Why not have him stop with you? Start your lives together on the right foot. Marriage will bring many hurdles on its own, drinking won't help one bit.. welcome aboard newbie here as well.
Back in the day I would have gone ahead and gotten married under that circumstance--love, don't cha know.
Today, if the man I am with can't not drink--to say nothing of not getting drunk--when I need to stay sober, on our wedding day no less!!! then he's history...at least until he can show me what love really is, including respect for my struggle with a potentially fatal illness. Husband material????? Fair question to ask yourself. Better take a second look now than be disappointed or worse later, IMHO.
Many of us with some decent time and quality of sobriety can be around people who drink, to some extent, though many of us prefer not to do so at all. I have no defense against that first drink except all the tools of the program and my spiritual condition--which just doesn't mesh with hanging with drinkers and drunks-wedding or no wedding! I no longer worry about accommodating the drinkers at functions that are for me or put on by me. I come first. Otherwise I'm on the way to being dead. These days, I pick friends who respect me and my sobriety and wouldn't dream of undermining me or making me look like a party-pooper. I provide a bunch of excellent non-alcoholic mixed drinks and usually after a few sips they forget all about the booze, in any form. Those who can't get past it might leave early, and that's OK...better than me taking a tumble any day.
If you're there drunk ... who says you actually showed up ???
Reminds me when Charlie of '2 1/2 men' woke up one morning in a Tux .... His first words ... Oh God, Did I get married ? ... Ha, blackouts were frequent for me ... AND scary ...
Seems to me if your really going through with this, you'd want to have some chance of 'REMEMBERING' it ... ... ...
May wiser minds prevail, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My wedding was one of the most special days of my life, and yours should be too. At the end of the day my face hurt with all the smiling:) I can't imagine such a special occasion in which two people declare their love for, and total commitment to, each other, having any real meaning if the groom is out of his tree. Don't you think you deserve better? You know, as you embark on this journey in sobriety, you will change and grow, you will become a better, more attractive person, your life will get better in every respect Maybe now is not the best time to sign up to a lifetime relationship. Perhaps your instinct to "not turn up" is the right one for you.
At the very least delay seems advisable until you feel settled in your sobriety and perhaps better equipped to make just about the biggest commitment anyone can make in this life.
Do you know this in advance, the drunken part I mean? If his 'drinking' offends you that much than tell him. Let him know in advance how you feel. If I were him, I would abstain altogether from drinking -at least for that one day. That's not asking too much, now is it? But I'm not him, now am I. You can wait and see how the event turns out or you can make preparations in advance that could insure a better outcome, you choose. My suggestion, make a solemn commitment between the two of you -kind of like a marriage vow- that says 'drinking' shall not come between us, now or ever. If he's not willing to make such a commitment than he might not be ready for marriage either, but the choice will still be up to you. I hope you enjoy the wedding though, regardless.
