I love your honesty Tasha, I really do. So don't lose that quality dear, okay. The rest we can work out over time, can't we? My suggestion Tasha is twofold: formulate a plan and stick to it, and never question how you got here either -that's called 'relapse prevention' dear. What I'd rather see you do today is remain sober, and we do so by asking important questions instead, like, what should my next step be? That's how we take the first step, ultimately, and believe you me, it's the only step we need to get 100%.
Sober living should always be our primary concern, but it comes at a price. The price of freedom comes from knowing not questioning, and the same goes for our drinking. So here's my suggestion Tasha: Disengage entirely from any train of thought that would question our alcoholism, again -that's a 'must have' for me. And if I were you, I'd forgo the branding as well and focus more on what to do next. I would also bring to light any incident where alcohol caused me distress, somehow. And then ask yourself, how would this unfold differently now that alcohol 'isn't' a factor anymore? Then you'll know how important the first step really is. That's when we let go absolutely dear. And I mean, 'let go'. If only we could scan the images of time, somehow, and conclude what 'not' to do -that would certainly be ideal, wouldn't it? But it's not always that easy, now is it? Clarity is the necessary glue that binds up our wounds and in "AA" terms that means 'letting go'. And believe you me; its needed to make the first step complete. So I hope you continue to do so, for today.
~God bless~
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 2nd of May 2012 02:35:17 AM
I didn't think about it too much today. It was kind of nice to not think about it for a bit. I knew I would think about it again, but I've been thinking of it for most of my day, every day, for a month now! A break was nice. It seemed okay to be just Natasha for the day, and not Natasha the alcholic.
I'm in a gap the last couple of days actually. Not exactly sure what phase I'm entering here. I'm seemingly over the open-wounded, emotional crisis phase. I'm no where near ready to be offering any advise to people. So what do I do now???
I suppose all I can do is this. Just talk about it. So, it feels kind of like I should pass, and let the help be directed to someone else in greater need, but then again, there may be someone else feeling a little lost like me, in this in between stage, wondering if it's okay to drink... that they're all cured. I passed, and became very quiet... not knowing what to do with this transition. Then I drank. So I can't be quiet, I do know that. I don't have any troubles to whine about. I don't think I should be trying to help anyone. What do I do?
I suppose now is the time I need to tell myself it's never okay to drink when you're an alcoholic.
Don't bother coming up with a plan like I did. Don't say it's okay on your birthday, or on Friday nights, or Valentines day... or when your cat is dying.
Tried that. Doesn't work.
It's around this time when I would start the planning and plotting... er wait, back up. I AM planning and plotting! Those wee little voices, thinking about running off to hide so I can drink... darn those little buggers. Every time I flick them off my shoulder, they grow back.
Oh okay. So this is why He wants me to just write every day with complete and utter honesty. Shucks, I suppose I have some praying to do. Some work left to be done after all : )
Glad you're here.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Get Outside and walk, at dawn, at sunset, by the lake, through the woods. Feel the awesomeness of the NOW! Breathe deep and feel a part of it. Be grateful for the air and sounds and sights of animals busy and weather occurring around you. For the last week, I've been building a deck/dock that goes out over a pretty good size little lake, on the back of a restaurant that is opening soon. There are this pair of black water birds with orange beaks that live in 8' tall cat tails on the shore of the lake. Apparently they like (live in) the area that we're building over and the female? is constantly complaining to me to get out of her space. I've been talking to her, to reassure her that we'll be done soon and not to worry.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Tuesday 1st of May 2012 06:14:41 AM
I wouldn't go rushing off on any 12-step calls yet :), but an alcoholic with 30 days can show an alcoholic with 15 days how she managed to do it for twice as long.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
I wouldn't go rushing off on any 12-step calls yet :), but an alcoholic with 30 days can show an alcoholic with 15 days how she managed to do it for twice as long.
LOL! It's true.
Justadrunk, I like reading your posts because you open the discussion up with your feelings and thoughts. We all want to have wisdom so we can help others. I come on board with 27 years of sobriety which sometimes feels like 27 one-year-periods. People think that old-timers have all the answers. We have SOME of the answers.
But, would you go to a meeting where I was the only other member? Maybe for a couple of weeks. After that, you'd want the variety of ideas and experiences afforded you by the "group". IMHO, we get our growth from the group. This means, every day you and I are there is a benefit to others...and thus, ourselves. The same is true in this forum. You contribute much more than I do and so, noob or not, you're spreading love and truth, as you know it, daily. That's really all the HP wants from us; oh, and NOT to drink, too! Keep up the good work...on you. It helps us...me.
-- Edited by rayted32 on Tuesday 1st of May 2012 09:21:29 AM
Thank you for helping me today Tasha! Stay at it girl. More will be revealed. The Promises will materialize. Others have mentioned it here, living in the NOW is where peace and serenity reigns. It's a gift of The Program and God.
I have already seen you writing things to newcomers on other threads that made perfect sense and were stated as well or better than I could say them myself. You have plenty to say and you have learned 50 gazillion times more about alcoholism than the average alcoholic person that has never gone to a meeting or is not surrendering to the program or the disease. You have done both these things so you actually are in a place to share powerful experience, strength, and hope, even if you don't realize it.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
