Thanks "pappy", I know I am far too young to be feeling the things I am experiencing and I don't know how to get rid of them besides talking to people.
Hi and welcome to MIP. I can relate to what your are saying. I thought life should be one long party, and by the sound of it I went a bit harder that you have. First admission to the laughing academy at about 19 or 20 and rapidly down hill from there. I didn't like the look of AA much either, probably because I thought alcoholism was an old persons disease. But it turned out that it wasn't.
By age 22 I had reached a point where I was too frightened to drink, but I could not imagine life without alcohol. My alcoholic life seemed the only normal one. It wasn't the physical aspect, the doctor had told me I wouldn't last 6 months, it was more the dreadful way I felt, paranoia, irrational fears, guilt, shame and so on. My self esteem was somewhere around floor level.
So after resisting all help to the limits of my ability, I finally called AA with just the tiniest smidgeon of hope that I might find an answer there. I never took a note of the date because I didn't believe it would work for me. I followed directions, probably because I was too stupid or stupified to challenge anything and one day my sponsor called and told me I was 3 months sober.A miracle if ever there was one.
That was a long time ago, and there are many others on this site who got sober when they were "too young" to be alcoholic, and we have fantasitic lives. Take a look at my avatar for example, that's taken from my yacht, sailing among a school of 80 or so large dolphins. So fantastic, most people never get to experience this sort of stuff, but recovered alcoholics can do anything they want, except drink.
God bless,
MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Wednesday 30th of May 2012 12:38:31 AM
So i don't really know how to start this... Still stuck at the point where I insist i don't have a problem, but I know I do. Went out last night, only had 4 drinks ("only"). But being me, I didn't want to stop..but I know I had to. Got my first DUI a couple of months ago and got stuck with an ignition interlock (breathalyzer) in my car. Already screwed up once with it, and if I do it again I will go back to court and most likely go to jail.
I read a post where someone said that an alcoholic is either born that way, or created. I think I was born this way, honestly. I haven't had any serious catastrophes in my life, lost a few older family members and a close friend, all in natural ways. I had a good childhood, the youngest of 3, and always had older influences. Started small, at 11 smoking cigarettes that my brother and I stole from my mom. Smoked weed for the first time when I was 11, was too paranoid. I remember being 7 and taking sips of my dads beers. The first time I got drunk I was 12, New Years, with my best friends' older sister & friends. I didn't drink all the time, just whenever I could from age 12-17. When I was 18, I got my own place, naturally thought I knew everything and could live on my own. Spent basically every single night hammered to oblivion, whether I was with friends or by myself. There were days, too often, that I would sit and drink by myself just to catch a buzz. After a year living on my own I lost my job, a GREAT job, for being late 4 times in 6 months (really?), and started working at a bar. Continued drinking constantly and ended up losing my apartment 4 months later. I moved back into my parents house right before my 20th birthday. Still went out and did whatever I wanted, still drank with friends or by myself, and got as drunk as I wanted to, went to work on time every day, and paid a small rent to my parents every month. Turned 21 in Las Vegas, and thought everything was fine. I got up for work everyday, went to work on time, no problem. 2 months after I turned 22, I got my first DUI. I had been out with my best friend for lunch, had one beer which turned into 4 beers, one shot, and 2 bourbon and gingers (and I think they forgot the ginger). I ended up driving about 10 miles towards my house and got pulled over "for crossing the white line 3 times." On the street, I blew a .26. I was told, that being the size I am, I shouldn't have even been concious. (4ft 11'' about 115lbs). I assume, that's a problem. I have been attending a weekly class, required by the courts, for messing up once on my breathalyzer in my car. I call it the "weekly bitch session" because it's really just a bunch of girls complaining about their boyfriends and their children and exchanging recipes. It's not helpful. I guess I'm looking for some kind of support.
I understand the 12 steps, but I don't necessarily agree with them. I believe in God, without a doubt, I just don't know how I can believe he will rid me of all of this.
I understand the 12 steps, but I don't necessarily agree with them. I believe in God, without a doubt, I just don't know how I can believe he will rid me of all of this.
......... Take it easy. One day at a time. Go to meetings often. Make friends there. Get a sponsor. The rest will follow.
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
From your post above, I'd have to agree with you when you said you know you have a problem ... You have a lot of living yet to do ... and the direction you take will basically determine whether you live in 'peace and serenity' or 'pain and agony' ... a happy life or a depressing life ... You are merely getting a small taste of what is to come if you chose to continue to try and control your drinking ... Sounds like you've been lucky so far ... At least you haven't 'crippled or killed' anyone yet, I hope ...
Many of us were just like you ... we knew we could somehow, some way, control this thing ... we fought 'tooth and nail' to not need help dealing with our drinking ... I finally admitted I had a problem in the early '90's ... but then I fought to keep myself in control for another 15 years before I finally learned that AA and its steps were the only way this alcoholic could stay sober ... I missed out on a lot of "LIFE" ... pissed it away, no pun intended ... When the pain associated with my drinking far 'out-weighed' the pleasure, then I was willing to come to meetings and listen to those who were 'happy' in sobriety and then found I wanted what they had ... and they freely gave it to me ...
