There was a time I got so wasted, that I woke up in my apartment in the morning, clueless as to how I got there... got ready for work, grabbed my keys, only to realize my car was not in the garage. Had to call into work sick - call a cab to drive me around town (to all the bars) looking for my car. Good thing I usually went to the same places.
Another time, the bar tender took me home, and I woke up next to the toilet to him banging on the door the next day. I was such a mess, I wouldn't answer, I just continued to lay there quietly until I heard him leave. I could have been dead - no one ever came back to check.
When I came into AA, it took my hearing stories like these to make me feel like I wasn't the worst person ever. That I was just where I belonged. Those people brave enough to open up about some of the crap that happened while they were drinking, were so important for my survival. Thank you, to those of you who have shared that. And for those of you here reading this not sure if you belong in AA, because you might actually be "not good enough" or "so bad that even AA wont have you" think again.
I'm so grateful to be sober now. These stories were from my early drinking days. The days of Vodka washed down with beer.
In the end, I just kept a steady buzz all the time... my drinking was less at one time, but more constant. Either way - it was hell. There is no "good way" for me to drink. One will always lead to more, and "enough" doesn't exist.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Thursday 21st of June 2012 09:30:25 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Wow, that was quite a story Tasha. I can relate to just about everything, especially that feeling of dread. You do know what they say in A.A. Tasha: "our bottoms might have had different endings, but the beatings were all the same". Your story reminds me of that Tasha, a bottom not worth repeating. The fallout for you was uneventful and the aftermath even worse. I guess fate has a way convincing us even in the midst of complete anarchy. It just goes to show how God awful 'this' disease really is, doesn't it Tasha?
Anyway, I'm finding the waters much calmer today than I ever did before and obviously so have you. So stick around and enjoy those waters too, okay dear. Your story is just one part of a much greater picture Tasha, all thanks to A.A. of course. So be grateful dear and enjoy these moments while you can. You insight, once again, was impeccable and for me, it really struck home. So keep inspiring us dear with both your stories and your talents. They're an inspiration to all of us, guaranteed..
~God Bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 22nd of June 2012 03:35:49 AM
That's a good share...It's pretty amazing what that stuff puts us through....I think one of the first things that struck me when I was reading the Big Book...Was why I would return to it after experiences like that....I had thought I was a nutcase....Add in the physical part...The phenomenon of craving...And it made sense. I drank a long time without knowing why. I still can't get over that...It should be something they teach in high school.
Hey Tasha, ... ... For some reason, I still have this thought that there are very few out there as bad an alcoholic as I am ... BUT, my dear, you have just convinced me that either you were watching me and wrote that story above, OR that we both were/are very sick alcoholics ... Thank the Lord we're here in this place at this time ... sober ... thanks for the post
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hey Tasha, We are in a program that allows us to confront the demons of our past and slay them through honesty. All that we have done has been done before by countless others and will be done again in the future. We are not bad people, we have a disease that inspired our actions, and luckily we have a cure! We are given an opportunity through AA to stop the cycle of madness by our simple program for complex people. I really take inspiration from your posts and your honesty. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
