That brings up another question. Do you sort of "make up" for all the time away at meetings? What are some special things you do for the other significant person in your life to help them know you're so grateful?
Angell said, ...
As for 'making up' for all the time away at meetings, most of us have making up to do with all our time away (either physically, emotionally or both), while drinking. Time away at meetings tends to pale in comparison in most cases and in any case, the quality of time spent tends to make up for the quantity now that the bottle is put down.
The BB says we can do all sorts of things provided ... We stay in 'fit' spiritual condition ... So personally, I think you're okay pulling back from the number of meetings you've been going to ... IF you start getting antsy, paranoid, or just plain uncomfortable without more meetings, then by all means pick up the pace again til you feel at peace ...
Angell is right that the 'quality home time' so far outweighs the time we spent at home drunk, that our family usually keeps pushing us to maintain our meeting attendance ... LOL ... When I 1st cut back to 3 or 4 meetings a week, my wife kept asking, don't you have a meeting tonight? ... -or- Don't you need to be at a meeting tonight? ... (that was a long time ago) ...
Pappy
P.S. Fyne Spirit made a great observation too ... when we select a 'home group' ... We should become a solid member there and make those meetings our priority ...
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 25th of June 2012 04:37:56 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
In your opinion, was it best to pick a few meetings a week and stick to those, or just go to random ones as you could make it.
I will no longer be going every day or 2x per day, and because of the expense in babysitters and gas (I live in the country) I would like to see how 4-5 meetings feels for a while.
If you did 90x90 - what did you do after that was completed, and how did that work (good or bad) for you?
My sponsor suggested 3 meetings per week for me. I don't think I'm quite ready for that.
I'm trying to plan a schedule to give my babysitter - and it's pretty difficult to have to PICK!
I'm so grateful to recover near a city that has 2 or more meetings every day - but I do have a family and other peoples schedules to think of, and I would like to start to ease back into that life a little more. My husband for example has put himself on hold.
That brings up another question. Do you sort of "make up" for all the time away at meetings? What are some special things you do for the other significant person in your life to help them know you're so grateful?
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I picked my favorites this time. I love the Friday womens step, Sunday 11 step meditation, and Wednesday womens BB meeting. A friend of mine (stay @ home mom with small child and no car) will make any meeting that starts between 5 and 6, and we're lucky that some meetings around here have a basement with a babysitter, or they just teach the kids that it's quiet time or coloring book time. I've never seen anyone show animosity towards children at meetings.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
In my experience, I have found it best to work the steps. I don't believe the question should center around 'how many meetings' but rather, 'how much time do I devote to recovery'. For instance, I've never heard of someone who relapsed because they missed a couple of meetings to stay home and diligently work on their fourth step. Nor have I heard anyone relapse because they, while seeking through prayer and meditation, decided to continue their mediation session rather than quit, get up and go to a meeting.
As for 'making up' for all the time away at meetings, most of us have making up to do with all our time away (either physically, emotionally or both), while drinking. Time away at meetings tends to pale in comparison in most cases and in any case, the quality of time spent tends to make up for the quantity now that the bottle is put down.
Here we seem to have two types of members. Those who make a commitment to one group, their home group, and get involved in all AA has to offer, and those who are vsitors to all groups and members of none. I realised early on that it was important for me to have a home group that I never missed, where people would get to know me and I them. I visited with members at there homes and developed a great circle of friends and advisers who helped me on all levels. Through them I became involved in service, group positions, public speaking, 12 step work, all of which is very rewarding.
I went to other meetings also, but these could vary depending on family or work commitments and allowed me to have some balance after a while. In the background of course, I was working or had worked through the steps with my sponsor. Having taken the steps I found I could make commitments and stick to them, and the meetings became an opportunity to contribute rather than a lifeline.
I don't know what its like on your area, but here it seems like the 80/20 rule applies i.e. 20% of the people do 80% of the work. It is very difficult to get the second group involved in anything that might require commitment. Even if they make a commitment, they have no problem breaking it. It would be understandable if this group comprised those newly sober and still feeling their way, but there are many who have been dry for years. It was always a puzzle to me when I first came in and thought everyone in AA lived the program. How could someones life fall apart after 5 years in AA if they missed a few meetings. Why were these people always tense and unhappy and why did they have so many dramas in their lives. There wasn't much attraction for me in this group.
