Today I stayed home instead of attending the Mothers day picnic with my husband's family. I am too ashamed to face them. I talked about it in the morning meeting. It's eating at me, and I feel like I will never be able to face them, and it will come between Zach and I some day. When Zach told my family and his family that I am an alcoholic, they were shocked. My family have all been very supportive and loving. His family have avoided me, not talked to me. They used to do all planning with our family throuh me, now they call or email Zach. They have not said a word. This reassures me that they do not believe that I have a disease. Of course, I didn't either until it was beat into my head. They will never go through the "beating" so what can I expect. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy anyway... I'm glad they don't understand.
It still hurts.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I found out that no matter how eloquently I explain where I am and what I have those close to me just don't get it. My grandfather thinks I'm cured and should be able to have a couple of quiet beers now. Mum and dad think AA is some sort of cult. My sorta ex wife thinks I gave up to spite her, or that she wasn't good enough for me to use my willpower when I was with her. Stuff like that. They don't understand the beating - lucky for them - but we do. That's what makes AA special. You understand me and I understand you. This is where the understanding you need is.
What I also found out is that rather than try to explain or worry about what they do or don't think, is that by just following the program and not picking up that first drink one day at a time, that they have seen a change in me that I can't really see but I accept, and they are now not that worried about WHAT I have, WHY I have it, or HOW I am dealing with it, because they are just happy that it is working and is helping me be the man I should be.
When I broke up with my wife she would have been happy to have found out I was dead in a ditch somewhere. I honestly never thought she'd talk to me again without cursing. The other night we sat down and chatted and laughed and smiled for about 6 hours after I dropped the kids back at her place.
That and many other things like that have happened to me. Not because of anything unique I do that you can't, but because I use this program. You are using the program and if you are honest with it things like this will happen for you. It WILL get better.
Last of all - don't be ashamed or hide. You walk with God. Hold your head high. You are on the right path.
Tasha - As you sobriety time and recovery grows you will feel more and more proud of it. Sober Tasha will grow and become confident and she will basically squash ashamed meek fake perfect Tasha. At that point you won't give a crap what your inlaws think cuz you will know that you are a better person for being an alcoholic and for being in recovery. You are already significantly into this journey. It has not yet occurred to you how much courage and determination you have shown and that you really CAN hold your head up, as long as you just keep doing what you are doing and stick with your program.
All of us are proud of you!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
I don't know why in the world your husband found it necessary to make it known to your families that you have a problem with alcohol ... this is a personal issue that should have remained between you and him ... I hope his purpose was not to add 'pressure' to your remaining sober ... No alcoholic, especially me, wants to feel that they 'have to' do what others think they should do ... this is a program of suggestions and anonymity ...
My sponsor described that my family had such a problem 'trusting' me that my 'amends' portion of the program, where they are involved, will be what he called a 'living amends' ... meaning that I own up to them, my faults and 'short-comings' and promise to try and live sober and make the next right decision ... My family had heard this promise several times over the years ... It wasn't until I made sobriety my first 'daily priority', that I was able, with God's help, put together some real time sober ... It took years for me to destroy my relationship with my families and it took years to regain that lost 'trust' ... Sorry ... repairing your integrity with your 'in-laws' will take time ... Just remember that there's no problem you will ever have that a drink or a drug will not make worse ...
Your are doing great ... keep doing what you know to be right ... you WILL have more 'trials' to come ... I pray they only strengthen your resolve ... With God, all things are possible ...
God Bless you, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
The family is always a bit behind. Sometimes because they have been let down before and sometimes because they just don't understand. As they see your progress, as they see you develop into a whole human being, and an even more loving mother and wife, as they see there is nothing to fear, they will come round. Many of us have been on the wrong side of our families but recovery has brought about great healing in this area and I, for one, have been absolutely blown away by the relaitionship I now have with my family. It is one of the most joyful aspects of sobriety.
Keep at it Tasha! I won't repeat what the others have said, but it's my experience also.
Read The Promises, they will materilize if you work for them. One of The Promises is, fear of people insecurities will leave us. What that will mean is you'll learn/obtain to love yourself for who and what you are. Walk with your head up and have self confidence. It will matter little what others think of you.
I have been trying to think of something to say that may help in some way ? You know I have said before give time,time. But I just sat back and thought,now what would my daughters think if they were to read such a forum as this today..
They would have respect and admiration for each and every poster on here..
Do they understand all of me, no way :} But you all do :} I have heard it be said many times and this I too understand, Today I have choices and I choose not to drink,follow a 12 step program and try my best to better know myself and others.
I have a choice in that if something troubles me today I can do something about it, rather than avoid things. This is in all relationships. Its not easy some things are not but if i want someone to have a better understanding of something or me, I try my best to share with them. Like you I bet I go over things in my mind time and time again..replay and action within my little head of mine lol. Nothing has ever turned out as I might have expected. I have always been very surprised :} I find it far better to explain things to others and then leave it for them to try hard to understand...and make of things as they wish, because I do not want to have war's with them ! .
You will find your own way and time over this and you understand that it will always come up if not addressed. For me when things are not addressed they seem in my mind to be far bigger than they are. Perhaps they are even more worried then you are,because they have a '' fear ''of upsetting you or your husband if they were to approach the subject. Your family are understanding because you have shared with them :} How wonderful is that :} When you are ready this will be resolved I am sure.
Pappy - I agree with you, but there's nothing I can do but accept it, see what good has come from it, and move on. It feels good right now, to hear those words, as they reassure my feelings of betrayal, but in the long run, I suppose forgiveness is key.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Yep, ... Keep repeating the 'Serenity Prayer' .... I had to do that hundreds and hundreds of times early in my sobriety ... Like you, I figured my drinking got me into the situation I found myself in and after some 'kicking and screaming', I stayed long enough for the program to actually work ... I never want to go back to the 'Hell' I was a part of, for nothin' ...
Perhaps your husband was 'insensitive' to your situation and is feeling he doesn't really 'know' you and was looking for a way to 'get back at' or 'hurt' you, because he thinks you deserve it ... some people are that way ... But you should always keep in mind you can only change yourself, not others ... 1st priority, stay sober today ... It will have to be a 'selfish' program for you until you have worked the steps and are on solid footing ... all other life issues are secondary ... for us, to drink is to die ...
May God grant you Strength to endure,(speak with Him often) Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Theres a mountain before you One you feel you can never climb The distance is frightening, but I know you can make it to the other side If only you try
Ive seen the strength that you carry inside Ive seen the will, the passion the fight in your eyes Ive witnessed your ambition I know you can do it one more time
You can do anything You can be anyone You can be happy, too But first you must believe in the power of you
Youre powerful, valuable, beautiful and brave And I know that you know you can make it through tomorrow if you can get through today; I will be there for you every step of the way
