i posted a question on al-anon message board and everyone told me to post it here.
Basically i rarely drink but recently i went to a family wedding, was having a great time enjoying a few glasses of wine and then something turned in me. I began to look at my husband judgementally and then just stopped drinking and wanted to go home. i was awful to my husband. the following two days were horrible. i felt full of rage and shame. my father is an alcoholic who went into treatment 10 years ago. about 3 months ago i found some bottles of wine in his office. i also found out he is possibly having an affair.
i rarely go out socialising and rarely drink but when i do and my husband is around i want to verbally abuse him. this is terrible i dont know what is going on with me. can anyone give me some advice?
Sounds like you may have some spiritual issues going on here ... Peace and serenity come with getting close to and talking to our 'higher power' on a daily basis ... (maintaining a 'conscious contact' with God is one of the keys to peace and happiness and acting 'civil' in all our affairs) ... But, if a couple glasses of wine spark this behavior in you, then why not 'just not drink'? ... ... ... An 'alcoholic' will typically go to an event like that and try to LOOK like they are only having a couple glasses of wine or beer, but we soon are sneaking behind a door or bush or anywhere we can gulp a few drinks in between the regular servings ... soon we make an 'ass' out of ourselves ...
At 1st glance, you don't come across as an alcoholic ... well, to me anyways ... So, I think you should simply ask yourself if you absolutely, positively, beyond a doubt ... HAVE to have those few glasses of wine in these cases ???? ... As we often say here ... One drink is too many, and a hundred are not enough ... CAUSE, you see, when we have just one drink, we can't stop until we are 'passed out' somewhere and have already made a big mess of things ...
I highly suggest you go to live Al-Anon meetings ... frequently ... they don't hurt and they'll only do you good ...
God Bless, Pappy
P.S. Don't judge your Dad too harshly ... ... ... If you didn't see him intoxicated, don't assume he got wasted ... there may be a reasonable explanation for the bottles ... as for his personal business? i.e. affair ... He's a grown man and should be capable of making his own decisions and living with the consequences!!! ... You may 'suggest' that if these things are true, he may want to consider changing his ways, but ultimately, it's his life ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
This advice wouldn't work for a real alcoholic, but nothing about you post leads me to believe you are an alcoholic. No obsession of the mind, no craving. Just a couple of isolated incidents where you have drunk too much and said silly things - many non-alcoholics have had this experience.
thankk you so much for your guidance and you are right really about dad. drink just does not suit me at all. i will attend some al anon meetings to see what comes up. i think that it was more about my husband drinking that freaked me out. he rarely drinks either but at this wedding he was pissed before he knew it. it may have triggered old memories of dad i think. not good!
Hello Mags and welcome to the board. What comes to mind is the unexplained anger toward your husband, that seems to be routed in your disdain for your father. John Bradshaw writes frequently about this. He says that our relationships with our significant others (spouses) will be greatly affected by our unresolved issues with our opposite sex parents. He spells out that we will take this out on our spouses. Right after I read that I began to monitor my behavior and quality of the relationship with my wife compared to how I was getting along with my mother at that time. It was uncannily similar. I immediately set out to resolve issues and repair the relationship with my mother. It took a lot of time, because she wasn't particularly cooperative, at first.
Welcome to "MIP". I'm not sure I understand the question entirely. You said and I'm quoting here "I began to look at my husband judgmentally after drinking some wine". Are you judgmental with your husband only when you're drinking, or does it happen when you're not drinking as well? If our troubles involve alcohol, then obviously it's a problem we need to fix ourselves. But, if we become judgmental when we're not drinking, then you might need some additional support.
There is a much bigger question at stake here beyond the whole wine scenario and that is this; why are we judgmental to begin with? Remember: "when we're deeply disturbed no matter what the cause there's something wrong with us". That's the spiritual axiom in step 10. So I feel it's our responsibility to find out 'why' we've become so judgmental.
For me it was simple, I was angry with my father and what he put his children through. But instead of lashing out on him I took it out on myself instead by drinking. That's just me though, but maybe it's time for some self searching of our own. If you find the root cause behind this incident, then you'll find the hidden cause behind your dilemma. I would, if I were you. But it's only my theory. Welcome though.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 26th of June 2012 02:06:55 AM
Welcome to a 12 step program way of living, my feelings are everyone and the world would be a better place if all tried hard to life life with such a wonderful program of living,loving and giving. :}
All best wishes that all becomes clear for you. A God of your understanding will give you all the help needed keep seeking.
