so very proud of all of you on a daily basis. Thank you for being here & sharing with me. I love you all, Danielle x



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Yiu make good points here. There is a place for the right amount of pride, as in keeping well, respecting oneself, looking after oneself, not allowing others to walk all over you.

I have heard someone say that it was pride that got him through the door, because he looked in the mirror and was too proud to continue the downward spiral

Of course, an excess of pride, a boastfulness - that's what is unhealthy.

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Hi Danielle,, ... ... ... Oh Boy, ... this is a tough one to sort out for me ... I had thought of posting something on this in the recent past but never did ...

I have always been told, and have read, that 'humility' is the opposite of 'pride' ... this is where I have difficulty in going along with your take on 'positive pride' ... ... Pride in reference to others, is a good kind of pride I suppose, but pride in ourselves, our accomplishments, is the unacceptable kind of pride I think ... it should be a pride of God's will being done or of God's gift of the skills or gift of certain abilities to get things done or to accomplish certain tasks, that should be noted ... not that it was in any way ME that got these things done or was responsible for the skills to do certain things ...

You asked: Can we allow God's will to turn our defects into assets? ...

Of course God can turn our defects into assets ... ... ... My take on this is He turned my addiction to alcohol(my defect) into a life changing event that led me to AA and by living the AA principles, was therefore transformed into a caring, loving, helpful person(my new asset) ... Does that make me 'PROUD' to be an 'alcoholic'??? ... NO, but it does make me 'proud' to be part of a recovery group called AA ... I feel it great to be HAPPY for my new way of life ... But 'PRIDE' in any form must be thought of and expressed carefully ...

Deep subject for my 'shallow' mind ...

God Bless,
Pappy



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I enjoyed reading that Danielle. Very nice to think about - and I agree with you : )

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Sobrietyspell wrote:

Can we allow God's will to turn our defects into assets?


Our 7th step prayer we ask God to remove every single defect of charactor which stands in the way of our usefulness to Him and our fellows...And I believe He does.....And we have to make a conscious effort....All day...Everyday... to work on replacing our defects with their opposites to turn them into assets...Will we be perfect at that?...No...We are not Saints. But we can make spiritual progress...And that's all that's asked. I think you might be confusing pride...With false pride.....Because I know I couldn't be more proud and grateful that I've made it a year without a drink. Nice post Sobrietyspell!  


 



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Another insightful message Daniella, thanks.



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Mr.David


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Hi Danielle!

Now, in the most likely fourth quarter of my earthly existence(you never know though:) any pride that I have has  been the culmination  that the God of my understanding has allowed me ,to accomplish the things  I have, to be the best that  I can humanely be. I believe that  is my Higher Powers will for me. Martial  arts,marathons,musician,parent,husband teacher,student,son,brother etc.I continue to give all glory and thanks first and foremost in any endeavor to that Power,whom I call God.. While in the grip for 25 years much had been suppressed and pride was self centered ,the  pride WE can most likely identify with. .In recovery, recovered a day at a time I am proud to serve the God of my understanding to the best of my ability and work to the best of my ability to be a good and faithful servant.Thanks for your message Danielle!!



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Thank you Bill I can identify with that. Pride kept me sober a lot in my early recovery & often in not wanting to feel the shame & demoralalisation of Day1 & also not wanting to lose the sobriety I've made the effort to accumulate in days & quality so undoubtedly I believe my pride has helped me to put myself into a position to be helped. Pride is powerful & can be a gift given from my God like my desire not to drink. Grace followed by effort begetting grace.

Thanks for your honesty, Pappy, I'm positing pride as the opposite of shame. Just to throw a spanner in I believe there can be such a thing as false humility too ha! I want to move away from ideas about what's "acceptable/unacceptable" pride. I think we can have opinions about that walking a thin line in potential for judging. I'm recognising pride as a deep, happy contentment, hope, striving that gets us out of bed, impassioned and alligned as God's will. I'm with you & can feel with you in your pride of being a part of AA. I hazard that is the right amount of pride as God's will for you. Beauitful.

