Yeah, that's right. I was going to come on and pose as my girlfriend who was honoring a request left in my suicide letter for her to log in to my account here and tell you goodbye and that I wished you all well and hoped that my horrible end somehow compelled you to stay sober.
What would ever posses someone to think of doing such a moronic thing? Even as a passing thought? I'm not suicidal. I'm not even sad. I'm not even drinking for the time being. I think something is wrong with my brain.
Anyhoo...sure glad I didn't do something so impulsively dumb and decided to just say hi instead.
Hi :)
...
-- Edited by TipsyMcstagger on Friday 27th of April 2012 05:25:00 AM
Once when I was drunk, I called a good number of my friends and pretended I was someone else... and told them I had die. Most of them knew right off it was me calling, those that didn't.. said stuff like, "well, at least he isn't going to suffer any more", another said, "It is sad but he was dead before he laid down"....
So, my alcoholic plea was heard, and I heard what these few said.. I believed it pushed me all the harder back into the rooms of AA.
I don't communicate with many of them as this was a bit over 2 decades ago,.. but any time we do talk... they smile and say something stupid, ..."Dead Man Walking!!" LOL
I'm glad I can hear those words today and it isn't true. I'm alive and sober, thanks to the God of my misunderstanding, and a bunch of people in AA who prayed for me at every meeting around the world.."A moment of silence for the sick and suffering"....
You say you are not sad - I think you probably don't recognize feelings too well in early sobriety. The "cry for help" thing does make sense. Perhaps something is just not right? Perhaps that suggestion to go to lots of meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps :) There are quite a few of us that have found out the hard way that "not drinking" gets us part of the way better but not all the way. Restless, irritable, and discontent is what happens when I don't work a program....drunk is what happens if I don't work it over an extended period of time.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Hi, Tipsy. By the way...you do help me to stay sober.
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I think there's an invisible principle of living...if we believe we're guided through every step of our lives, we are. Its a lovely sight, watching it work.
I don't know if it was a cry for help. In all honesty I think it was just an impulse to do something completely self-centered for attention (I've been known to do that in the past) but this time I didn't do it. I guess I'm growing up!
Seriously though, all kidding aside, I think about you miserable, wild-eyed, white knuckle drunks often. That's why I come back every once in a while. To make sure you're alright :)
Hi Tipsy McS, I love your username here, it reveals you have quite the sense of humor about yourself. In my experience, being able to laugh at yourself is a huge step towards sobriety - so you have already done some of the work. Keep it up and keep coming back. Thank you for helping me stay sober today.
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The Golden Rule: Treat yourself the way you treat others.
Hi Tipsy, Nice to meet you my name is polly and I am an Alcoholic. I tried to tops to you not long after you posted. I sat here typing away with two fingers for ever, then my laptop went down ? I have no idea why,maybe it way something I was trying to say and it was not meant to be lol :} I vanished ! Ahh. Spooky.
Anyway I use to get into ME..and my head,thoughts and feelings. Ahhh, the no one is listening or even hearing me. everyone is too busy and have no time for me. I am helping others but no one is helping me ! Everyone is out playing but they are not playing with me.... and so it goes on. yep I know the feeling.
I have had a crap week myself. Someone an old timer pulled me up after a meeting and said I was out of order sharing as I did. WOW... But I have been on here and have been doing all sorts of AA things all week long. 3 meetings a week,reading posting,contact with new members. Oh and intergroup last week-end. Yep Just the things to keep me busy.
My daughter just said to me on Facebook get back to posting my positive stuff. I do not use F/B for AA unless in an inbox. But I always post positive. All I said was I had a crap week lol. haha, :} So again I got told of. So that's once by an old timer who '' was way out of order '' and again by my daughter giving me a push !
I always remember years back my first time in and my old sponsor who had 30yrs sober saying to me once I stopped thinking of myself and start to think of other I would be moving on. I guess she was right,as I knew nothing, but when I did I sure as hell noticed a big change in me :} I am doing ok now and I am pleased too to read that you are too. Keep posting on here it would be nice to get to know you. :} You have only done 62 posting so I think I am getting way ahead of you there lol :} Love it. :}
Yo Tipsy! Good to hear from you. I am glad you did not come on as your wife and tell us you were dead. That was very noble of you. You should really give the actual program a try including the whole "Higher Power" thing. When you "get" that, your sense of humor changes a bit because you do not want to "make amends" to those you may have hurt. You do that by not intentionally hurting them. You are a funny interesting guy, but it seems you want to come along every few months and shove a stick into a bee's nest and then run away to a safe distance and watch the activity. Don't get me wrong, I do not care how you come back--as long as you come back--because I would like you to be sober if that is your goal. I am eagerly waiting for your next distant post! Peace Tom
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
The A.A. program is one of faith, hope, and charity. It's a program of hope because when new members come into A.A., the first thing they get is hope. They hear older members tell how they had been through the same kind of hell that they have and how they found the way out through A.A. And this gives them hope that if others can do it, they can do it. Is hope still strong in me?
