First of all, thank you SO much for reading this! If you want to skip this part and go straight to my question, I'm okay with that Please just note that I am at day 10 of my daily meetings. Thanks!
Otherwise, hi, I'm Laney and just as an FYI, I originally posted my background as to why I'm here as a response to someone under the Topic: "Is simply managing the problem a viable option?".
That being said, the short version is that I have decided to admit that I am an alcoholic. I started going to meetings about 10 days ago and admittedly have chosen morning meetings, as I am still drinking, and, of course, want to have my 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine (or more) later in the day or evening.
MY URGENT QUESTIONS:
I know I don't have to share, but I always do, and at the last meeting, I told everyone that I think I need to set a deadline to quit. I know no one is supposed to tell you what to do, but CAN ANYONE DIRECT ME TO WHERE I CAN FIND THE BEST ADVICE REGARDING PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO HAVEN'T YET QUIT DRINKING BUT ATTEND MEETINGS?
I don't want to set a deadline yet, I'm scared to get a sponsor, and, every afternoon I can physically FEEL that I want/need a drink.
DO I NEED TO SET A DEADLINE? I know I can't just continue drinking and going to meetings forever.
I DO have the Big Book (and dang, it IS BIG) and I don't know where to read about my situation as described above. I know I need to read the whole thing but I'm still on Bill's story!
I told everyone that I think I need to set a deadline to quit.
When I came back to A.A. I simply could not in my wildest thoughts imagine life without alcohol. Someone told me I didn't have to think that way. That it was easier to think about just not drinking today.
So my suggestion (besides keep going to meetings) is to decide on a day that you'll try to get through the day without drinking. If it doesn't work, try again when you're ready.
Going to meetings helps. I would often go to a meeting in the morning, followed by one in the afternoon and another in the evening to get past the tough days.
I told everyone that I think I need to set a deadline to quit.
When I came back to A.A. I simply could not in my wildest thoughts imagine life without alcohol. Someone told me I didn't have to think that way. That it was easier to think about just not drinking today.
So my suggestion (besides keep going to meetings) is to decide on a day that you'll try to get through the day without drinking. If it doesn't work, try again when you're ready.
Going to meetings helps. I would often go to a meeting in the morning, followed by one in the afternoon and another in the evening to get past the tough days.
Ribs is in the right of it, they told me I didn't have to set a date, just try to get through today without drinking
that's all, just today
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I told everyone that I think I need to set a deadline to quit.
When I came back to A.A. I simply could not in my wildest thoughts imagine life without alcohol. Someone told me I didn't have to think that way. That it was easier to think about just not drinking today.
So my suggestion (besides keep going to meetings) is to decide on a day that you'll try to get through the day without drinking. If it doesn't work, try again when you're ready.
Going to meetings helps. I would often go to a meeting in the morning, followed by one in the afternoon and another in the evening to get past the tough days.
Ribs is in the right of it, they told me I didn't have to set a date, just try to get through today without drinking
that's all, just today
I agree whole-heartedly with both of these responses. If you're attending meetings daily think of that as a reason to not drink today. Eventually you will find more reasons to not drink today.
I never thought I had to stop drinking as long as I went to AA, because I saw it as a place to brag about what you "used to do" that I figured ah what the hell. When I started attending the right meetings I learned that that is far from the case.
My advice is to find an afternoon meeting and an evening meeting or pick just one and find another activity you have to sober to do (excercise is one of the best things to do).
Just for today, just for this hour, just for this minute.
Like the others, I couldn't imagine going without alcohol for along period, but I might manage a day.This day. I can always have a drink tomorrow or the next day, but today I will do everything I can not to drink. Like someone else said I could treat my self to an extra afternoon meeting,maybe even one in the evening. Other things that are helpful are basics like HALT - don't get hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Drink plenty of water and or fruit juice, have some candy around. You don't have to get a sponsor quite yet, but you can make friends. Get one or two phone numbers and ring them. If there is an AA club, spend time down there having coffee and talking to folks. And when you find you've made it through one day without a drink, say a little prayer of thanks to the God of your understanding, then perhaps, if you ask Him in the morning, He will help you again through the next day.
