Hey all! I'm relatively new to this with 9 days sober(yeah!!) but I wanted to ask some advice on how to handle an ethical issue involving another aa member. I work with an older gentleman (term used loosely haha) who has been attending aa for years. We both live in the same town and both work in hospitality industry. More than once this guy has told me of customers that he has seen at aa meetings, and on a few occasions has gone into detail about a given persons issues. This always makes me feel uncomfortable as I respect peoples privacy. I've always been a private person myself and share details of my personal life with only close friends. This is also completely unethical and goes against the basic principles of aa. It also makes me very hesitant to attend meetings in the area as I do not want or need my coworkers ,or anyone really, to even know I attend meetings(unless I choose to share that) let alone what I may discuss there. I live in an urban area and choose not to drive soooo my options for which meetings I attend are limited. Any ideas on how to deal?
Yep, we sometimes run across this kind of thing ... Here are a couple of ideas ... Bring the subject up as a 'topic' of discussion at a meeting when he is there ... share your concerns about what this co-worker of yours is doing that makes you uncomfortable at work, without mentioning his name ... (and after the meeting, if he doesn't seem to 'get' why you brought the subject up, or simply plays dumb, then spell it out to him, preferably with your sponsor by your side ...)
Two, ... Talk to your sponsor, who hopefully has been around a while, and is well known, and have her to talk to this guy privately ... He needs to understand that he needs to stick to our 'traditions' ... and that his actions are making others uncomfortable ...
Three, ... You could talk to him yourself, but with little AA time, he may not listen to you ...
Hope this helps, God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
"Three, ... You could talk to him yourself, but with little AA time, he may not listen to you"
why is it that you hear that people with lots of time can learn from those with less time, but in practice, it seems as if egos grow with time? Quantity does not equal quality...
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
"Three, ... You could talk to him yourself, but with little AA time, he may not listen to you" why is it that you hear that people with lots of time can learn from those with less time, but in practice, it seems as if egos grow with time? Quantity does not equal quality...
Agreed, Quantity DOES NOT equal Quality ... Never has ...
Egos grow with time ? ... most certainly ... 'Ego' is simply 'self-awareness' ... 'Egoism', however, is 'selfishness and conceit' ...
In my post, I was trying to relate a condition that may, or may not, exist ... as a caution to the person wanting to solve an unpleasant situation ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Quantity does not equal quality... We are not saints... One who makes the worst coffee may be a better chairperson... Carry the message to those who still suffer. Thanks python
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Thanks for ideas guys! I like bringing it up as topic at a meeting..this particular person and I have a not so great past. He has exhibited signs of being borderline obsessive about me to the point where most of our coworkers have mentioned this to me. Also at one point he was texting and calling me with inappropriate comments and messages (ie how well endowed he is) and I had to discuss it with the owners of the place we work. ALSO he has in the past discussed and gossiped about my drinking habits of the past at work. I just simply want nothing to do with him whatsoever. I have not yet gotten a sponser but I'm tempted to choose a man in large part to help me deal with this situation..the guy I mentioned obviously has no respect for women. I just don't want this to keep me away from meetings for fear of gossip yknow. The whole situation is just stressful and ridiculous. It also kinda pisses me off that a man who's 24yrs my senior behaves in this manner
Ahhhhh, ... the plot thickens ... sounds like there's some 'sexual harassment' going on here too ... May be time to consider going to your work's management and lodging a formal complaint ... I think you need a female sponsor somewhat older than you to discuss such matters with ... I'm a guy, but I know when a person has overstepped certain boundaries, and it sounds like this guy has ... But I'm afraid you may have to prepare yourself for some kind of 'fallout' if you bring his harassment to the surface ... be careful and seek local advice ...
Just because people come to AA for their alcohol problems doesn't mean they don't bring a lot of other problems with them ... It's unfortunate for you, but keep your 'sobriety' as your NUMBER 1 priority ... All else is secondary ... As time passes by, you'll be able to handle situations in the future that are baffling to you now ... Be sure to get a sponsor ASAP ...
Wish I could be of more help, ... you have my prayers, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Okay, ... As soon as I can uncross my legs I'll try to think of something intelligent to say ...
Hey Col, ... Ya know, that's a really bad mental picture ... Not that the guy doesn't really deserve it ... LOL ... But I wouldn't want you to establish that as a common practice, LOL ... Ha!, we need all the members we can keep!!!
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It took me a few rounds and some documentation but I successfully stopped abuse towards me in a work setting by not being afraid to bring it to the employers, who are legally responsible to ASSURE certain safeties and appropriate behavior in their workplace. Unfortunately there is no guarantee of anonymity re: AA, so preparing self to deal with possible breaches and implications in career, relationships etc. is worth putting some time and effort into. We especially have the 11th step for stuff like that.