Meditation for the Day
The rule of God's kingdom is perfect order, perfect harmony, perfect supply, perfect love, perfect honesty, perfect obedience. There is no discord in God's kingdom, only some things still unconquered in God's children. The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual man or woman. People lack power because they lack harmony with God and with each other. They think that God fails because power is not manifested in their lives. God does not fail. People fail because they are out of harmony with Him.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may be in harmony with God and with other people. I pray that this harmony will result in strength and success.
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"You're in the right place. That's the door right there. Turn around."
I used to daydream about going for a drive one day and taking the car down the Great Ocean Road and just rolling it off a cliff. Then I'd walk away and start a new life. In my strange thoughts of the time it would be a fresh start for me and I figured the wife and kids would have been better off thinking I was dead.
It was all just fantasy crap in my head because I knew that within a week I'd probably be arrested for drunk and disorderly or I'd get caught stealing something to get money to drink or I'd do something equally stupid and the jig would be up. Then I'd have to face everyone. If I didn't see the hurt in their eyes then it meant they I didn't hurt them, right?
Those thoughts used to make a lot of sense to me a lifetime ago. They make none at all now.
I think about you miserable, wild-eyed, white knuckle drunks often. That's why I come back every once in a while. To make sure you're alright :)
Of course you're wrong about us and I don't believe that it is why you come back.
The reason is in the first 164 pages of our Big Book...about the those who do and those who don't get and stay sober. You're not as far away as when I first read your early posts to MIP. Someone was telling a new comer returnee this morning at our majestic home group just next to the Pacific Ocean (20 feet); "What is required is absolute surrender"...just passing that on. One of the things that passes on within the surrender is the fear of.
As you or as your wife...we will continue. Glad you checked in.
Yeah, that's right. I was going to come on and pose as my girlfriend who was honoring a request left in my suicide letter for her to log in to my account here and tell you goodbye and that I wished you all well and hoped that my horrible end somehow compelled you to stay sober. What would ever posses someone to think of doing such a moronic thing? Even as a passing thought? I'm not suicidal. I'm not even sad. I'm not even drinking for the time being. I think something is wrong with my brain. Anyhoo...sure glad I didn't do something so impulsively dumb and decided to just say hi instead. Hi :) ...
-- Edited by TipsyMcstagger on Friday 27th of April 2012 05:25:00 AM
Yeah, Tipsy, I agree with Aspgrl. You have a fun side of you that is...well...fun; and, creative...I might add.
I would like to humbly suggest that you hang around Mother Earth for just a tad longer so that you can experience the gift you have been given. I speak from experience. AA opened up all of the other doors for me to find joy in my life and acceptance of myself.
Now, I know in early days of sobriety, it don't FEEL like a gift but, it IS. How else could a room full of drunks, by simply getting together to hear each other's stories, be so amazingly healed?! To me, it's a miracle and signifies that someone outside of myself made this happen. That, in itself, is enough for me to want to "keep comin' back".
Most of us feel unique and defective believing that God REALLY DID MAKE SOME JUNK! It ain't so and, over time, on this forum, and with the help of others, I am willing to prove it to you. So, I hope you'll keep coming back.
I did a project just recently on a condition called Munchausens by internet. This is where someone accesses online forums and support groups pretending to have the relevant condition others are seeking help for & posting for sympathy & attention regarding having said condition.
People with Munchausens by internet will go as far as to create other aliases as friends & family of themselves who will post to say that person has worsened, is going through a terrible time, or indeed, has even died. That person then sits back & enjoys the ensuing fuss.
It is a spiritually sick condition all of its own. If you identify & want help for this, James, maybe there actually is an appropriate forum & program for that. I believe the solution could be much the same.
If I was behaving this way I would ask myself "Do I want to genuinely access the joy of a true Higher Power or do I want to settle for a lesser substitute?"
For me, true love & connection is a far more fullfilling answer than fear, lies & deception.
I'm not saying this is you, simply outlining information.
Blessings & respect, Danielle x
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Progress not perfection.. & Practice makes Progress!
And I'm only being facetious when I refer to "you people" as "miserable, wild eyed, drunks"...in fact I admire you all very much and feel we share a bond that others who do not suffer from our affliction could never understand. I'm just very immature with an insatiable appetite for attention and shit-disturbing. I'm annoying and frustrating but deep down I mean no harm and there's no malice in my heart. Oh and I should also mention that I'm hung like a gas pump :)
