You reminded me of how I used to 'seem' to enjoy my depressed state ... it was like I wanted family and friends to look at me and have pity on me ... The really sad thing is I think I relished their feeling sorry for me ... 'oh poor Pappy', he's got this disease and will never get rid of it ...
That worked for a long time ... then I woke up one day and had no family or friends to feel sorry for me ... I was nearly a vegetable and totally useless ... at that point, AA's 1st step was an easy admission for me ... AND it was the 1st step in my recovery ...
Don't drink for the rest of today and get to a meeting ... if you dont??? .... well, if you're lucky, death isn't too far away ... (Death, for me, would have been much better than the way I was living!!!) ... (but sobriety is the best thing to ever happen to me ... thanks to God and AA)(today i "WANT" to live ... big change from my past) ...
God help you to make the right choice, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 20th of June 2012 10:51:39 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I know a thousand of us have been here but i am really tired of fighting!!! This disease has whooped me from a very early age. i get sober for a year.....or 9 which is my record. sometimes i just want to quit and say enough is enough...this fucking disease is relentless......I AM SO TIRED!!!
Self pity is just as much if not a bigger enemy to you than alcohol. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get to some meetings, get a sponsor, and get busy. There is no "timeline" on serenity and happiness. Within a few months or even less, you could be seeing the world 100 percent differerently. It does not matter how much time you "had" or what you've done in the past. Get busy making today better. Do something and stop living in the problem. We are here for you and believe me, we all need you here with us too.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I was locked up in the hospital for insane ! Thank God I found AA.. Never give up get to a meeting and share that you would like to make some new found friends to help you. You cant do this on your own you NEED OTHERS TO HELP AND GUIDE YOU. :}
You will find them and they will be there waiting for you. They love nothing better than to help others in need... It helps us stay sober.. You are OUR WORK :}
Sending you all best wishes and cyber hugs,, Never give up read page 83 of the Big Book..Please. :}
Okay - so now that we've determined that... what are we going to do about it?
We've just been handed a fresh moment. It's a gift, and up to us to unwrap it.
The first step in unwrapping my gift was to admit I was powerless to do it alone - I needed help from a power greater than myself - people in AA - like YOU!!!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I'm very glad you're still with us RRman, ... ... ...
I am no stranger to putting a loaded gun in my mouth either ... I still don't know what stopped me ... And today I'm grateful for one more chance to make things right and to perhaps help others in the process ...
Thanks for sticking around, we need you ... (probably more than you can realize right now ...)
God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 24th of June 2012 09:39:06 PM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hello all, I thought i should stick my head in and thank everyone for thier support. Shortly before i wrote that post, minutes earlier in fact, i loaded a single shell in my shotgun and paced around for a few minutes. God stopped me and i am so grateful. I have continued over the course of my life to relapse, i get clean then think everything is ok and i take over again. I get into such horrible withdrawl everytime and its a little worse each time, this time was unbearable or so i thought. I was laying in bed this morning and i went to God and fell to my knees in shame and in so much pain. I finally was able to pray without something else entering my mind. I asked for forgiveness and i asked my God to hold my hand and stay with me thru the hellish withdrawl i was facing. I fell asleep shortly later and God spoke to me, i dont remember what he said i just remember waking up understanding things i never got before about this program and how i cannot do it alone. Throughout the day many thoughts and questions have come in to my head. Each one was answered in a silent voice, a comforting hand and reassuring. Ive never experienced this before, but ive others speak about it................I think i finally know what it means to truly let go..........oh and by the way i have been experiencing next to zero withdrawl effects.......explain that lol
railroadman1 wrote: I fell asleep shortly later and God spoke to me, i dont remember what he said i just remember waking up understanding things i never got before about this program and how i cannot do it alone. Throughout the day many thoughts and questions have come in to my head. Each one was answered in a silent voice, a comforting hand and reassuring. Ive never experienced this before, but ive others speak about it................I think i finally know what it means to truly let go..........oh and by the way i have been experiencing next to zero withdrawl effects.......explain that lol
Hi Tom, welcome to MIP and thanks for this very special post.
"I know" and "yes but" are the 4 favourite words of the serial relapser.
It sounds like God has taken you past these to a place of surrender and acceptance. Now, today, is the time to take full advantage of His grace and use this window of opportunity to make it a permanent thing.
Meetings, sponsor and steps are the next things to act on.
