It always boggles my mind how everything seems to be connected. The last few days I've been doing some 12th step work, just listening mostly. Sometimes we just need someone to listen and to interject that well-timed uh-huh.....oh really?.....and how did that make you feel?
So then we had our little meeting tonight and the discussion was on step twelve. And someone said you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink the water if he'd rather drink something else. All you can do is show him the water and let them know it's his for the taking.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that if I'm more interested in someone's recovery than they seem to be, then maybe it's time to step back, take the focus off them, put it back on me. That's because its a lot easier to carry the water than it is to carry the horse.
__________________
Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
Well said i was speaking to an old timer just prior to taking on my first sponsee. He told me sometimes the hardest part of helping is letting them do their own thing
__________________
Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Romans 8:6 , The Message
Amen Wolfie. I can only carry the message so far before something has to give. I just hope it gives way to something better, in us. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Good subject to bring up. 12th step work doesn't seem to get a lot of attention in our local discussion meetings, probably because many in the group are at that step yet.
I know some of the things in the "Working with others Chapter" are dated, but it is amazing how most of it still applies in modern AA.
Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he likes. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once. And you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most successful with alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.
If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more.
If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.
__________________
Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Great post and reminders. So true! I can carry the message, but not the Alcoholic. I can only give away what I have, and only want they want. Unsolicited feedback usually falls on deaf ears. I've had to use this letting go a lot with my kids and their school, sports etc......... All I can do is try to be helpful when the recipient is ready. The success is in the action of trying to be helpful. The results are not in my hands. Took me a long time to realize that.
