Yeah, increasing the amount is definitely a problem. But you know that. Having admitted this to yourself is HUGE and requires more courage than many people have. So congratulations and welcome again.
Most people who have an acknowledged drinking problem, and try to stop through sheer willpower, can make it a few days or weeks, but eventually they nearly always pick up again. Tapering off or trying to reduce the amount your drink to a "normal" level is also almost never successful. If you've found out that your relationship with alcohol is a problem, it's time to cut it out of your life. You really have to do two things. First, stop drinking (duh) and second, find a way to avoid re-starting.
If you're drinking a bottle of wine a day or more, you may have some withdrawal symptoms within a day or two. They can be pretty scary, ranging from anxiety and inability to concentrate, all the way to hallucinations and seizures for really heavy drinkers. You may not have it that bad, but STILL, you need to involve your doctor. He can help you with medications to relieve the withdrawal symptoms. For some, a brief hospital stay MAY BE in order. I advise you to march to your his office TOMORROW and come totally clean about what's going on. Do not tone down the amount. This will obviously involve coming clean with your husband. Anticipate that he won't be happy, but you will probably find before too long that he admires you for taking this step. He may have to step up and take care of the kids/ house on his own for a while, but whoopee, he can take some vacation. So can you.
After your doctor and you agree on a drying-out plan, THEN, and ONLY then, you can think about not re-starting. AA can help with this, as can many outpatient programs. Insurance still covers a lot of this, and if it doesn't, it's worth the money. Boards like this help, but face-to-face is best. You will probably find out you have a lot in common with some of the people in these support groups. I was amazed at how smart and well-dressed everybody is. It's an equal-opportunity disease. The main thread in ALL of them is giving you a way to totally re-think your daily life so that alcohol is not a part of it, and all the "reasons" you had to drink are totally manageable some other way. At some point, you just stop wanting it. Seems crazy, but it's true! I've been sober 3 years and am much happier now.
But first, "the talk" with hubby. "the talk" with doctor. Can you promise us you will do this tomorrow? Check back in and tell us how it goes? I will stay up a bit longer here and also check in the morning.
Good luck and bless you again for taking this step.
-- Edited by zzworldontheweb on Wednesday 2nd of May 2012 09:18:35 PM
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I lived through college not having one drop of alcohol. I went to coffee shops and talked philosophy and literature. I just never had the desire to drink. Then my best friend from high school moved back into town after I graduated, and introduced me to all the local bars. My mom often told me to be careful, because both my dad and grandma were alcoholics. (my dad 25 years sober!!) I would binge drink on karaoke nights, and chalk it up to "my lost college years". Yet karaoke nights were about 3 years ago. Since then, my friend moved away and I got married. So I stopped going out to bars, and replaced it with buying bottles of wine when I went grocery shopping. My husband noticed I was drinking too much and asked me to stop. So I did. For about 3 days. Then I started buying the little bottles of wine to hide from him, and I would drink it from a coffee mug as I cooked dinner. I can go about 2 days without buying wine... And it's a struggle. I'm looking for a community to express how I really feel, but don't have the courage to go to an actual meeting.
I feel like someone died--- the old college me. The girl who had dreams. On the few days I don't drink and wake up feeling good, I feel her around again... Yet something drives me to the store for more wine. And suddenly... She's gone. How can I get her back??
Welcome to our board sister. You don't really say how much you're drinking, so it's hard to know whether your difficulty extending abstinence beyond a couple of days is due to withdrawal symptoms or not. Although it does sound like you drink most every day.
Most of us experienced all the same stuff. Hiding alcohol, thinking about our next drink all day. Planning how to get more, etc. The hiding is pretty serious. That's not really normal behavior, and it sounds like you recognize that. I also did not start drinking heavily until I was in my 30s. That is not unusual.
Are you comfortable telling us how much you're drinking? When you stop, do you feel anxious, out of sorts, etc? Any nausea or tremors of any kind when you stop?
That old college you is there, ready for the taking, you just have to make a couple of difficult choices.
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, and unto God that which is God's.
I usually drink 1-2 bottles of wine every other day. It used to be 1-2 a week. But lately I find it's becoming more and more. And the only reason it's every other day is because the morning after I wake up with incredible guilt and am very displeased with myself. It's only recently that I have been coming to the conclusion that I am unable to control myself and that it's becoming a growing problem.
Yep, that's about where I was at. Welcome to the board. Suck it up and go to a meeting, it's so much easier to have a supportive and friendly community with people to talk to about what you're going through. Everyone is afraid to go to their first meeting, but it's worth it.
Yes...I agree with suck it up and go to a meeting. That is what you would tell anyone else with this problem to do. You would tell your husband even to go to a meeting or go to AA. What makes you not deserve help? What makes it so shameful and different for you? Nothing. You have a problem - Get help. It's simple. We are here for you.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
When you go to a meeting and see for yourself that you are not alone, you will feel like 1000 pounds have been lifted from your shoulders. Hw do I know this? Because I was a daily wine drinker also, and I know how you are feeling.
We are here to help, it is yours for the taking :)
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The Golden Rule: Treat yourself the way you treat others.
