In recent events, my sisters boyfriend (17) is stuggling with his addict mother. So my mother gave him a modest bedroom. For this, he his grateful. And for being 17, he is handling it very well. Now... My sister and her bf and I are a rather close bunch... And I am frequently updated in his situations. And like most "young adults" he's a bit insecure, and still figuring out who he is and where he stands.
Now, on that drive I mentioned, my bf asks me when I think he'll "grow a set". And I replied... I don't know what you mean, I think he's handled situations better than you did when you were 17, and is much more aware of himself than I was 4 years ago. He brings up krishnamurthy and Suzuki (not the vehicle company) and a few others. I said, I don't think that has anything to do with "growing a set" and we were not confident when we were 17, arrogance and aggressive behavior does not amount to confidence.
Upon having this conversation, it occurs to me... He has shut the door. It's fine and dandy to admit the past in arguements, but in using his experience as a way to relate or teach... There is no way he even thought of bringing it up.
Example: while talking to Nick (that's his name) he asks, so how does predisposition fit into personal responsibility and free will? (FYI, he hasn't shown Alkie tendancies) and so I gave the story of how I got drunk, dad blamed mom, I told dad it was my fault I got drunk, dad says he's sorry for blaming mom. Now, I am predisposed to alcoholism, I had the free will to choose that first drink and took responsibility for consequences. Dad is predisposed to misplaced emotions, chose to indulge his predisposition, and claimed responsibility afterwards. Mike (my bf) has 20 years between where he was and how he got to be now, and didn't use any real life examples.
In the past 3 months, I have fallen short many a time, the human predisposition, and I have chosen to do something about it, personal responsibility. Now I'm disappointed that Michael, who believes his purpose is to be a teacher, has forgotten where he came from.
While returning home, I took the time to calm down and evaluate the situation. I'm not mad, and it's not really my business how his (lack of) recovery is going. But I put an expectation on a man with 17 years to remember where he came from. And that, my friends, is my falling short. I'm hitting a meeting tonight. Thanks for letting me share.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
I'm sure remembering where we come from has it's purpose ... primarily, carrying the lessons of what worked and what didn't ... BUT more than forgetting where we're from is the importance of knowing where we are ... Today is all that matters ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
There is a place for being in the moment, but we are not angels... And acting as if who you were then is who you are now(as if you knew then what you do now, as if you practiced then is what you practiced now, as if you never were in a situation you didn't know how to handle or clearly express) is counter productive and arrogant. We neither dwell in the past or wishto shut the door on it.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
You are an old soul ruhig. This will serve you well in AA. It's got to be hard to interact with some folks your age cuz they are just caught up being young and what not. You have a gift in this program. You have been granted a way of structuring your life that will pay off in dividends instead of what would have happened if not for the program - jail, death, insanity... For now, it might make you seem at odds with some other folks your age.
Later on it will be easier to step back, recognize, and just be at peace with how other folks act who do not have a program in place. It doesn't matter so much if others forget where they came from. Just as long as you don't.
We can't expect other people to live by a program they don't ascribe to.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
" It doesn't matter so much if others forget where they came from. Just as long as you don't" your absolutely right mark, thanks for the reminder. And not that it matters, but I felt sort of a fool for posting this since it's essentially my entire resentment of old timers (my boyfriend has 17 years in the program, I was mad at my boyfriend not the kid) but all the same I find your comment fits all situations, old timers and new comers alike.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
A friend of mine used to say on the way home from meetings to me '' Hay let them be '' then laugh and say its nothing to do with me :} We used to have a good old laugh on the drive home from meetings thanks for reminding me of my dear friend he helped save my life. :} Although he was always telling me he was going my way tonight, and that was 6 evenings a week bless him.
All I need to remember today is where the drink took me and where it could take me again :{
