My first and greatest sponsor told me that not everyone is going to like me as a mater of personal preferences. Likewise I'm not going to care for everyone else. Bottom line is that it's ok. I can go far with a "live and let live" attitude.
My first sponsor would say in meetings, that 20% would like you, 20% would not, and 60% wouldnt give a dam either way. One big miss quote in AA is from chuck C. Most people only know the first part " its none of my business what you think of me " then he went on to say " unless you make it my business, but it is my business what i think of you " I get that. If i just stop at the first part, it feeds my ego in trying to being better then you because inside i really dont like my self much. If what I think of you is wrapped up in resentment and judgement it will turn my soul dark and a drink is on its way. When i can live in the steps, which means i actually have gone through them, i can see with Gods help that we are the same and that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Then I can have love and compassion for you. When I can do that, my thoughts of you are good and I feel free inside, and a drink is not on its way. AA is not about learning self help montras. Its self abandonment. Its about changing the way we think through action that we dont think will work ie: the steps.
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Since it cost a lot to win, and even more to loose, you and me gotta spend some time just wondering what to choose.
You have a wonderful spirit Tasha, so who cares? I'm not in the people pleasing business either, but the recovery business instead. And so should you. Thanks for reminding me of that Tasha, each and every day.
Well said, JaD. People pleasing has been a major defect of mine, and still is, so your comment above is right on the mark in terms of recover as far I'm concerned.
I guess I am lucky in a sense because I was too arrogant, too wrapped up in my own world to really care what anyone thought of me except for a select few. And right at the end I didn't care very much what they though either.
Means that I have a hell of a lot of bridge building to do, but it also means that real or imagined disapproval from the rest of the world is water off a duck's back for me. I wouldn't recommend it as a way to learn to not worry about the perceptions of others, but seeming I have the tools I may as well put them to use - with humility rather than arrogance this time.
