Nice share Colleen. I don't miss drinking either dear, same as you. I have never felt more alive than I do now, thanks be to God. So why risk that, especially for something silly like another drink. The whole party scene was just another wake-up call for me, so why bother. There was no real sense of belonging there anyway -as far as I'm concerned, so why feel heartbroken over something meaningless like that. I found the pastures much greener on the other side anyway, even after my numerous relapses. The key to my success has always been willingness; that, and humility. I try to remain a willing participant in this sober arena known as life, but it must start and end with me, period. So the next time you walk by those bars dear ask yourself this one question; what would you rather have, a good time or a better way of life? I'll choose the later each and every time, how about you?
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 26th of May 2012 11:53:06 PM
Hey all:) ive made it to day 10 of being sober!! No small task for me haha. Anyway, as I was leaving work today, one of my coworkers whom I've confided in about my recent battles with sobriety, asked me what I was to do with my night off. I replied with something like "ah I dunno, don't really have plans, maybe just hang at home and watch a movie". As someone who has battled his own demons of drug addiction he asked if having a night off was a "trigger" for me? Well, as someone who lives in an urban area on the east coast with tons of colleges and universities around, I walk by maybe a dozen bars on way home. So I leave work, hop on bus, get off and walk by all these bars with their windows open and happily drinking people, and yes, I do feel a sense of loss. Of being left out of something. Of a life i once was the cheerleader for that I won't be part of again. Pretty much all social activities of my "old life" involved or revolved around drinking. I mean, even shopping for f sake. I feel a definite, clear severing of this from my life. But...I didn't really miss it. I now "get" that I will never be that chick who can have just a glass of wine or two again. I can play all the games i want to with my head..its just not a reality for me. Somewhere along the journey I began feeding a monster that was never satisfied..a glass or two?? How bout a bottle or two? Haha. It was a slow and insidious process that there's no turning back from. I now totally fully understand what being an alcoholic is. Instead of being ashamed or beating myself up over it, Or even using it as some insane rationale for drinking more as I did for a long time, I'm ok with it. I can walk by the bars and smile at the people happily drinking and accept I'm not one of them. It's been a good day:)
That would be a large part of step 1. Have you been to any meetings yet? It sounds like you are doing great though I found that without the fellowship of AA, the steps, and having a sponsor - My resolution to stay away from first drink waned over time. If you don't have an AA program, it's too easy to get a case of the "f**k its" and give up when times are tough.
What you shared here takes some newcomers quite some time to get. I believe you would really take off in AA now if you have not formally been yet.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hey:) thanks for supportive response! Ya I feel great.. Dunno if you happened to read my post about "people that don't get anonymous" but there are potential issues to me attending some aa meetings in my area. However, there is a great women's meeting literally 2 doors down from my apartment do that's awesome and the girls are great, it's only once a week, though. I'm exploring other possible meetings I would feel comfortable at. I know exactly what you mean though, so I'm wanting to become more involved to avoid that " f it" moment.
Awesome - I tend to forget cuz I live in south florida - (one of the largest recovery places in the world) that others struggle so hard to find good meetings they feel comfortable at. There are over 700 meetings in my county per week. Crazy huh? Keep on looking around Col! Everyone here is pulling for you!!
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