Thank you for your affirmation, JaD. I love your posts here. Your reply to Bluebell so touched me about more ;) Keep them coming please :)x

Thank you, Stepchild. I love your 7th step reply. This step taught me the beginning of truly giving credit for all my good to God, This helped me out of my attachment to selfishness in my 'doing good'. Bill W said let's not let the good be the enemy of the best. I am speaking about true pride as opposed to false. There is great humility in simply carrying out God's will for me & that doesn't mean I don't have pride. Healthy pride means respectful boundaries, self-respect & self-care, responsibility. All that lovely stuff. Congrats in your 1st year of sobriety. I'm proud of you. That feels like joy for me.

Thank you as always, Mr. David. You always make me feel so valued. That gives me pride & encourages me to feel good about myself & what I can give.

Wow, Mike! With you & feeling that, brother! What a beautiful message & example you are. Thank you for your channelling power. We crawl before no one, we can serve without being servile or scraping. I see your pride as an asset. To thine own self being true. Thank you with everyone too, Danielle x



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I read this post the first day you posted it. It was so ironic reading it, as this topic has been the discussion at my meetings this entire week.  And by the way, I'm back at my familiar meetings in my own township rather than driving outside city limits. It also happens to be my #1 character defect...my good ole' pride. I've had many people in AA gently and suggestively tell me that my pride was blocking my growth in sobriety, as well as my spiritual growth.  So I suspect this topic of pride is coming up at the meetings for a purpose. 

The BB speaks about some of us being the "actors", putting on the character we want other people to see, rather than the soul suffering internally...that was me, and they knew it in AA.  They were trying to help me.

I do understand the point you are making in your posts about healthy pride, I really do get that and I applaud you for being there in your journey.

I'm a gym rat, have been all my life.  Run, tennis and road cyclist.  So how does my HP let me know He has been hearing my prayers all these years to take my desire to drink away from me?  He let me face my pride head on, and removed the mask...my last drunk was memorable,  I showed up for a spin class at my gym in a black out.  The Director of the gym had to drive me home.  To make matters worse, the Director is also my neighbor.  How's that for humility. 

So, I get what you are suggesting about healthy pride, I do.  But I'm not there yet.  I have to get "real" first.  Does that make sense?  I hope you understand.  It's just that we're all at different junctures in the big picture journey here!  :)



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Sobrietyspell wrote:

Thanks for your honesty, Pappy, I'm positing pride as the opposite of shame. Just to throw a spanner in I believe there can be such a thing as false humility too ha! I want to move away from ideas about what's "acceptable/unacceptable" pride. I think we can have opinions about that walking a thin line in potential for judging. I'm recognising pride as a deep, happy contentment, hope, striving that gets us out of bed, impassioned and alligned as God's will. I'm with you & can feel with you in your pride of being a part of AA. I hazard that is the right amount of pride as God's will for you. Beauitful.

Thank you with everyone too, Danielle x


 Hey SobrietySpell, ... ... ... 

I have to say that my take on this definition of 'pride' that you have is still a little off for me ... To me, the opposite of shame would be 'honor' ... and it would seem that the word 'honor' would be a better fit for your post where 'pride' was used ... 

I have no problems what-so-ever with exhibiting honor freely ... honor is not boastful nor arrogant ... honor is being satisfied with who you are without trying to make others think more highly of you ... ??? ... does that make sense to anyone ??? ...

Pappy



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Pythonpappy wrote:
??? ... does that make sense to anyone ??? ...

 Yes, absolutely it does make sense!  Well said, Roger.  Thank you :)



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Sobrietyspell wrote:
I'm positing pride as the opposite of shame.

 Aye. And humility is the opposite of humiliation. Took me a bit to understand that but I do now.



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I think by pride the sin is about false pride or arrogance. I have done work i am proud of , I am proud of the achievements of friends. The trouble comes when it gets out of control, too big, or the sole focus.

I think anger is also misplaced on the list. The biblical sin is wrath, which is more like vengeance or revenge minded obsession. I think anger is a natural response to being wronged or attacked. But as a lush i have this entitlement thing, so I have to be pretty careful about what is really an injustice as opposed to life on lifes terms.

For instance I was angry about paying taxes, "that's my money, I earned it". But as someone gently pointed out I was able to earn it because of the things my taxes pay for, like roads, water, police, FDA, public schools, military, etc etc etc. So that wasn't "my" money, that was your money.

A few weeks ago a bicylist ran over my foot on the sidewalk. When I protested he said "Fuck you". yes I got angry. I think that one was ok.

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I'm loving the way this topic is expanding. now we're on anger. anger is an energy, a feeling, an emotion. I do feel angry sometimes, but I don't get angry. By that I mean I realise that I feel anger about something, I sit with it and literally count to ten before reacting and acting out on teh anger (most times).

