At the end of the day, it is US that has to knock ouselves out of our "comfort zone" to work on our recovery. When our enablers "detach with love" to try and nudge us out of our denial, it has to be done with no expectations, but rather them doing what they need to do for themselves, as to expect one's actions could change or modify someone else's, is a disease in and of itself. No one can make an alcoholic see the light cause them to want to stop drinking, but removing themselves from their life usually has some affect. Imo, these family unit situations, that try and stay together, while the alcoholic makes a run at sobriety (or pretends to) are the more difficult cases (along with adult children living with their parents) because it is a family disease, and the alcoholic is living IN the problem, while balking at The Solution usually. It's much easier when the alcoholic is left to themselves with no one to lean on and no one to blame but themselves. This is why you'll see me suggest that folks who are in these "family units" must work harder (and focus more) on their program to beat the steep odds. Tasha, don't get "Too well too quickly" and perhaps allow complacency to tell you "maybe we don't have a problem after all". <edit in bold>
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 23rd of April 2012 05:15:39 PM
And then he gives me a big hug. He must have felt a huge release to just say it finally, after not knowing what he could ever do to get me to stop drinking for over a year now. He was trying the "tough love" approach, and it was hurting him too, not just me. I'm sure someone recommended he do it, and it probably does work for many. In fact, it did for me. But that doesn't mean it wasn't painful. For both of us. I know deep down, if he hadn't, I would still be drinking.
It's not like I hadn't been threatened before... by other people in the past... I just always wanted to drink more than I wanted those other people. Nothing and no one would stand in my way.
But not this time. And I can't even say for sure I would have bared my soul to AA just for him. It was my children. And though at times I thought I must not love them like I should, and that something is wrong with me for doing this to them... that I have the soul of the devil or something... it was for the love of them, that I would begin to go to any lengths. So I am not the devil after all. I am just a mother, with an illness, who loves her children as much as the neighbor loves hers. And we all have a chance now thanks to AA.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
I agree with Dean :) I had a lot of profound realizations early on and thoughts of like "oh...now I see it all!" Later I would be disappointed when my mood soured some. I would think "I guess I didn't understand the whole picture." What was actually happening was that I was getting little bits of sanity and serenity back and then I would go back to changing painful stuff about me again. Hence, it did seem like a roller coaster.
Enjoy the good but keep at this Tasha (through all the ups and downs).
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
"At the end of the day, it's you that has to knock you out of your "comfort zone" to work on your recovery."
Dean, whenever I write about how I feel here on this message board, I am always knocking myself out of my comfort zone! I am afraid of what old timers like you in particular will think of how naive and silly I must sound. I realize I am what's keeping you sober on some days, just because you see in me what you DON'T want to be like anymore. I write what I'm feeling still, because I am doing what other people do to stay sober, even when I don't want to, and everything in my brain is telling me NOT to because I'm sure I sound like a fool. So I just keep doing it, day after day, and when I have to read what you write and wince and squirm through the whole thing... not wanting it to be right... not wanting to listen... I listen anyway. That is not comfort zone stuff for me. You beat me up all the time on here, and you know it, and I keep coming back for more, because I believe in this power which is greater than myself. You've watched me go through this before, and sound exactly like this once before, and you call me out on it daily. I hate it. But I keep coming back for more, because it opens my eyes to the fact that, yes I have thought a lot of these things before, and then still drank. So I get to examine every day that you knock me out silly, if I'm being true to myself, or if I'm just prancing around with my tail feathers fluffed.
So Dean, I must thank you again, for being the bastard in my life, who wont let me get away with a thing. And by the way... I do believe things will be okay with my family. And I do believe I will stay sober. And I think that's okay for today. I will still work for it this 24 hrs.
