There are two kinds of fear in this world, healthy fear and unhealthy fear. Healthy fear tells you not to do something that will harm yourself, like grabbing onto live electrical wires. Unhealthy fear, on the other hand, distorts reason and distorts beliefs. Unhealthy fear can control every action you take. During my active addiction to alcohol and drugs, this unhealthy fear was a constant companion. Frequently this fear escalated into paranoia. This fear controlled me. I was not able to think clearly or make rational choices because of this fear. I began to believe that all people were bad and were out to get me. I felt trapped in this fear and could not do anything without first consulting my fears. I stopped drinking and using, but fear had become a part of me. I did not feel I could trust others. People were willing to help me, but I actually believed they wanted to harm me. Even at meetings I carried this mistrust. Even with family and friends who really cared for me, I found that fear of condemnation was still apart of me. This unhealthy fear had grown into a character defect. It was pervasive in my personality. I let fear run my life even in recovery. Have I let fear run my life? Meditations for the Heart
######ROSIE....my fear was for the most part UNhealthy.....i had the healthy type too, when i was right to be afraid, but i was loaded with the UNhealthy fear as well......i had distorted fears , irrational fears of gloom and doom/ disaster/ lack/ limitation/ i looked for demons under every rock.......my obsessive need to control is FEAR....FEAR my life will fall apart if i am not in control.......my obsessive need to check my doors after i locked them is out of FEAR.....FEAR that i did not see my own reality........my obession with hoarding food, etc, is out of FEAR.....FEAR of lack and limitation, FEAR my needs won't be met.....FEAR i wont make it in life..........i let a lot of opportunites go out of FEAR of failure....FEAR of sucess......fear has run my life.....back in the horror days, i had no safe person with which to rest........no safe place at which to find solace.........no , in my sick mind, god from whom i could find protection..........nothing....so fear took over.........when i stopped drinking , the fear was a pat of me.....i didn't trust god....didn't trust me....didn't trust life....didnt' trust others........i looked for demons under every rock.......it wasn't until i got into recovery and was in here a WHILE that the irrational fear began to subside......while i still fear my needs won't be met, i am improving.....i probably MOST likely will be slow to trust for the rest of my life.....i just got too hurt...too betrayed.....too injured to ever get 100% over it....but i CAN, with love and patience and understanding/compassion from a loved one....i CAN......i am willing, but i will always, i think, be SLOW.......look at the hard work i am doing to even trust in my HP......its DOABLE, but its going to take me time........my unhealthy fear became an appendage of mine......it was pervasive in my personality...........i was traumatized when i was born, and now i suffer post trauma stress syndrome......i may never come back all the way......my HP is in charge of that.....NO way can i heal this on my own.....the ONLY hope for me to even manage my fear is to give it over to my creator...........i humbly give it over to my HP.....i am WAY better than i used to be, but i got a LONG ways to go when it comes to my fear......thats just being honest...........unless my HP pulls off a miracle, i doubt very seriously that i will get all of me back!!!! i just had too much happen to me.....but ya know???? my HP is the Holy Spirit and it works THROUGH me and so there is ALWAYS hope!!!! no matter what happens, i know for a FACT, that the worst is over with NOONE is EVER going to hurt me like that again, so that right there, tells me things are better....and AS i let my HP come IN TO ME...........miracles can happen...i am OPEN.....i am WILLING......i am a child of the universe!!!!!!
Sometimes it becomes important to just keep things simple. My sponsor used to ask me a question, "Does it interfere with your breathing?" What he was asking about was the situation a matter of life or death. He told me that relapse could affect my breathing, and I needed to go to more meetings. It has only been in recent years that I have recognized that I need to keep things this simple in my spiritual life. Does it affect my spiritual breathing? Each day I need to take time to breathe in the Spirit. It is important that I slow down purposefully to breathe in the positive energy and the direction my Higher Power have to offer me. When I rush into the day without this time of quiet prayer and meditation, I find myself becoming short of spiritual breath. Rhythmically and evenly I need to breathe in what is offered to me freely. Do I take the time I need to breathe spiritually each day?
######ROSIE.....for me, that is what i did!!!! "keep things simple" and i STILL do, most of the time....in fact i SHALL lots of times....just keep it simple........easy does it.......one day at a time........i do believe when one has been hurt as horrendously as some of us have......"keeping it simple" is the way to go!!!!! i too, breathe IN my HP's love....breathe OUT the darkness forced upon me......and yes, i STOP.......BREATHE IN my HP's love/protection/blessings, etc..... and breathe OUT the fear/ anger/ resentment/ ANYthing negative......oh i MUST begin the day with my step 11 work....prayer and meditation....i find my days are more peaceful...more calm.....more "easy does it"............this is so vital to me.......doing my "HP work"........its my daily and nightly medicine!!!! beats the hell out of "copping a buzz"..........
Petitions to my Higher Power
God, Today I need to work on letting go of the grip I have on control. Let me rest comfortably in the assurance that You will lead me to health. Help me not to get wrapped up in fear and to simply trust You. Amen.
TODAY, i pray to my HP to REMIND me EACH day to pray/ meditate with honesty/ openess/ willingness AND surrender......"THY will not mine be done"......... i pray to be at rest/ calm/ to slow down and savor the love of my HP......to trust in my HP's care / love of me..............thank you DONE
