Hi..I come here a lot and read but I am still on and off the wagon. I have begun making deals with myself to "let" myself have a drink if I do something...usually workout.. or try to do only a couple days a week. I have read and listened to so much stuff but still I cannot stop
Just one, it'll be ok
I know I am powerless but it still is in every facet of my daily life, every person I talk to or live with or work with or golf with...ahhh.
Thanks for providing this board and thanks to all of you posters...and for letting me vent!
Welcome back to MIP. I can relate to those feelings of uncertainty, especially the line that says "where do I go from here". Yeah, I know, it's hard for us to overcome that obstacle, especially if drinking has become such a routine for us, and for so long. I guess the alternatives must start somewhere, though, so why not today.
I like what others have already said, but let me expound on that further. Pink Chip or Mark as we like to call him talked about "doing our research". So why don't you take that idea one step further. Alcohol has affected your life in so many ways -that's already apparent, but what about recovery and what they offer. It may seem easier on paper, but the benefits do outweigh the negatives hands down. So start with a recovery routine that can work 'for you' and then proceed from there.
Tasha had a great share as well. She talked about "trying new things" or maybe in your case new methods of recovery. Every recovery routine, whether it's A.A. secular or spiritual, still consists of three very important but unique aspects that do work: Admission, acceptance and then change. So start with those three first and then recover using any method suitable for you.
Step child talked about "fear" -which is another recent thread you should read as well, and how fear or guilt associated with fear can cause us to drink even more. And then Pappy finished it up with a great piece on "slavery to alcohol and sponsorship". If I were you, I would read the part about getting "what you need" again because it really struck home with me.
So what am I to make of all this. Well, it's simple Federico; there's only one true way towards lasting sobriety, but there are many avenues that can lead us there. The key though -at least for me- has been through acceptance; that and a great sober connection. The only obstacle standing in our way is of course 'us' period. And you do know what they say in A.A. Federico; "what starts with us ends with us also". But again, that starting process must begin with one person, you. So get off the fence -would you, and start the recovery process today. It might seem hard at first, but the payoff is worth all the effort. We promise. Thanks again for listening.
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 23rd of June 2012 11:52:35 PM
He frederico - I remember being stuck in that phase you are describing. I guess we call that the "research" phase. Just about all of us had to go through that and progress to a state of being so miserable and desperate that we were willing to cut out the "research" and accept abstinence and AA was the only was to do it. I now look back on how many different "bargains" I made with myself and how many different ways I justified my drinking and that period of my life is one of the most tormented.
It's not tha alcohol is in every facet of your life in reality. The reality is that it has you prisoner so it is making it seem like it's everywhere. If you were addicted to crack or sex or whatever else, it would seem like that was everwhere around you also. Once you work a program long enough, at least for me, you become free from bondage of addiction and from bondage of self. Hence, I could give a crap most of the time if people are drinking because 90 percent of them don't drink like I did and I am no longer bothered by other people having "a couple drinks" since I know to the core that "a couple drinks" was never satisfying to me and I hardly ever managed to keep it to "a couple." If you are literally surrounded by drunks - then you need to change your friends or put them on hiatus while you work on sobriety. My main point is, don't use other people's "normal" drinking as an excuse to give up. I can identify with feeling surrounded by alcohol but now I realize it was a reflection of MY OBSESSION with it.
Stick around and hope you hit some meetings soon!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thanks for posting. I remember feeling just exactly like that too. I would not "allow" myself to drink until 1. cleaned up the mess from the night before. 2. Cleaned up myself, dusted my glass end tables, did the dishes - basically made myself and my apartment look perfect so it would always appear that nothing was wrong with me. 3. Bought "novelty" drinks, and different things all the time so to appear to the liquor store clerk like I was always just trying new things. *(as if he was keeping track of me, and really cared). But I was also trying to prove that to myself, I mean - I was young... there was a lot a different alcohol out there! LOL
Things just snowballed from there. There wasn't enough booze in the world for me. One wasn't enough... there was no such thing as enough.
Now with the tools from AA in my grasp, you couldn't give me enough reasons TO DRINK.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I think I had to get to the point the fear of the known...Was greater than the fear of the unknown...Then I could be openminded and willing enough to do this thing. It took me awhile...But I got there.
When you finally get pissed off at yourself enough for allowing your slavery to alcohol to exist, then ... and ONLY then, will you make a decision ... ... ...
My sponsor told me onetime, today is your day ... you, and only you, are going to get to do something today that no-one else here is going to get to do ... I said what's that??? ... He said YOU, my friend are going to get to make a decision today ... I said, what kind of decision??? ... He said You get to DECIDE today, whether YOU are going to choose OUR WAY OF LIFE, or YOUR WAY OF LIFE !!!
I said ... ... ... I DON'T WANT TO DO EITHER ONE ... He said I didn't ask you what you WANTED to do, I asked what you were GOING TO DO !!! ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks for chiming in. When I read "Let's Make a Deal" reminded me of the gameshow from the 60's and 70's.....gonna trade what you won behind the curtain for what might be behind the box. I liked what Stepchild said.
I was worried about friends and social life also, someone told me during my first few AA meetings that I would have more friends than I could ever imagine...real friends, and he was right.
Most of the people who where really friends remained that way. I have a great group of guys I golf with, most are in the program, we do a trip every year and it's great...no draging guys out of nightclubs and trying to wake people up in the AM
Unfortunately if you are really alcoholic, the disease is no joke. You need to make recovery the most important thing in your life.
Feel free to PM me if you have questions or If I can help in any way.
Rob
-- Edited by Rob84 on Saturday 23rd of June 2012 10:24:08 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Thank you all for replying, I really do appreciate it.
Rob, yes I was referring to Monty Hall but I do not mean to joke or make light of AA or this board. The booze is monty to me, offering a great deal...how about curtain #1 again?
I will definitely be coming back to re-read all of your replies as I slip back into the lurker shadows.
And Mr David, 'Why not today' indeed... I like that
Thank you all for replying, I really do appreciate it.
Rob, yes I was referring to Monty Hall but I do not mean to joke or make light of AA or this board. The booze is monty to me, offering a great deal...how about curtain #1 again?
I will definitely be coming back to re-read all of your replies as I slip back into the lurker shadows.
And Mr David, 'Why not today' indeed... I like that
thanks
No worries, never thought you where making light of AA or the board. The "Let's make a deal" stuff is so common and done so many times by so many of us it may be hard for us to keep from chuckling.
Although this is. Life and death disease, you will probably be very surprised at the type of things people laugh about at AA meetings.
Our recovery needs to be out first priority, but we work on reducing the elevated self importance and taking ourselves to seriously also.
Here is a good quote from the Big Book that I have found to be true.
"So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for use fulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experi ence out of the past. But why shouldnt we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.
Everybody knows that those in bad health, and those who seldom play, do not laugh much".
-- Edited by Rob84 on Tuesday 26th of June 2012 04:15:50 PM
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
but I do not mean to joke or make light of AA or this board. The booze is monty to me, offering a great deal...how about curtain #1 again? 