I got back from Belfast last night about 9 at night, to find a mass of post waiting for me, there was 2 letters from my solicitor (legal chappie) one was the bill to date and some financial paerwork to sign, the other was my decree absolute. So I am now, finally after 27 years of active marriage and 6 and a half years of separation, divorced.
Of the 27 years, some of it was good, most of it was non descript and some of it was very, very bad. Of the 6 and a half years of separation, all of it was bad, very bad. we lied to ourselves and to each other, there was no real love, just two lonely people afraid to be alone, hanging on desperately to something that died on 2january 2006, something which I buried for the next 10 months and something that I finally killed easter last year.
how do I feel - now, I'm OK, not high, not low, not happy, not sad, just OK. Last night how did I feel, that I didn't know but I knew I needed to talk so I rang someone in the fellowship and let rip - no I wasn't gonna drink on it.
So now the last bit of the wreckage of the past is swept away.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
You must feel relieved Bill, especially with everything you've been through. I know it hasn't been easy for you, but at least you're feeling okay today. So keep trucking along, my friend, it can only get better from here.
My journey from marriage to divorce was similar, except we didn't have the long term marriage-it was less than 10 years. After 20 years of intermittent grieving, and either virtually no communication (despite being parents to our child) or lots of vile animosity, my "ex" popped up out of nowhere, made amends, and has been communicating like a decent human being, telling me he is grateful I am a true friend!! Go figure. Power of forgiveness, I think, and never saying never (except to abuse). Best wishes as you continue on.
