I've been married for 6 yrs today. I remember the look in his eyes, completely in love and happy. I knew I was fooling him already back then. But he was fooling me too. If only we could have been so honest from the start. If only he wouldn't have hid smoking from me for 5 yrs, and I wouldn't have hid drinking from him for the last couple. Why couldn't we have just said "hey, I have a problem, I can't do this alone". We could have asked each other for support, but we didn't. We didn't want to dissapoint each other. Instead we just threw trust right into the fire, and pretended to be happy as we roasted our marshmellows. That didn't work.
Lots of things have changed recently. Brutal honesty is important as we rebuild our trust in one another. We're lucky to have our friendship to fall back on, as we start over in a new way... truthfully, with no secrets for the first time. It feels so freeing, and we are both working really hard to be better people individually, and together.
We have this program, all of you... and you know who you are... to thank, and I am unbelievably grateful for this day 6 yrs ago, and this day today.
The other interesting thing? I also know I would go on to be just fine without him if that was the path I was meant to take - I don't believe it is - but I no longer believe I need him to survive. That's another story, for another time.
My life is no longer hopeless, my marriage is no longer cold, my days are no longer meaningless, my soul has not been sold.
If AA can turn my story around this drastically, it certainly can for you too... whoever you are.
Are these extravagent promises?
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Tasha, very nice post. A couple of things you said really hit home with me.
"and we are both working really hard to be better people individually, and together." That's key. I found out that if one works on improving themselves and the other doesn't, when dealing with this diesase, the end result isn't pleasant. The one's who seem to be successful are the one's who grow together.
" I also know I would go on to be just fine without him if that was the path I was meant to take". Great point. My sponsor worked with me hard on this one. He told me I needed to get to a point where I could live with or without her. At that point, I would be independent and be able to have a healthy relationship without any strings attached.
Are these extravagent promises? I think not! They are being fullfilled amongst us. Sometime quickly, sometimes slowly, but they will always materialize if we WORK for them.
