I had my persian cat shaved. His hair was soooooooooooo long, and he's getting old, and I thought it would be a nice break for him to not have to take care of all that hair. They gave him what's called a lion cut. His head, tail and legs are still long. His middle is actually very tiny, and he looks just ridiculous.
The bad thing is, he's cold. He's been shaking for a few days now, and I feel just terrible! I try and comfort him, allow him to snuggle under the blankets with me etc, but I can still feel him shaking. He was use to all that hair, his body had adjusted to being ooober warm all the time, and even though it's summer, he's cold.
That's kind of how I'm feeling today. My mind is a little shaken, stripped of it's warm fuzzy blanket of booze, to smother the fears.
I thought maybe I should allow myself to drink secretly on my birthday. That it couldn't do any harm. That it wouldn't amount to anything more than that. That it could never KILL me.
All those old dangerous thoughts started creeping back into my mind, my disease tantalizing me with it's inconspicuous and mysterious presence.
I'm an alcoholic. Powerless over alcohol. I have a disease that hurts me, and other people. I can not take a drink, not even an ounce. Not on my birthday, not on my 50th wedding anniversary.
Maybe at my funeral?
Now that's more like it. I suppose if I'm going to give in to my crazy thoughts, I may as well really make them crazy!
Maybe heaven is a great big huge bar, and when I die, I can drink like a normal person.
But gee... I'm an alcoholic, I can not comprehend how that would be any fun....
CAN YOU????
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 4th of June 2012 10:01:42 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I love this post Tasha, and of course totally understand your feelings. You didn't "treat yourself"..great job! This post resonates with me in a weird sense.. I serve booze for a living. Getting people to drink pays my bills..ahh the irony. Another irony is not how many drunks work in my line of business( more than not) but how many recovering drunks continue to work in it. I've always wondered at my customers who drink normally..the old me would think "how lame!" haha. I just have never been able to get how these people can say "no thanks, I've had enough". So no, I can't comprehend a heaven where I can drink normally. Our relationship to booze is a completely different animal. Don't know about you but when I think of myself drinking I think of a very dark and lonely place
I love reading your posts Tasha, we think alike. I had the same "you can have something to drink it is your birthday" feeling. Long story short I woke up two days later in the ER. I'm glad you took the sober route.
I'm not very sure that anyone who'd 'shave' their cat, is capable of any rational thoughts ... LOL ... (and being the 'dirty old man' that I am ... i am STILL fighting the urge to post a description of all the mental pictures you painted in my head ...)(not to mention reminding me of what those girls did to ME in the hospital ...)(come to think of it, Mr. Happy HAS been rather chilly lately ... and trying to hide ... LOL) ... ...
Drink like a normal person ? ... who the hell wants to do that ??? ... that would simply be torture to me ... why drink at all if you can't just cut loose and run to oblivion ??? ... Well looky there, you woke up the old me for a minute ... WOW, I really don't like the way he thinks anymore!!!
Take Care and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Mahalo Tasha...great post. I've actually seen a shaved, Lion style, Persian cat. It ain't pretty at all. Poor kitty will be cold for a while. I think my ex-ex spouse used a "sweater" to keep him warm. He and I didn't hit it off at all so...Oh Well!!
Drink like a normal person? Considering all I have learned in the rooms of recovery and in college (yes I went to college to understand my disease) normal is sober...chemical free and abnormal the opposite. I learned that alcohol was a mind and mood altering chemical such as PCP, Marijuana, Cocain, Meth and all the others. It altered me from normal to abnormal and abnormal became unacceptable to myself and all the others in my atmosphere. That is not why I stopped...God has other plans in the process when mine dont work. I had a value system that I violated every time I drank and every time I served others. The value system was about not harming myself or others and I didn't know I was doing that when I was into booze. It was there...always there and "we" did it all the time even while we didn't know what it was doing back to us. I've been at the door to the grave several times because I didn't understand the nature of this toxic chemical. I didn't know how much poisoning my mind and body could take before it went to leave me. I didn't know how chemically tolerant my system was and in order to feel what the rest of the party goers were feeling I had to overdose. I got the overdose and never hardly ever found the elation or whatever. I just drank until I got angry and rageful and then subdued by others. I came to understand why and how that happens and what part my favorite alcoholic drink does in it. I had already stopped drinking and the new awarenesses would help me stay dry and then so I could get sober which is an entirely different way of living. I gave alot of time, effort and personal assets to alcohol and it cleanly dissolved it all. The loosing of everything wasn't only stuff outside of me. Alcohol anestethized and sterilized pretty much anything of value in me mind, body, spirit and emotions. I came in to recovery by luck...hooked up to a power greater than myself and not knowing it who had a loving leash around my neck. I'm left with gratitude. I've never drank rat poison and I've heard alcohol will kill them too.
Interesting, reminded me too how I have never had a single drink in my life, as least as not as far as I can recall. I'd be lying if I said I got drunk every time, because I didn't. For me, the cunning baffling powerful nature of my alcoholism is that if I stop working this program, the memories of those times that I didn't get drunk will become all I think about and next thing you know, it will taking a drink. I'll tell myself that I can drink like a normal person, And then I'll simply not know where I'll wind up...
I had my persian cat shaved. His hair was soooooooooooo long, and he's getting old, and I thought it would be a nice break for him to not have to take care of all that hair. They gave him what's called a lion cut. His head, tail and legs are still long. His middle is actually very tiny, and he looks just ridiculous. 
