Today I got to pick between going to an AA meeting, or buying a new car. I really needed to go to a meeting today. I woke up cranky and discontented, and needed my other family to get me out of my own head.
We had breakfast as a family in the dining room this morning. The sun was shining through my daughters hair, and the birds were singing. I was barking like a sick dog at my beautiful young children to sit still and eat, but they continued to act their age. Hmmmf, such expectations I can have.
After we finished eating the eggs we had just gathered from the coop, we skipped off to pick up the sitter. Things started getting rushed and we fell behind schedule, and inevitably, I said "ah no big deal... I can go to a meeting later". Always later these days it seems. I am 7 weeks sober, and already fluffing off meetings every other day. Yes it's spring, yes, I only buy a new car every 3 years, and yes life happens, but deep down, I knew I needed to go to a meeting this morning, and didn't.
I was running the show today. I'm only 7 weeks sober.
I have a life I do not deserve. Fresh food, wonderful children, a brilliant support system, and I was not grateful today. I did not turn my life over to Him.
Pearl white car, and coal black soul today.
Not good.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Saturday 19th of May 2012 05:59:53 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Did you say, a new car every three years? Wow...I should be so lucky. I'm glad you had a great day though, despite all else. Remember, you don't have to 'feel' grateful to 'be' grateful. And believe me, you are.
Children certainly have a way about them, don't they dear? They can brighten up any room even on our worst days. And that dear is what I call "our tiniest of miracles'. When you magnify that same miracle by 7 weeks you arrive at another miracle, you. So be grateful for that, okay.
Imagine how this day 'would' have played out if alcohol was still in the mix? Yeah...just as I thought; any more questions? Enjoy your 'new' car dear, and your new way of life -one day at a time.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 20th of May 2012 12:10:36 AM
It can be a tall order to change our daily routines and habits ... in fact our goal should be to change the very WAY we 'think' ... Until I change the way I think, I'll remain the person I always was ...
First thing my sponsor had me do was to pray every morning for God to 'take me today and do with me as He sees fit, and to please remove any desire to drink I might have throughout the day ... ' ... He also had me to tape a message on my bathroom mirror ... The message he had written out was the first thing I saw every morning, it said: "Good Morning, Roger ... This is God, I will be in charge of your life today ... AND NO, I will not need your help ..." ... ... ... ... Ya know what? ... strange as it may seem, that helped me a lot ...
Some of us were, or are, sicker than others ... for me, I found it necessary to go to an avg. of 8 meetings a week for 'right at 2 years' ... We recommend 90-in-90 for a very good reason ... it's to help you to change your 'thinking' and to help make meetings an integral part of each and every day ... It works ... It's one of the few places in early sobriety that we feel safe ...
You seemed to have given this situation today a great deal of thought ... and are showing perhaps some bit of guilt for not doing what you think you ought to have done ... I can only suggest that you may want to consider making a small amends to your 'higher power' and ask for knowledge of His will for you and the courage and power and desire to carry that out ...
Always changes my outlook, God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Well, how is the new car??? Sometimes you just can't make the meeting even though you want and need to. Do what you just did. Vocalize it and double down, but don't beat yourself up too much! You are doing awesome. Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
Tasha most of us need a car to get to meeting, mine was repossessed and a good friend picked me up 6 nights a week for well over a year because he was going THAT WAY..To the meetings too.
Just think of the many people that you can fit into your new car and take them too. :} Share of the cost some say :}
Not sure if you would have got one if you were still a drunk :{ And they children are so lucky to have a happy Mum. Please do not put yourself down today,try take a long drive around in your new car a check out some meetings further afield if you can too, its always nice to get to meetings outside of our area.
Polly, I pick up a lot of people for meetings, and that was the first thought on my mind, going from a van to a car would not allow me to pick up so many - but - it's been costing me over 150 in gas and babysitters a week to go to meetings, so had to do something to cut the cost a bit. I will not take any money for gas from people... I was where they are too once, I remember when getting a bottle of sauve shampoo was a luxury at one dollar. It was strawberry scented and such a treat!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