Good Luck and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi! Welcome:) I'm pretty new to this whole aa thing myself . I can tell you that I was in a place similar to where you are now at your age. I can also tell you that I stayed there for many years. Many long tumultuous years. The drinking alone thing, drinking (overdrinking ha) in the afternoon thing..yup i did it for years. I thought it was normal. You sound as though you understand you have a problem. Stick around and see if aa can help you.. It can't Hurt. Welcome again
Your tag, the pain of where were are exceeds the fear of where we are going. I am scared to death of where I am headed if I don't stop now.
Thanks "pappy", I know I am far too young to be feeling the things I am experiencing and I don't know how to get rid of them besides talking to people.
I have toyed with the idea of suicide but I KNOW i'm worth much more than that, I care too much about the people in my life to put them through that. I really am just at a loss.
I can't drive right now and i would like to go to meetings, i just don't have enough friends to go with me or even drop me off at them. And both of my parents work full time.
Call the AA Central office in your area .... they'll put you in touch with someone that'll be more than happy to arrange to pick you up for some meetings ... We survive on helping one another ...
Try your best to go to meetings regularly and get a sponsor to talk you through the ruff spots and guide you in doing the steps ... This WILL be the most rewarding thing you've ever done in your life, guaranteed ... Oh, and by all means, keep us up-to-date with your progress ... AND let us help you where we can ...
God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'll be honest, tonight I've had 4 beers and 3 drinks with vodka and pepsi, normally i prefer bourbon, but whatever will do the job right??
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend, who is 6 years older than me, and said i needed to get all the partying out of my system. He's the one that goes to the bar every weekend.
I have been spending a lot of time with the friends i do have, one i met recently, who doesn't smoke and rarely, if ever drinks. We actually go out and do things, other than go to the bar and drink...which is very refreshing.
I just can't find the need to get off work and pick up and get a little faded for a little while.
The pain of where we are exceeds the fear of where we are going....not by far.... =/
Try to think clearly enough to decide if this is the best choice for gaining what you truly want out of life ... We are standing by to help you IF you decide you can accept it ..
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My Tag, is about hitting bottom. WE CHANGE (enter recovery) when the PAIN OF WHERE WE ARE (emotionally/physically/mentally/spiritually/situationally) EXCEEDS THE FEAR OF WHERE WERE GOING (fear of who we will become or what will happen to us if we quit drinking) basically it says.... When you have hit your bottom, you will change your behavior. Thanks for noticing my tag. Here is an example: you will eventually become so desperate for help that you will ride your bike to a meeting 5 miles away to get better. [I did this when I was 18 every day for 3 months while my mom took my truck away]
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Hi and welcome to MIP. I can relate to what your are saying. I thought life should be one long party, and by the sound of it I went a bit harder that you have. First admission to the laughing academy at about 19 or 20 and rapidly down hill from there. I didn't like the look of AA much either, probably because I thought alcoholism was an old persons disease. But it turned out that it wasn't.
By age 22 I had reached a point where I was too frightened to drink, but I could not imagine life without alcohol. My alcoholic life seemed the only normal one. It wasn't the physical aspect, the doctor had told me I wouldn't last 6 months, it was more the dreadful way I felt, paranoia, irrational fears, guilt, shame and so on. My self esteem was somewhere around floor level.
So after resisting all help to the limits of my ability, I finally called AA with just the tiniest smidgeon of hope that I might find an answer there. I never took a note of the date because I didn't believe it would work for me. I followed directions, probably because I was too stupid or stupified to challenge anything and one day my sponsor called and told me I was 3 months sober.A miracle if ever there was one.
That was a long time ago, and there are many others on this site who got sober when they were "too young" to be alcoholic, and we have fantasitic lives. Take a look at my avatar for example, that's taken from my yacht, sailing among a school of 80 or so large dolphins. So fantastic, most people never get to experience this sort of stuff, but recovered alcoholics can do anything they want, except drink.
God bless,
MikeH.
Great stuf Mike. Words of wisdom, for sure. Take them to heart Anonbet, these and what Pappy said. Keep coming back, okay.
WELCOME! Pappy is right - you can call the number on the internet if you type in AA, and your home town it will come up, and a WOMAN will come and get you, and it will not be awkward at all like you may think... you will be welcomed... I wish I would have rode with someone the first time. Good luck!
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Your story reminds me of my drinking when I was younger... Those days were great but they did not stay that way. Do not wait until you have hit a really low bottom until you begin helping yourself. Being sober is far more rewarding than say?, having your problems a hundred times worse in the years to come, sometimes sooner than you think! You say youve already been arrested for DUI, Lost jobs, have drank by yourself etc? Something to think about!
