My father told me my entire life, that people never change who they are at the very core. It took me finally letting go of that notion, to believe I was capable of changing, and being something other than a fearful, resentful, angry, miserable person, who drank too much, among other things.
I saw that people can change when I started listening to the stories of my friends in AA.
I believed it for myself too, and began to change that very moment. This saved me from self destruction that day... and each day since, I've grown to understand that the only thing that DOESN'T change - is change itself, .
I was wrong. My Dad is wrong.
Or is he?
When I CHANGE my perception, I realize that actually - I'm just peeling back all of the hurt, fears, resentments etc - until I CHANGE BACK - to my real self. The yet-to-be-changed-self, that was hiding underneath that thick skin. Hiding there - alone and afraid - now revealed, and available for an over due, gentle and loving hug.
As I learn to be the person I love... I love myself.
I can not do it alone. I need to turn my will over to God as I understand Him.
Now the miricle can happen.
P.S.
You cannot afford to store up the intensity of the emotion that comes with fighting a life-threatening illness. Let it out for yourself. You will begin to hear your voice changing. That voice is who you are becoming in the face of mortality. Listen to that voice. It will be the purest, most authentic version of you that you have ever known. Bring that person into the world -- strengths and vulnerabilities and everything between. Be that person forever.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 2nd of July 2012 10:09:47 AM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
My father told me my entire life, that people never change who they are at the very core.
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I think if you changed the "never" to people "seldom" change who they are at the core.. Your Dad might be pretty accurate.
The fact that deep and meaningful change rarely happens in humans is one of the reasons the gift we have is so special.
Many people take their defects to the grave with them, espcially if they are not debilitating....grateful that mine where debilitating.
Thanks for bring this up!
-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 2nd of July 2012 03:24:02 PM
-- Edited by Rob84 on Monday 2nd of July 2012 03:24:46 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
It takes willingness to do the work and courage to be honest with self.
My mother and father thought they were helping me, protecting me from the world as they saw it. "Don't take risks, Be careful. Watch out!"
Compassion and love for our parents sets us free. They were operating with whatever tools they had or didn't have based on their own life experiences. Everyone gets affected, they're not saints. Step 9 in the Big Book says we take the lead in our families - through demonstration. We're doing the work, not them.
Accepting and loving my parents and self at the same time is giving me freedom.
Rob, you hit it right on the head my friend. The only way to change is to work The Steps and have a Spiritual Awakening. Many don't do the work because their defects of character aren't debiliating or life treatening. I like you am grateful today that mine were both. I received a gift many don't get.
