About a week ago, I had a day from hell. One of the guys I do a group thing with relapsed and beat a guy to death. So he's up on murder charges. There but for the grace of God go I. One of my sponcees told me his father was on life support, dying of cancer. Its too bad; he's actually a good man. I painted myself into a corner at work over something trivial. I got a few memos about that. Two of my sponcees let me go. Went to have my taxes done, found out I have a 38 dollar refund that will cost me 98 dollars to get. I came here, took my anger out on people who didn't deserve it, probably made a few enemies. I'll try to repair that and I say repair because saying I'm sorry doesn't mean I am. If I got drunk and drove a car over your picket fence, saying I was sorry wouldn't be nearly as effective as showing up with some wood, nails, and a hammer and fixing the damn fence.
So what did I learn from all that? I'm still human and although I may be a recovered alcoholic, I am certainly not cured. Oh and I learned something else too. I don't need a drink to solve my problems and I don't need to take a drink to create any.
I'll just end with a funny story that led me to realize some things. I have a ballcap with the AA symbol on it, bought it at a convention. So I'm taking a cab the other day and the driver wants to know where I got the hat. I tell him its the symbol of a fellowship I belong to. He says I didn't know you were Lebanese. I said I wasn't. He said the symbol on my hat is the one for Lebanese Catholics. So I googled it later and although it resembles the symbol, theirs is actually a three pointed shield inside a circle instead of a triangle in a circle, so I guess we were both right, we were just looking at it from a different perspective.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
So what did I learn from all that? I'm still human and although I may be a recovered alcoholic, I am certainly not cured. Oh and I learned something else too. I don't need a drink to solve my problems and I don't need to take a drink to create any.
I'll just end with a funny story that led me to realize some things. I have a ballcap with the AA symbol on it, bought it at a convention. So I'm taking a cab the other day and the driver wants to know where I got the hat. I tell him its the symbol of a fellowship I belong to. He says I didn't know you were Lebanese. I said I wasn't. He said the symbol on my hat is the one for Lebanese Catholics. So I googled it later and although it resembles the symbol, theirs is actually a three pointed shield inside a circle instead of a triangle in a circle, so I guess we were both right, we were just looking at it from a different perspective.
lol -- like the Lebanese Catholic story.
A hell of a week to be sure. I've been going through hell too (though not quite along the lines you have, to be sure, what with the relapse tragedy), more just holding on by my fingernails at work, with nothing promsing in sight.
I'm not cured either, but your quote her says it all:
"I don't need a drink to solve my problems and I don't need to take a drink to create any."
Thanks for the post. As I work with others, I realise how much I really need the program. One of my sponsees got drunk last week and caused a problem with his family. Peace orders, police etc. Then he lies to me about going to a night club. But I still have to sponsor him or else he will die and take his family down with him. I have very little burdens of my own, but working with others has given me lots of headaches.
Wolfie, I hope that others on this board will recognize the good work (and a lot of it) that you do in the rehab environment. People in your profession temporarily trade bits of their sanity to help others gain some. Most often it's a thankless job, But I Thank You and have a lot of respect for your efforts. I don't think that I could do it for one than a month, if at all. So if you come in here a bit frazilled on any particular day, We'll understand, because we'll all family in here. Also thanks for all the interesting topics, ES&H, and trivia that you bring to us.
Thanks for sharing Bernie. Sounds like a rough week. You've helped me today. I'm inspired by your perspective. It provides me with hope that The Program does work. Your awareness, acceptance and willingness to take action is educational and beneficial to me.
You wrote: So what did I learn from all that? I'm still human and although I may be a recovered alcoholic, I am certainly not cured. Oh and I learned something else too. I don't need a drink to solve my problems and I don't need to take a drink to create any.
I have to keep this in mind constantly. Somehow my negative thinking can really beat me up for not being perfect. My diesase will use anything it can to back me into a corner and keep me there.
Hmm, How about a job swap for 6months ? Saying that I have no idea where you live lol :}
That reminds me I wear an AA chain and someone asked me why have I got that and he looked quit in a fright ! I too said I was in AA and what it represented. He said he was in the Freemasons and it was theirs too. Hmm, you live and learn :}
They are all funny people with funny hand shakes. Why do they shake their hands like that ? :}
Also thanks for all the interesting topics, ES&H, and trivia that you bring to us.