The home group members were the quiet, happy ones. Always there, always reliable, always willing to help, always kind and encouraging towards me. I'll never forget their kindness and the work they put in behind the scenes so the group could carry it's meassage to the alcoholic that still suffers. They were the ones that had what I wanted.
I think that 5 meetings a week is a fair amount. I would pick my favorite 3 and attend them each week and make 2 of them random to keep it fresh and be looking out for more quality meetings.
Tasha, just staying sober is the best amends you can make to anyone. You will become the person you are meant to be that is the best gift you have to offer. Your husband probably would tell you the same thing. As far as choosing meetings - Whatever you would consider your home group has to be first priority, then you should include ones that compliment a well rounded program. For example, maybe 1 step meeting, one women's group, one speaker meeting.... At least keep 1 step meeting in there as it will keep you focused on working the steps into your life and getting feedback as you move through your steps.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
My husband is feeling and letting me know that he's getting burnt out of it being all about me.
But it's not all about you, now is it? My wife would never say that, because she knows how crucial meetings are to me. I usually attend at least 3 meetings a week, maybe 4 or 5 if I need too. But again, it's for my benefit only. Well, I can't forget my wife either. She's pleased just as much as I am, but it should reflect a greater sentiment from 'me' though, as always. Congrats again on your 90 days as well Tasha, it's been a blessing from the very beginning, it really has.
Your husbands "fix" for that feeling does not need to come from you. Alanon would be my suggestion for him. Don't ever feel guilty for engaging in self care. How much would rehab have cost you guys? How much would that have taken away from "him" and your kids? 90 in 90 was a small sacrifice. He'd probably be much better off with a 90 in 90 in alanon.
You need the program to have a life to even give him anything at all. You do what you need to and what your sponsor says is right for your program. He will deal.
It was going to be way more "all about you" without the program cuz it was on the way to becoming All about you in rehab, in the psych hospital, dead..... Hopefully he knows that this is a lasting life change for you and it's going to take time. If he wants a wife that will make it all about him - He can go (insert funny comment that is less inappropriate than the one I originally stated LOL)
-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 26th of June 2012 10:48:38 AM
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I so very very very much appreciate your comments in both this thread and the following one. Just what I needed to hear - except that last sentence in this one ; )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Tasha, I really recommend the service work. I was secretary for my home group for six months (we do six month rotations) and I found it to be invaluable to my recovery. I do less meetings now than I did in the first 90 days but I connect to the program every day through study, prayer, meditation, working the steps, participating here and keeping in touch with fellow alcoholics outside of meetings. I love that AA isn't just one hour of my day but an integrated part of it.
I remember you telling your kids that you went to meetings to learn to be a better mama. Maybe you could tell your husband you work this program to be a better woman and wife. :)
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
Here we seem to have two types of members. Those who make a commitment to one group, their home group, and get involved in all AA has to offer, and those who are vsitors to all groups and members of none. I realised early on that it was important for me to have a home group that I never missed, where people would get to know me and I them. I visited with members at there homes and developed a great circle of friends and advisers who helped me on all levels. Through them I became involved in service, group positions, public speaking, 12 step work, all of which is very rewarding.
I went to other meetings also, but these could vary depending on family or work commitments and allowed me to have some balance after a while. In the background of course, I was working or had worked through the steps with my sponsor. Having taken the steps I found I could make commitments and stick to them, and the meetings became an opportunity to contribute rather than a lifeline.
I don't know what its like on your area, but here it seems like the 80/20 rule applies i.e. 20% of the people do 80% of the work. It is very difficult to get the second group involved in anything that might require commitment. Even if they make a commitment, they have no problem breaking it. It would be understandable if this group comprised those newly sober and still feeling their way, but there are many who have been dry for years. It was always a puzzle to me when I first came in and thought everyone in AA lived the program. How could someones life fall apart after 5 years in AA if they missed a few meetings. Why were these people always tense and unhappy and why did they have so many dramas in their lives. There wasn't much attraction for me in this group.
The home group members were the quiet, happy ones. Always there, always reliable, always willing to help, always kind and encouraging towards me. I'll never forget their kindness and the work they put in behind the scenes so the group could carry it's meassage to the alcoholic that still suffers. They were the ones that had what I wanted.
God bless, MikeH
I'm on the same page as Mike on this one.
I realised early on that it was important for me to have a home group that I never missed, where people would get to know me and I them
Home-Group every week, get/stay active, greet, clean up attend group meetings.
Large quanities of meetings is great, but don't forget about quality. Only one way to stay on the middle of the bed (see above).
Take Care,
Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
