I just wanted to introduce myself and say thank you all for sharing here. I am usually on the Al Anon side and I guess I could be on the ACOA side, too, but I like coming over here and reading all the positive shares here. I learn something from both sides of addiction and I am so thankful that you all are here.
My AH got a DUI back in February and has his sentencing next week, it's not going to be a slap on the wrist because his BAC was over .22 and we live in AZ. He stopped drinking but has typical dry drunk behaviors and entitlement mentality. I would so love it if he would try some kind of recovery program but I know that his recovery is in his hands. He still has a few small mini alcohol bottles and a flask that I guess he's keeping for that fateful day when he can drink again, even though he swore off alcohol forever after the guilt and shame of the DUI.
Anyway, I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and he is shutting me out more and more every day. Maybe it's his way to prepare for jail time, maybe he thinks I'm going to leave him because of all the crud he's put us through, or maybe it's just his way of shutting down emotionally because he can't handle facing his demons? I do believe that I am learning so much through the AA and Al Anon programs and I hope that I continue to grow by reaching out and reading here!
I am married to another AA member. Its second time around for us both and this time things are working out well. I have posted a share on here, maybe you might like to look under the banner,post your shares here on the sticky.
I remember my first year back when my husband was still drinking. He was attending meetings and sharing how very difficult he was finding it all. Your post has reminded me of the time he got stopped for drink driving,he was sitting in the back of the police car saying,and telling me that honest he had not had a drink ! He had just failed a breath test :{ He was always telling me,honest he had not had a drink. I could not and would not have drink in the house,for my own safety. He would hide outside in the little woods and walks when he took the little dog for her walks. He walked our little one far,far too often ! Poor little dog. But my darling husband would still insist he had not had a drink...White was black,and black was white. ! I was as helpless as he was.
I was told to try Al-Anon and let go and let God. But in that one sentence all I heard was the let go of him. I went to a meeting the week he was in the hospital. He had tried to take his own life one night, while I was at a meeting. He could take no more...Within the meeting I feel others received something from my sharing that night. Because I shared that he was in the hospital and was helping others there passing the AA message of his own experience,strength and hope.
Yes its a God given '' Miracle'' . As is the wonder of the workings of the 12 step program.
May you find strength and comfort in each and every day. I thank you for your posting and giving me the chance to share with you.
Howdy ILD - There is much to learn in all the 12 step rooms. It's a good way of life in general. The best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is lead by example. Both alanon and AA are supposed to work through attraction rather than promotion.
In your husband's case, (knowing you and more about the situation from lots of correspondence on the other board) I almost wonder if saying "You better NOT go to AA. I would be so upset if you went to AA!!"...I wonder if that would probably get him to go faster. What if the judge put a "stay away from AA" order on him? That would probably be the first place he would go.
I am being humorous here - but the reality is many of us were defiant and had authority issues like that. It's classic alcoholism to think that we don't fit in within the world, the rules were not made to apply to us, that we are too unique and special to benefit from the same remedy that others do.... The only thing that breaks that is a bottom that is so painful that change basically is the better option. Before then - the problem is others and the rest of the world.
On a side note - the flask is not necessarily because he's waiting to drink again. Alcoholics do all kinds of crazy stuff. Could be it may even help him stay away from the drink (seeing it and feeling in control of not filling it up - having in out there and not hiding it on his person...) You can tell him what it makes you think and stuff but it will be "your" insecurity and youd be better off explaining it that way and seeing if he either explains it differently or gets rid of it. I do see you are really bothered by his alcohol related paraphernalia and stuff. Might as well talk to him about it without nagging or blaming him. Be open to hearing that he is keeping it for reasons different than you think. Could just be cuz he cheap and it was an expensive flask... Some people are like that.
Support to you always, Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
