Many newcomers to AA seem to run into a block around step 3, and quite a few never get past it. Why could that be? Perhaps it is because the first three steps are relatively passive, the first requiring honesty and acceptance, the second, willingness to believe, and the third a simple decision to turn out will and our lives over to whatever it is we are willing to believe in. The subsequent steps are all action.
A lot say that they are having trouble getting step 3 or they dont feel its complete. So how would you know when step 3 is done? What is it that folks think they have to experience to really know they have nailed it?
Looking in our basic text we can see that an effect, sometimes a very great one, is felt at once when this step is taken honestly and humbly. Perhaps it is helpful to read these lines in the context of appendix II which explains the term spiritual experience and is at pains to point out that the bright light experience while common, does not occur in every case. Many, such as myself, had more gradual awakenings of the educational variety. So no immediate signal for me.
My higher power was the AA group to start with and my decision (effectively) was to do whatever was suggested by them. I used the 3rd step prayer and set out to follow what I thought Gods will ought to be. The phrase doing the next right thing comes to mind as more or less what I tried to do. It was the next right thing in my opinion anyway. So my life each day was reasonably satisfactory, I wasnt drinking or getting into trouble in the usual sense. At the end of the day I thanked my HP for keeping me sober.
But there was no serenity, no good nights sleep. Many of the negatives stayed just as they were. This aint a great place to be but it is where many of us find ourselves trapped.
In our suggested third step prayer we ask God to do a few things for us, and through the prayer He eventually let me know what action I needed to take to enable Him to grant my request.
I asked Him to relieve me of the bondage of self. The tools he provided me with to do my part are steps 4 and 5. My personality was defective in ways I was unaware of. Maybe because I was not quite sane.
Step four helped me to see and begin to understand the true nature of my condition and why my behaviour made me unhappy. Step 5 helped me deal with my secrets, the skeletons in the closet that I hoped would never see the light of day. These skeletons danced in my head every night, hence no peace.
Then I asked Him to Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help.
Through six and seven God reduced these defects to the extent that I was then able to do my part in the final request of the step 3 prayer. My part was step nine, make restitution.
By this time I just knew step 3 was nailed. God had granted all my requests in the third step prayer and had, with my willing cooperation, removed the things that had been blocking me.
For me it transpired that with all the good intentions on the world, step 3 would have no lasting effect unless I gave God my full cooperation on the rest of the steps.
Apologies for my verbosity. I know there are posters on this site who could express these sentiments in a couple of sentences. Lets hope they do!
God Bless,
MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 21st of May 2012 04:03:38 AM
Very inclusive post MikeH. I started getting step three right away in saying the serenity prayer to hand over people, places, and things, that I had no control over (everything pretty much). It was a form of stress relief that worked immediately. This lead me to believe that my prayers were answered. That lead to focusing gratitude toward my higher power (instead of to myself). All of these practices were to direct attention away from self and toward my HP. This always has left me feeling free of "bondage of self". Once we connect the dots here, it's pretty simple, even if one first "fakes it" as just a psychological model that gets results. As we stay open minded and willing, our relationship to our HP grows. It's a process not an event (for most of us).
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 21st of May 2012 09:29:55 AM
Great post. This is something I needed to read as I've been struggling with some step issues that I couldn't articulate in my own head. Thanks for this.
Loved your post ... You just explained the reason it took me literally years to master step three ... After step three, the whole world changed for me ... AA and it's principles became the 'way of life' I wanted ... Once I abandoned 'self-will', my life changed immediately ... each day, things became clearer ... my path became unencumbered ... AND ... a 'peace and serenity' I had never known wrapped it's arms around me ... sleep now comes easy (too easy at times) ... I don't have a worry or an anxiety at all now ... my blood pressure is where it should be ... life, which I used to loathe, I now embrace ...
The most crucial part of my recovery was the 'concept' I had of God ... It was only when this concept took form and shape in my mind that I could properly accomplish doing step three ... and I feel 'alive' today with God's spirit inside of me ... Once my eyes were opened to the spirit I saw first hand in the meetings and within the 'fellowships' of AA, I lost all 'doubt' that God was indeed alive and well and performing miracles through these folks ... They had what I wanted ... and now have ...
Thanks for this post Mike ... Great topic ... and very needed I might add ... Hopefully anyone struggling with this step, or finally realizing they have work yet to do with this step, will inquire further on what others have experienced and how we worked it out ... That's why we're here, isn't it ? ...
Take Care and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks Mike....I am a firm advocate of Step3/Step 11 meditations as my eyes open each morning before i get up from bed.I always had the same God in my life but as I really instilled and incorporated the Steps into the actions and behaviors of my life my total relationship changed.The man made rules and Do's and Donts were replaced for me by my own seeking and striving for that concious contact we talk of each day of LIFE..That Power we speak of in our second step and the "GOD" God we speak of in our third step became much more clear in not only application but in my mind...Coming to believe,the antidote to move forward in our recoveries ,a day at a time. Though I do at times ,continue to take my will back(I am human:) I also strive to pray first in all things,make the decison and trust in my Higher Power,whom I do call God,to work out the results....The miracles continue to reign.....Have a blessed and productive day.
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
I like the fact that the step actually says I decide to turn my life/will over "...to the CARE OF...", not that I turn my life and will over. I just decide to let some caring in, which of course has already begun within the whole deal up to that point anyway---so--not really so hard to decide after all! Each step takes care of itself if not given short-shrift in the first place. HOW? Honest, open-minded, willing. Yet another annoying, but-oh-so-true-cliche!
