but you wouldn't let me drift into the abyss. Although I was drowning in the unfathomable depths of my own coal black soul, you never let go of my hand. I could always see your reflection dancing above me as I looked up through the water and tried to wave goodbye. Your hands wouldn't wave and you pulled me toward the surface.
Thank you.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Friday 1st of March 2013 08:11:33 PM
I have been there. Thanks to my sponsor and AA members who cared enough to tell me the things I did not want to hear. But they also provided a solution through their own personal experience.
My sponsor asked me not to attend my 1st year dinner. When I told him I had to, he offered me a solution that worked. He told me go, but order 2 main courses and start eating immediately. There I was eating my heart my out while my friends got drunk. Then I saw a picture of Gonee's past behaviour while drunk. Three months sober then.
I told him my wife is driving me to drink. He told me let's work the steps and prove to her that you can change. 3 years later my wife attended her 1st Alanon meeting together with the kids. 23 years later that Alateen is getting married and she still uses the program in her life. 30 years married to the same wife and we can hardly stay apart even for 2 hours. She's gone shopping now in her 22 year old car which she refuses to give up, mostly because we cannot afford a new one.
Happy families do not fall from the sky. They are built through hard work, patience, tolerance and lot's of prayer.
REMEMBER Natasha we have been on the road you are travelling. We no where the pitfalls are. ODAAT.
Tasha, your post reminds me of early sobriety. I was broken, lonely and felt lower than whale sh*t. Through desperation, I attend AA meetings. I walked in and stared at the floor. The people around me were full of love. They welcomed me in, told me they had been where I was, and to keep coming back, and it would get better. Essentially, they loved me until I could love myself. God works through people and does things for people who can't do it on there own. We just have to move our feet alittle. He will provide. Willingness is key.
Those feelings come hard and fast once we're no longer stuffing them down with poison. It's times like this that I remind myself, "my worst day sober is always better than my best day drunk."
Thinking of you, Tasha, and thanking you for helping me stick to my program this 24 hours.
__________________
The Golden Rule: Treat yourself the way you treat others.
Your hands wouldn't wave and you pulled me toward the surface. Thank you. :}
That's a great way to express your thanks and gratitude, being saved from drowning in the ocean of our illness, Higher power working and the help of fellow AA's.
In the front of my big book I wrote for all the people I offer my hand out to help the one person I help the most is myself. Your message has hit home a huge great gratitude of my yesterdays struggles and fears.
I too thank my higher power for my gift of sobriety today. :} And for my understanding that every moment changes as I too must change and remain strong in the fact that today without a drink I am a better person to love.