You guys Rock. All of you had a few things that really made sense to me. Just pick a day and start. And for me, I see that I when I AM ready, I will be at an afternoon and evening meeting that day. Thank you so much. This is what I needed to hear/know. Thank you Thank you! I will keep you posted!!
One of the best things about AA, for me, was the concept of "terminal uniqueness." we all think OUR situation is different, but it isn't. You're asking for specific advice applicable to your situation because you believe you're different -- you're not. When you're in meetings, remind yourself that everyone around you has been in the same siuation you are now. We all had a difficult time quitting, or we wouldn't be in AA! Many people were still drinking when they started attending meetings, until they began to "get it." In meetings, look for your similarities with other people there, rather than the differences. Good luck! If all of us did it, you can too.
I stopped drinking before I got to AA and AA has kept me stopped. I didn't know that I was alcoholic and didn't know what alcohol or alcoholic had to do with anything. I was married to an alcoholic/addict who admired my drinking and wanted to emulate it. It almost killed me and would have killed her also had she continued the way I was. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know and I stopped. One thing I did learn early on of the first section of the first step...Admitted we were powerless...was and still is that Alcohol rules; it owns the drinker and makes the choices and selects the options. I'm glad I stopped when I did for what ever reason that was. I've been in toxic shock 3 times, near death overdose from alcohol and I arrived (by unknown Higher Power) at being totally chemical free and then years later AA. That's not luck. That's a miracle by another's hand, will and love.
The second part of the 1st step is "...and that our lives had become unmanagable". Trying to live soberly while still drinking is bad management. Alcoholism is a fatal disease or for me a near fatal disease. It can and will do that and doesn't care who the person is or their name. It is what it is and does what it does. I've got no power over it. Practice stopping and going to meetings cause what you're doing now is "drinking and going to meetings" and you're still drinking. Our disease is progressive...getting progressively worse.
I knew that AA was going to be my "time to get serious" about stopping drinking. I knew that people didn't go to AA to learn how to drink responsibly or manage it. I knew this from my uncle that got sober through AA. I never even entertained the idea that going to AA and still drinking was compatible.
Despite this, I have been in AA a while now and have heard SOOOOO many other's admit that they came into AA to learn to control their drinking and then it wound up taking hold of them and getting them totally sober. While that's not how it worked for me, I've heard that story so many times that I cannot say it's not a very real experience for many many alcoholics in AA. This is a process and you are at where you are ready to be at. If you keep coming back - meetings and AA are going to kill your ability to enjoy drinking anyhow.
If you continue to state that you are toying around with a "quit date," you will probably get some emphatic responses from AA members and this is not because we (or they) disapprove of you. We just happen to know that alcohol is the enemy - we are powerless over alcohol - doing more "research" on trying to control it and keep it at bay is pointless, and it's playing with your life. Many of us have been to the brink of death with alcohol - so hearing someone at a meeting pondering if they need to quit is like hearing "I'm going to continue juggling chainsaws and swallowing razor blades until I figure out if I can do it safely." Make sense? This is why AA is an abstinence only program. Once you know you are an alcoholic - There is no other solution but get sober or keep drinking and die. All other methods have already failed us. Tapering down did not work. Setting quit dates did not work. Just doing it, staying away from the first drink, following suggestions, getting a sponsor, and doing the steps worked. If you want this to work for you, you will do the same and not allow yourself to think otherwise.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Great thread and sorry to come late to it. As ever, there's little for me to add, other than to say welcome laney AND that all of us keep away from that first drink in ones: one day, one hour and one minute at a time. If you keep coming back, you will find that what seems impossible will become reality.
You're not late, Steve, you're right on time! And I want to thank ALL of you for taking the time to write.
You're right on the mark when you say that every person in that room is just like me, yet I feel like they are BETTER than me - even just as HUMAN BEINGS. They have kids, homes, full time jobs, etc. I have no kids and, due to financial issues, moved back in with my folks. I have an awesome boyfrend and am not living in my car (as 2 friends of mine with no family here in Santa Monica are). I AM unemployed at the moment and it has been terrible, but it is what it is and I am interviewing everywhere...
