Children of alcoholics

gonee · MIP Old Timer

Children of alcoholics

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

I remember reading that list, at 6 months sober in an Acoa meeting. It was painful to realize that I identified with every single one. But I guess with both parents being alcoholics, how could it be otherwise? I gained alot by working this program, along with my AA and Coda programs. Not sure if I'd have stayed sober If I hadn't. Too many issues that were causing me problems relating to everyone I came in contact with, especially co-workers and bosses.

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

hmmmm, just looked into a bit - ouch. Not ready for that yet. Clearly going to have to take a look soon though.

Tracey C · Senior Member

Oh yes, yes, yes!!!

About 4 years ago, I bought a lovely little affirmation book from a St. Vinnies store. Little did I know it was written for adult children of alcoholics. After reading for a few days alarm bells were going off in my head. Was mum an alcoholic, I asked my husband? We always had what us kids called a magic fridge. It was never empty of beer. Then the thoughts, well, she never appeared drunk, just always going off at a drop of the hat. Our house was like a war zone. We never knew what would happen when we got home. No wonder I had miagraines from the age of 8. But we'ld see the stubby hidden on the kitchen window sill, the carton's in the bedroom cupboard ready to reload the fridge, the empties being carefully wrapped in newspaper so they don't clink when they're thrown out. My God that was our family and still is!!!!

From that one little book, came a journey that has utterley changed my life. Incidently, my Mum found it at my house and politely got rid of it, while she was visiting. It must have hit her between the eyes. Anyway I bought another from amazon earlier this year.

Now I follow Tony A's book The Laundry List. One of the things he says is, that before we can work the program properly, we need to be honest about our own addictions. If we're still using we won't receive the full benefits of acoa. Hence now everything is starting to come up. All my compulsions/addictions I have had from when I was little. One would stop then another would start. Then back again, round and round.

It hasn't been easy looking at the truths of what we grew up with. Boy, it explains a lot of things. I wasn't mad, crazy, loony, even though she used to say I should have been in the crazy house.

Yes, it has been one hell of a journey but really is it any harder than living with what we went through as children.

Tracey

StPeteDean · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for sharing Tracy. It makes sense of a senseless childhood. It was just me and mom from about 7 years old on. She's now 36 years sober and man I've had to set a LOT of boundaries in the last 20 years but it worked. We're able to have a relationship, and I feel like I care about her now, where as a child I felt so numb I don't think I cared about her (or anyone else including me) at all. Thank HP for my second wife. We'll celebrate 15 years next week, been together 19. She' a non-alcoholic but her Dad is, hence she couldn't help but be attracted to me. lol

Mr_David · MIP Old Timer

Great stuff Gonee, thanks.

Mike B. · MIP Old Timer

Thanks for a great post to all. I identified with all the characteristics. Great to get a handle on where the bullets came from. confuse

Grateful to say God and The Program of AA have done for me, what I could never have done on my own. These characteristics are much less active today and when activated, disspate much sooner than in the past. smile

Ruhig · Senior Member

Wow. Nothing convinces me I'm an acoa like the reaction I just had to this post. :) thanks

Adult Child Characteristics: Alcoholic & Dysfunctional Families Codependent behaviours (listed by Janet Woititz), developed in response to alcoholism and dysfunction, that hamper success and the enjoyment of life