Personally, I tell my sponsees it is not my responsibility to keep them sober ... I tell them to call me on a regular basis AND if there comes a situation they need help with ...
I make it clear that my sobriety does not rest with them calling me, and it is their responsibility, to maintain contact with me if they want to stay sober ... by doing it this way, I can find out real quick, who is serious about staying sober and who is just B.S.ing me and themselves ...
God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 30th of May 2012 10:09:20 AM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yep, I have never failed to return a call to one of my sponsees ... And after a while anyway, it's not always necessary to call every day ... unless they need the support ... we do stay in touch ... but I always suggest a new guy to call me daily ...
In fact while I lay in the hospital a few weeks ago, one of my sponsees called ... I took the cell call and discussed his concerns for the day ... (and I told him I would shoot him if he brought a gang of AAers up there to see me ... LOL ... (personally? ... I hate visitors when I'm sick ... )
Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Tuesday 29th of May 2012 10:33:50 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My sponsor/sponsee relationship is a little different, per say. I call him maybe once a week, or sometimes once every two weeks given the situation. I see him at meetings all the time anyway, so calling him is usually an afterthought. I wouldn't suggest this behavior though, especially if you were new to the program. It's not something I would condone either, but it has worked for me. If it was up to me and I was the sponsor -I don't sponsor people normally, it's just a personal thing that's all; I might have a problem with it. But, if my sponsee was doing the right thing, I probably would not. I hope this helps.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 30th of May 2012 12:56:24 AM
Quick version: 5h!t happened. He came back. We both reviewed perspectives, apologised, lather rinsed repeat. And I... Well, I stopped calling my sponsor for 5 days. (I'm aware this is wrong, and also reviewed why I did this) so I called her yesterday. Part of me knows this is a pattern of mine. Keep in touch, fall off the planet, and crawl out from under my rock again. The other part of me says she didn't attempt to call me for those days either. She hasn't got back to me yet. 1. You think she's mad I didn't call or that I'm just not "that important"? 2. Are you guilty of this behavior, or similar behaviors?
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Without knowing your sponsor I can only guess, but it is quite the stretch of imagination for me to think that she is mad at you or that she thinks you aren't that important. As for question number two...I'm not sure if you are asking if I go long periods without calling my sponsor or if I fail to return a call. Actually, at this time I don't have a sponsor though before he passed we would sometimes go weeks without talking or talk every day for a week - but when a sponsee calls and I've missed the call I do call back as soon as I am able to.
Mr. David is right ... if you're seeing your sponsor or sponsee at meetings every day, then "calling" becomes less of an issue ... (don't know about others, but when I sponsor a new guy, I usually do the 90-in-90 with him ... ? ... it's just what I do!) ... But it all boils down to: You can't force an alcoholic to do anything they don't want to do ... IF they want to get and stay sober, they'll listen to and do everything their sponsor asks of them ... That's pretty much it in a 'nut-shell' ...
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I love it when my sponsor calls me. Makes the relationship feel more real. I feel exactly the same way as you. Probably different for woman than men. I do almost all of the calling though.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Good post and responses. I've learned not to try and read other people's minds or think for them. As Alcoholics, one of our initial reactions to apparant rejection is to project and make assumptions. Not good for emotional sobriety. Give her the benefit of the doubt until more is revealed.
Some folks have better phone skills then others. Like anything else. If this becomes a pattern, then talk to your Sponsor openly about it. Five days is not a long time. I wouldn't recommend it early on, but falling off the beam for five days does happen. It did happen to me several times even early on. Your not unique in this area.
My Sponsor has helped and continues to help and mentor me, but he very rarely calls me. That's just the way he goes about Sponsorship. He reminds me often that he carries the message, not the Alcoholic.
I appreciate all of your input. You right. Assumptions in the mind with out directly addressing concerns creates delusions and bitterness. She hasn't returned my call, should I apologise to her voicemail?
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
What's the worst that could happen? Ignore me at the meeting?shut the door in my face? Even if that happens, maybe I can still feel like I atleast tried, and know where we stand.
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
A good sponsor will be glad you've come to them to discuss your issues ... whatever they may be, and no matter how long it's been since you last called ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I went to her home group. She ignored me, but her 3 year old daughter came up to me. [awk-waaard] oh well. See how she feels about me next week. On the plus side, dude gave me a book- the power of myth [ j. Campbell & b. Moyers] and they talk about the spiritual foundations and how they apply to modern day. Thought this may help me understand stuff. :)
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
If your sponsor gave you the 'cold shoulder' like you said, it's time to look for a different sponsor ... that's why we ask if anyone needs a 'temporary' sponsor at the end of every meeting ... sometimes, it just doesn't work out ... (one of my sponsees was 'fired' as they sometimes say, from his first three sponsors, til he and I hooked up ... the other sponsors, it seems, had very little 'patience' with him ... this guy WAS a tough nut to crack, but he's coming up on 3 years sober now ...)(thanks to God, not me) ...
I look at it this way, ... if you are willing to go to any length to stay sober, then I should also be willing to go to any length to help you as my sponsee ... Otherwise, why would I get involved??? ... using Love, Tolerance, and Patience is key to good sponsorship ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
