I hear you Adam. In some ways were similar, and in other ways not so much. I approached sobriety like I did everything else, with no real sense of urgency. My problem all along was quite simple actually; I never gave sobriety a fighting chance. I always thought less of myself, so when it came to sobering up I'd probably be one of those unfortunate souls that would never make it, end of discussion. Here's the thing though, you can run all you want, but that won't change the circumstances one bit. I was an alcoholic just like you, and for me that meant not drinking. So off I went to A.A. The rest, of course, has worked out over time. So do yourself a favor Adam; get involved with a recovery program, stay away from any negative influences, and never give up hope. We won't, either should you.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 3rd of June 2012 10:36:19 PM
I say that from my own experience, my constant flagellation and "relapses". I stop by here and see others posting with threads like "I did it again", etc...Just sick and tired of this disease, it's just so stupid. Don't know how many threads I've posted with the same guilty drivel. I'm not slamming anyone, just angry at the disease and the stupid patterns it keeps us in.
Hey Adam, welcome back! Wondered how you were and where you've been. It's good to hear that you're getting "sick and tired". Desperation and willingness are Gifts, that are required prerequisites for a sucessfull attempt at sobriety. I too had a hard time (as did many others here on the board and in the rooms) with relapse and "not getting it" in AA. I finally got to the point where I was willing to do everything that I had heard (and was suggested) to do in the program. Starting with 90 meetings in 90 days.
All I can say is ... ... When the pain and agony of living drunk all the time, out-weighed any possible enjoyment from life what-so-ever .... ... ... ... Then I became 'WILLING' to make a change and try AA for real ... only then did things get better than I ever thought possible for me ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I feel like you do on a regular basis Adam. I haven't let the bottle talk to me in a while, but the aftermath of doing so for as long as I did lives on ...
Dean, great to "see" you my friend. How are you? You still building your house(s) in North Carolina? What is new with you, i mean in the last couple years?
I'm angry at this stuff. Angry that drinking and using is still a problem for me.
Yes Adam, getting close to finishing the house. Should be real close by the end of this year. I'm living in it (while I'm there) now. Other than that, I'm just a couple years older.
I've been wasting a lot of good time worrying about how much time I'm wasting, wasting time. But right now, you're not wasting my time, so thanks for posting!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thanks for the supportive words. Its the shame and suppose pride that gets me. Detoxing in my room, gonna get to my first mtg in 6 mtnhs tonight. Don't understand why I have such a difficult weighing my options: either stay drunk/high and lose everything, or stay sober and have opportunity for some happiness. It's that illusion of "Oh, I'll drink/use on occasion" or "I'll stop after this run, just need to get it out of my system"...five years later:here I sit. I figure we as humans can be hungry and not eat, be tired and not sleep, then it is possible for us to crave a drink and not drink, right? Not a great analogy because ultimately we have to eat and sleep...but..
Here's a perhaps better analogy. We drink and drug to feel "normal". After we get sober for awhile we feel better than "normal". It's like one of those experiences that you can't have any idea what it's like till you've done it. Like sex maybe.
I figure we as humans can be hungry and not eat, be tired and not sleep, then it is possible for us to crave a drink and not drink, right? Not a great analogy because ultimately we have to eat and sleep...but..
hope everyone has a nice evening.
Hey Adam, ... Glad you're making a meeting tonight ... hope all goes well ...
The part about 'craving' a drink that concerns you, will, in time, disappear ... you know the promises no doubt and you've probably worked through a number of the steps before ... You know the program and the methods we use to stay sober ... So let's get started ... Don't drink ... Go to meetings ... Simple , huh ?
I'm not trying to B.S. you here, just trying to get you 'out' of yourself for a while so you can put your life, what there is left of it, back together again ... You of course know the 'fatal nature' of this disease ...
When I came back the 8th, 9th, or 10th time, I knew this time, I truly almost died ... at one point I was afraid I was going to die, then I became afraid that I wasn't ... What a way to live, huh? ... I know you've heard this, but I really and truly don't think I have another relapse/recovery left in me ... I'm as positive as one can be that my next drink will be my last ... I know I wouldn't make it back if I had just one drink ... because I have never ever, just had one drink ...
Take Care and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