So I'm riding my bike along a twsity road, probably faster than I should and I come up on some guy who's driving just slow enough to impede my prgress but too fast for a safe overtake - do i feel anger - no (used to do because i thought the b'stard was doing it on purpose to spoil my fun), no I don't feel anger, I may feel anxiety, dissappointment, frustration but not anger.

So I'm riding on a twisty road as above and some guy storms past me in the face of oncoming traffic, cutting in way too sharply and I have to take avoiding action - as wel as the feelings of anxiety, panic, fear, I might feel annoyed, maybe angry - at myself for not seeing it coming.

So i get to the cafe and get a coffee and a sandwich. I come back to the bike and find someone attacking it with a sledgehammer - ok it's only material stuff, but you can bet your ass that I'd feel anger, that i'd find this unacceptable and I might GET angry because i don't allow the time to draw breath, and I might storm over and kick the living shit out of the guy. Afterwards i'll feel bad because i've acted out, shot first and asked questions later......

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bikerbill wrote:

 I sit with it and literally count to ten before reacting and acting out on teh anger (most times).

 Like this, my initial reactions can be real sledgehammers and black and white ANGER.  With a little analysis the anger turns out to be disappointment or fear or something else way more specific, accurate, less toxic and more vulnerable.\

I go to a pretty high end shrink and I normally don't share much of what she says but I will here.  My greatest fear is lookikng stupid (and spiders).  So I am always afraid of showing my anger (what if I am wrong?  what if a look like an ass? ect ect)

My shrinks hi end, advanced therapy in this sort of situatuion is:

"So?"

a)Who am I too never be wrong or look foolish?

b)How is my anger SOO powerful that if expressed it will have some enormous impact?

c)Didn't I spend a decade or so on drugs to prevent myself from having unpleasant feelings?

 

It's all about the acceptance thing.  It is an unrealistic expectation to think I shall never be angry.  It is not sin or a failing, it's part of the human experience. 

But so is counting to 10, taking a few breaths, quick SP THEN I bellow and sputter.



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Hi Sobrietyspell,

 

Hope you receive this quick note.  Lovely what you have written regarding 'pride'.  There is two sides to every story as well as defects.

Bluebell



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Thank you very much for sharing your humility, Harobed, I understand what you mean & I agree. I had to experience ego deflation at depth before I guess I could really appreciate healthy pride. I've spent the whole of my recovery willing to surrender the defective part of my pride & I think I missed the cut off point somewhere. I noticed I wasn't trying as hard at work when that was something I previously took 'pride' in. Somewhere along the way self-worth has taken a battering even though it's improved in other ways & I think it's been at cost of decent pride so this opened me up to the idea that as well as experiencing laziness I was also lacking in pride. My ultimate goal in this is to be a better worker & so better service to others so in this case, pride in my work could be God's will for me. I have been working better since I realised this so we'll see. I am a miracle in progress afterall! I'm sure you'll meet many discoveries about you on your journey. Godblessings wished for you in your spiritual awakening, Danielle x

Your post re honour made me smile & think yes I know what you mean but it hasn't quite shifted me from where I am. It would be a bit of gymnastics to jump from pride in my work to honour though I imagine not impossible. I'm sure there's a good link there. I'm staying here in my exploration of pride as an asset for now!

I get you too, Frodo, humility certainly takes the stng out of the tail of humiliation :)

Welcome to MIP, Mattbox. My view on your take is that I may be justified in my anger but do I really want to pass it on in the world? The beauty of this program is it gives me a capacity to transform negative to positive, so, I don't care how justified I am to be angry in those moments, I don't want to transfer such energy & create knock on effect victims, if you catch my drift. There are powerful far-reaching ripples in this spiritual program ;) Oh, wait a minute, he told you *fuck you* hahaha I'm sorry buddy he shouldn't have said that. I hope you didn't hurt anyone with your sucky feelings. Big Hug! I appreciate your share re your therapy & acceptance.

Thanks for sharing your experience, strength & hope again, Bill. Your maturity & humanity.

Thank you for your support, Bluebell. I'm deeply looking forward to witnessing your connection as it grows in the fellowship of our forum. You're a miracle in progress too!

Love to you all & thank you so much for taking part in my musings, Danielle x




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