ive been to aa a few meetings and everyone keeps telling oh things will get better once ur sober and ive been sober for 6months and its not at all getting better yes i do feel alot less sick lol but im miserable and unhappy and it def didnt help that i miscarried again, ive never done this online stuff before and i dont know if im doing it right....i just want to be happy at least wen i was drunk i was happy
You can't have been that happy if you ended up walking into AA. I'm yet to see the person that says to themselves "I'm feeling great today. I think I'll just pop into AA and see what they are up to".
If you have a sponsor I'd suggest you have a good talk to them about how you are feeling. If you don't then it's probably a good idea to get one. Doing it alone will only make things harder.
I don't know where it says it, but the big book tells us that "we didn't become alcoholics over night, we won't recover over night"
I've only had a sponsor about a week, and I feel more crazy than I did before I had a program. I tell myself that it's just because I'm aware of what's going on around me and how I effect things in my life.
Also, the big book says something about how recovery is not always easy, but the rewards are well worth it.
But you should read through it and find out what it says. And People here are good at quoting entire pages from the BB, high lighting the more pertinant parts.
__________________
sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
You said you have been to a few AA meetings and yet you're 6 months sober ... ??? ... (your 'on-line' post was just fine by-the-way) ... I agree with Frodo and Ruhig ... I didn't just wonder into an AA meeting one day because life was all Peaches & Cream ... and the BB does promise better things "if we work for them" ... I'm curious what your sponsor advises you to do and if you're actually going to enough meetings to really grasp the 'fatal nature' of our disease ... I find it hard to believe you feel that you were happier 'drinking' than you are sober ... something doesn't add up ...How far along are you in working the steps ??? ... If you are not happier sober than you were when you were drunk, then there's something missing ... Please tell us more, we may be able to help ...
God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I have been feeling just like you the last couple of days. Last night I started really seriously thinking of drinking. I immediately shut off everything in the house with any sort of noise to it, and started praying this feeling be removed. Then I asked God to help me be like him, and work through me. I said the serenity prayer, and thanked Him for another sober day. I have never done this so extensively before. Praying is new to me, very new, and it feels awkward, as I don't even fully understand to whom or what I am praying at. I am fairly new you see, but am willing to do ANYTHING to have the serenity people speak of in this program. I do BELIEVE this program will work if I work it. And right now, AA is my definable higher power.
By the time I finished the prayers, I was no longer thinking of drinking. I went on to think of some things I am grateful for, but my mind drifted to the hurt between my husband and I. It was late, he was still working, and just then, I heard his truck pull in the driveway. I said something insensitive to him against my best intelligence - AND after telling myself not to! (It's rough being me I tell ya ; )
I am happy to report that my thoughts of drinking are gone this morning. That is the most important thing. My husband and I have a lot to work out, but I'm trying to remember that progress here is key - not perfection. That is evident between both of us, and I am grateful. I'm accepting that right now, since I have not finished my steps, and am not taking full advantage of a sponsor, I will have urges to drink, and my thinking and behaviors will reflect "drinking thinking", but there are things I CAN do (pray) to help me until I get my ass in gear.
I will also pray for you to the God of my understanding. Thanks for reminding me why I am here. Best wishes
-- Edited by justadrunk on Wednesday 16th of May 2012 07:06:34 AM
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
OMG I loved drinking too! And, I thought, it really worked for me for years and years.
But in the end it stopped working. I drank and drank and it wasn't fun anymore. Looking back at my drinking, what I thought was fun and working for me really wasn't either. It just inflated my ego and made me not give a shit.
The 1st time I came to A.A. was because a bad case of the D.T.'s scared me into quitting for awhile.
I returned to A.A. the next time because my lawyer suggested it. And ended up staying because I just couldn't seem to leave the alcohol alone.
Then there is this appalling recovery statistic that we seem to have these days. The majority of folks that come to AA drift away after a year or so because, some have told me, they don't feel like they are making any progress. Look a little closer at what is happeniing in their AA experience. People tell them to not drink and go to meetings, don't rush into the steps, there's no hurry, take what you like and leave the rest, keep coming back and it'll get better. They feel just like the OP describes. For alcoholics of my type, there is way more work than that required, the steps are a matter of urgency. Real alcoholics don't have the option of sitting around waiting for something to happeTn. he Big Book gives them a stark choice - if you are as seriously alcoholic as I was you can either accept spiritual help, or drink. That is the truth of it.
