I went for a job interview today. I tried really hard not to be nervous. My nervousness actually came out as overbearingness. I'm embarrassed for who I am.
When I got home, a letter said we didn't pay our rent-- and we did-- and I have a trail of documents that say we did. So I spent the better half of tonight driving between apartment office and bank trying to figure out who messed up and how to rectify it.
So, I'm embarrassed at myself and I'm pissed off that someone said I didnt do something that I have a trail of documents to prove otherwise but they won't admit that you can not bounce a MONEY ORDER, which was the only way they'd accept this months rent.
So I'm ready to rip someones face off and shove it in a pile of salt, but what did I do? Locked myself in the bathroom with a book and a candle and a warm bath.
This helped me calm down, and I'm glad that I held it together long enough for me to take care of what I had to, realized when I had to stop (everything closes at 5), and used the time productively. And oddly enough, my revalation for the day------ I HATE PEOPLE WHO REMIND ME OF MYSELF.
Thanks. I'm sure That could have been more coherent.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
Sometimes days just do not go my way ! People,places and situations are out of my control. I need to except all this and today I am able to.
I used to drink over the little things like this. Look what they have done to me..Why is it no one understands. If they did this to you you would not like it either..Oh I will just drown my sorrows in yet another drink,and off out for another bottle. ,,,
It got to the point where I was unable to make a simple phone call,open a bill. pay my bills and debts. Yes I hate it when people remind me of ME and thank you, you just have ! The me I used to be like. :}
Thank God for changes..And well done you for taking a short break,step back,unwind and deal with it in a far better frame of mind later :}
Have faith always that all will work out well,one way or another. I get nothing given today that I am unable to cope with. I will cope and continue to use my AA program to give me strength.
Thanks Polly & rayted.
I'm still annoyed, with self, and perseverating over a comment or two that was ridiculous. But otherwise I have come to this: I can cancell said money order and take the money to resubmitt (which would falsely admitt defeat, but may be the fastest solution) or I can wait til tomorrow, when I can get to the bank before 5 and get my bank to call their bank to tell their accountant that he is [%**!>¥^>~}{%!] incompetant, and that the money is still sitting there waiting to me taken out.
Also, trying to figure out what hp is telling me, last week our electric company said we didn't pay our bill [also proved wrong, we paid it. They lost it]. Maybe I'm reading too much into this.
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sober: showing no excessive or extreme qualities of fancy, emotion, or prejudice
No, dear, you are not "wrong" you are experiencing a hard, difficult patch in your personal life's garden. stay calm, pray and trust your HP... keep on hoeing and it will break open to produce a beautiful bouquet that will help strengthen your heart and mind for then next hard patch. don't forget to smell the roses of your accomplished steps, they line the path to your current one. hope this wasn't too corny. jj/sheila
