I recently heard a member share, who said: "Whatever you do, just don't drink."
After I thought about this simplistic statement, I realised how important it is. When I got a call from my sponsor, he asked: "Do you want to stop drinking?" By that time I had gone through the hands of psychiatrists and specialist doctors, but no one had asked me if I wanted to stop drinking. By answering "YES" to my sponsor, I had taken a part of the 1st step. It was only years later that I realised the importance of that question.
The same thing happened with my cigarette smoking. I knew it was killing me but I did not want to stop. My sponsee said: "Gonee, you have to stop smoking now." The urgency of the statement, made me say a prayer asking for help. That same night, I never took another cigarette.
My sponsor has stated that he doesn't understand why people don't adopt the idea of "Failure is not an option." I understand that AA wants and needs people to come back after relapses, but sometimes the message is convoluted so much that "just keep coming back" is taken to mean it's okay to relapse. No - it's not okay to relapse so just don't do it. If a person does relapse, they are not a bad person and they still deserve and are as fully capable of getting sober as any other newcomer, but the relapse is not necessary. In other words the person is worth it, the relapse is not worth it.
Like you stated Gonee - you quit smoking when you knew it was urgent and necessary and when you had a moment of clarity about what it was doing to you.
In terms of my drinking - It came largely when my best friend saw my car which I smashed up driving drunk the night before and she said "Mark, you need to stop drinking and go to AA. I am really scared for you now."
In terms of smoking cigarettes - It was easier cuz I already had knowledge of recovery. I wanted to be free from that ball and chain and that motivation and knowledge of how I could use program to become free carried me through a day at a time.
I guess what I'm saying is that I think that one word you used "URGENT" says a lot. When we perceive a problem as needing urgent attention, we become way more willing to go to any lengths. Also - this is not meant to bash folks that have had relapses. This disease is very cunning, baffling, and powerful - This is why sometimes simple messages like "Just don't drink no matter what!" are helpful because you can't argue with, deny, or rationalize against it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I would also add that becoming educated about known relapse prevention techniques, learning the signs and symptoms, and taking early action to stop the progression and get back on the recovery track are essential. Most of this can be discerned from AA and other recovery-oriented practices. For me, I credit almost 3 decades of continuous sobriety and clean-time with the 12 steps/fellowships, but also Terrence Gorski's identification of the phases of relapse and how to intervene on yourself. I use his book Staying Sober: A Guide to Relapse Prevention and his essential little booklet version from Hazelden "The Relapse/RecoveryGrid" in my daily inventory. Along with AA/the steps, this information has not just kept me sober, it has kept me alive in sobriety (yeah-sobriety in and of itself does not guarantee that life is pain/trouble free LOL--seriously, the knowledge and application of Gorski's wisdom helped prevent a fatal outcome for me at one point, way before I would have finally drank or drugged.)
GREAT TOPIC! Thanks for sharing! I've been in 2 1/2 years and didn't relapse today as this is my first go-round. Sometimes there are so many people discussing relapse at meetings that I try to share my experience and say today, you don't have to drink again if it's someones first time in. It's har sometimes because I don't want people to see me as puttin myself on a pedistle but I know if I'm just being honest trying to share my experience with the newcomer that one day at a time, I'll be ok. That's the other persons side of the street.
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Willingness without action is fantasy!
Say what you mean. Mean what you say. But don't say it mean.
