"Sharing with others keeps us from feeling isolated and alone."Basic Text pg. 81Intimacy is the sharing of our innermost thoughts and feelings with another human being. Many of us long for the warmth and companionship intimacy brings, but those things don't come without effort. In our addiction, we learned to guard ourselves from others lest they threaten our using. In recovery, we learn how to trust others. Intimacy requires us to lower our defenses. To feel the closeness intimacy brings, we must allow others to get close to us - the real us.If we are to share our innermost selves with others, we must first have an idea of what those innermost selves are truly like. We regularly examine our lives to find out who we really are, what we really want, and how we really feel.
########ROSIE....oh in my drinking/ isolating days, i had NOone....self imposed isolation.....i didn't need a key to lock me in my isolation cage...it was in my head!!!! i craved love/ affection, but the FEAR overrode the desire/longing....so i was in the middle...stuck in this horrendous "between stage"....no falling either way...just dangling......i was guarded, not so much cuz of my drinking, but becuz of "who/ what" i was......in recovery, i "came out" really big...i mean i let it ALL hang out.....but you know??? i feel a ton lighter for it.....i am learning to trust SAFE others.........for me it is slow, this trusting business isn't easy, may never be easy , but i am willing to let my HP guide me on this one.......i crave intimacy wiht SAFE others too, and i have lowered my defenses to safe ones....it is good...to share is to exchange love/ companionship..........i call it " in-to-me-see"....i am doing that, with souls who show me they are safe...in increments....it is a good feeling.......i work the steps/ literature/ et al to KNOW the real me so i know who i am sharing......that may sound funny, but it was so true not very long ago....i had NO clue as to WHO....WHAT i was sharing....but i gave it a go, and learned by the seat of my pants...........yep, i am holding onto my butt and going for the ride.....
Then, based on our regular inventories of ourselves, we must be as completely and consistently honest with our friends as we can be.Intimacy is a part of life, and therefore a part of living clean - and intimacy, like everything in recovery, has its price. The painstaking self-scrutiny intimacy calls for can be hard work. And the total honesty of intimacy often brings its own complications. But the freedom from isolation and loneliness that intimacy brings is well worth the effort.Just for today: I seek the freedom from isolation and loneliness that intimacy brings. Today, I will get to know "the real me" by taking a personal inventory, and I will practice being completely honest with another person.
######ROSIE.....oh yeah, my sponser woudn't let me fudge EVEN if i wanted to....and i do not....whats the point of not being honest with me/ my sponser/ my recovery group????? ......i WANT to do self scrutiny, i WANT to know me......for decades i lived the way my abuser SAID i exhisted.....NOW???? its MY life MY choices MY karma MY MY MY...and i WANT to know ALL about me.....the ME that almost didn't make it....the ME that kept me alive all those years.......the good..the bad....the EVERYthing.......i am excited at knowing me more and more......yes, i want to be FREE of isolation and loneliness.....now lately i have needed my quiet time as i transcend into the spiritual rhealm of things with my HP.....seeking that "conscious awareness AND experience" of my HP is #1 priority now......i am "comming out" more now, but for about a week, or more, i hunkered down and it was ME and my HP....on a one to one for a bit becuz i NEEDED it that way...........TODAY, i work to keep getting to know me AND my HP as a partnership...working for the same good!!!! MY restoration of my soul and life and all what was taken from me..............thank you DONE