The alcoholic can of course make his own bed and lie in it, wallowing in self pity and rejecting any help, in which case they might as well drink. But if you are willing but being denied the true spiritual help of a capable sponsor to walk you through the steps, then that's a different matter. Get off your bfa and find a meeting that is solution based, and find a sponsor who knows what to do.
So tell us ET2412 what step woork have you done, how far have you got with the steps? This is important stuff, because if you are an alcoholic of my type, you have an illness which ONLY a spiritual experience will conquer, and the only path I know to the spiritual awakeninf needed to effect recovery from alcoholism, is via the 12 steps of AA. Do post again and tell us if you are doing your honest best with this program. As you see I am prepared to believe your dilemna might not entirely be your fault. Keep posting and we will try and help you forward.
Things do get better when we are sober in AA. My emotions were still crazy and it caused a lot of trouble, but incremently in little baby steps, I started to get better. Today after many years of being in AA, my emotions still affect me from time to time, but they do not have the capacity to destroy me like they used to.
"A few meetings" is not committing to that AA program. It wont work with that little involvement. Sounds like you are white knuckling it and that is always a miserable experience.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
When I was drunk I was very unhappy. And when I wanted to stop drinking I could not,till they locked me up !!
Like you and '' most people '' It is not easy, I was told that I was coming off a very powerful drug ! I was addicted ! The drink had control over me..I took things a moment at a time and did not get dressed till the evening and I was picked up for my meetings. I did one every night because I was frightened, very very frightened I would go out and buy another bottle :{
Its not like that today. I am no longer frightened and I am no longer hurt. Like Tasha I too started praying hard to something ! I did not know what !!, because I was so angry at a God I had when growing up, at school,and Sunday School. So angry !! But most of all I hated myself because I just could not stop buying and drinking THE DRINK :{ This was making me more depressed and unhappy,even more angry. They locked me up because I wanted so much to kill myself ! I did not even care about my children or husband !
I was told this is the jumping off point. I could no longer live with the drink or without it..
Please look up page 83 in the Big Book. When I heard these promises read out at the meetings I wanted them. I wanted what it would be like to live FREE from the powers of the bottle. Free from the FEAR and LONELINESS that I felt.
I got onto my knees and prayed with the Big Book in my hand,I prayed hard and cried out. I prayed and cried till I could no more, I needed to find something, something that I did not have,something that would help me. I needed a HIGHER POWER. a GOD of my understanding. Then I found it...Peace.
It was in my hands all that I needed. I stopped the panic and just felt safe. The fear had left me.
My Big Book in big print was in my hands. It tells me in there how it started,how it works and how to keep it and how to pass it on. The AA way of living. I needed a way of living because I was beat..
No it was not easy but it was worth all the hard work and the early days of struggle. I needed lots of support from my new found friends in the rooms of Alcoholic Anonymous and they gave it willingly :}
Keep working for it. Keep coming back. It will get better :} and even more someday's :}
Today I understand that I can only stay sober if I keep working at it because if not I might drink again.
Please keep posting and thank you for helping me today.
I have been feeling just like you the last couple of days. Last night I started really seriously thinking of drinking. I immediately shut off everything in the house with any sort of noise to it, and started praying this feeling be removed. Then I asked God to help me be like him, and work through me. I said the serenity prayer, and thanked Him for another sober day. I have never done this so extensively before. Praying is new to me, very new, and it feels awkward, as I don't even fully understand to whom or what I am praying at. I am fairly new you see, but am willing to do ANYTHING to have the serenity people speak of in this program. I do BELIEVE this program will work if I work it. And right now, AA is my definable higher power.
By the time I finished the prayers, I was no longer thinking of drinking. I went on to think of some things I am grateful for, but my mind drifted to the hurt between my husband and I. It was late, he was still working, and just then, I heard his truck pull in the driveway. I said something insensitive to him against my best intelligence - AND after telling myself not to! (It's rough being me I tell ya ; )
I am happy to report that my thoughts of drinking are gone this morning. That is the most important thing. My husband and I have a lot to work out, but I'm trying to remember that progress here is key - not perfection. That is evident between both of us, and I am grateful. I'm accepting that right now, since I have not finished my steps, and am not taking full advantage of a sponsor, I will have urges to drink, and my thinking and behaviors will reflect "drinking thinking", but there are things I CAN do (pray) to help me until I get my ass in gear.
I will also pray for you to the God of my understanding. Thanks for reminding me why I am here. Best wishes
-- Edited by justadrunk on Wednesday 16th of May 2012 07:06:34 AM
Excellent insight Tasha. Things will get better for you just like Tasha here, we promise.