The thing is, even if everyone in that room has heard it all before - "I'm still drinking and scared to stop" - Newcomers like me don't KNOW that is almost, well, you seem to say that it is insulting to them (i.e. Chainsaw, razor blades in my mouth) and that makes me feel like an outsider. I should think they would be understanding and not annoyed...? Either way, I am so glad to hear how I may possibly be perceived (Like a "Retardashian "Hi, I'm Kim and I broke a nail today..."
Either way, I have decided that I am going to wake up and be sober tomorrow. One day, one hour, one minute at a time if I must. And I will certainly be attending at LEAST TWO meeting tomorrow - My first usual morning one and then an EVENING ONE FOR SURE I will need the help!!
Thank you ALL so much. You answer questions in here that I can't ask at the meetings and your suggestions and observations with how I should share (as well as how it makes others feel) are very, VERY much appreciated!!! ALL of your information is wonderful as I can come back and re-read it every day. My heart goes out to all of you!!
You're not late, Steve, you're right on time! And I want to thank ALL of you for taking the time to write.
You're right on the mark when you say that every person in that room is just like me, yet I feel like they are BETTER than me - even just as HUMAN BEINGS. They have kids, homes, full time jobs, etc. I have no kids and, due to financial issues, moved back in with my folks. I have an awesome boyfrend and am not living in my car (as 2 friends of mine with no family here in Santa Monica are). I AM unemployed at the moment and it has been terrible, but it is what it is and I am interviewing everywhere...
The thing is, even if everyone in that room has heard it all before - "I'm still drinking and scared to stop" - Newcomers like me don't KNOW that is almost, well, you seem to say that it is insulting to them (i.e. Chainsaw, razor blades in my mouth) and that makes me feel like an outsider. I should think they would be understanding and not annoyed...? Either way, I am so glad to hear how I may possibly be perceived (Like a "Retardashian "Hi, I'm Kim and I broke a nail today..."
Not better than you, Laney. We ARE you. We are all just one drink away from hell. About the only difference is that we are (in general) probably happier than you are right now, but stick around and you'll get that too.
Nobody will judge you either. We have all been there and understand the pain and confusion you have. You are somebody to be helped, not pitied or looked down on or measured, and even though you don't know it you will be helping us, and helping us a lot.
I'm looking forward to hearing how your meetings went. :)
Not annoyed or insulted Laney - There's different schools of thought in AA and not everyone is as well as you would hope. Some might follow the old school line of "go out and drink until you are really ready to commit to the program." I am glad that most of the time people don't take this approach any more. I more or less wanted to warn you and give you insight in case you did get that.
Tradition 3 states the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You are right where you belong and I would hate for someone to tell you that you are not because they might think your desire is not there.
I think you got better feedback before I came along and that is to approach this a day at a time. I was sort of scared to stop drinking when I started AA - but the scales were SOOOOOO far tipped towards being more scared about what would happen if I kept drinking. If your sobriety is going to last, you have to want this and want it really bad. The surrender has to be full and you cannot cling to notions that you can control your drinking or go back to it. That sounds daunting, but it's really not. You are giving up 1 thing to have everything versus giving up everything to have 1 thing (booze).
Keep us updated and please keep coming back!
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
For me it was a moment at a time,just trying to fill my moments without picking up that '' First drink '' I was told that it was the first drink that will do the damage, not the second or third the first. If I did not pick up the first drink I would not get drunk. How simple is that ! to comprehend !
And how very difficult it was to do,but i did it in the end. I just had such a fear of drinking again that I never wanted to pick up that first drink :{
I went to meetings and shared that I was an alcoholic and that I needed friends, I could not do this by myself. No one can ! we all need each other. And everything AA has to give us.
Keep going to meetings and keep way from that first drink a day at a time. :} If you want to stop drinking its worth it.
Please just note that I am at day 10 of my daily meetings. Thanks!