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
wow! I guess I had some of that coming from some previous posts. Tasha I'm very happy for you , your devoted partner, and your "family unit". Believe me, I'm not jealous or cynical, just because mine didn't work out that way. I, honestly, was too immature, and too far gone, to "get it" until it was just me and my disease to contend with. I think that you're doing great and it's inspiring to read your daily revelations. It's also scary, because I've seen so many, very promising "Mr. or Mrs. Sobriety" do so well for 1 or 2 years and then they're gone and you hear that they are out drinking. It hurts just like losing a family member. Please try to read my posts twice to see where I'm speaking from experience or in general, and not pointing my comments in your direction. You might also look at brief encouraging posts, that I made, in your threads, or none at all in others. I editted my initial post.
-- Edited by StPeteDean on Monday 23rd of April 2012 05:17:12 PM
Keep up the good work, Tasha, keep going to meetings and keep writing. at 6 months sober i "had gotten it" and felt like i could handle social drinking. 'i got it quickly' and wanted to fly on my own, not go to meetings and hang out with my old social circle... well.... my experiment with alcohol failed miserably. i was once again beating myself up over wanting to be a normal drinker. my further research in drinking alcohol showed me i was truly not able to be a social drinker. it confirmed that i need a daily program, a daily reprieve, a daily commitment, frequent contact with my higher power, accepting the role of being a small part of the big picture in AA. i am now living a life i could never have while being active in my addiction. we all need reminders that doing the steps is what matters, not the feelings i have. we all have gifts and strengths that we are supposed to use, with humility. if i was drinking my gifts and strengths would be of no use. in sobriety i get to use them in service. i am the happiest i have ever been. if i receive praise i can acknowledge my gratefullness for being sober and being of service instead of living in shame. i love you, Tasha, you are a miracle, keep coming back and keep Dean reading and smiling. jj/sheila
I realize I am what's keeping you sober on some days, just because you see in me what you DON'T want to be like anymore.
Actually Tasha, it is the enormous joy and pleasure we get from seeing you and others get well that keeps us sober. As you will come to see, this adds a wonderful purpose to our lives.
I realize I am what's keeping you sober on some days, just because you see in me what you DON'T want to be like anymore.
Actually Tasha, it is the enormous joy and pleasure we get from seeing you and others get well that keeps us sober. As you will come to see, this adds a wonderful purpose to our lives.
Oh Dean, I should apologize, all I really meant was I need you to remind me not to get too cocky or thinking I know it all! I need that, I really do, just as much as everything else! You have been so great! I am truly sorry if this came across more harsh than anything else. I am so grateful for you, this message board, everyone here! I appreciate you so much, I meant this whole thing as a compliment actually, sorry it was a poor attempt.
So thank you Dean - for real - thank you!
I'm hiding from reading the statistics for a while - because I don't want to know... until I qualify as one of the "lucky few" that is : ) I love ya Dean - nothing but Love!
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
If you honestly want a life beyond your wildest dreams keep working for it, never ever give up on the work. I need you. All AA's need each other. And I sure need to read this Forum right now, it brightens my days to see and hear others achieving sobriety. Doing something about their problems, and working at it..
We all spent far to long with a drink in our hands. :{
Yep new found friends are wonderful and I thank you all.
Tap into your higher power he will give you a sober day if you honestly want this.
I'm hiding from reading the statistics for a while - because I don't want to know... until I qualify as one of the "lucky few" that is : ) I love ya Dean - nothing but Love!
I'm not picking on you Tasha, but there is something you should know about statistics. They are not paricularly scientific to start with but essentially there are two groups involved.
The poor recovery statistic seem to be drawn from the group that includes everyone that ever turned up in AA for any kind of reason like court referral, looking for a partner, free group therapy, mental health and of couse alcoholics who want to get sober. This statistic does not seem to take account of how long they stay or whether they take the steps or not, so a failure is one who goes to one meeting, doesn't like it and doesn't come back.
The second group is real alcoholics who come to AA to get sober and really try. By really try I mean get a sponsor and take the steps. It is my observation that the recovery rate is much higher in this group, much closer to that quoted in the foreword to the second edition, 50% plus.
It's your choice which group you want to be in, but if you choose to really try, your chances are very good indeed. '
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
Tasha, I will say that some of your posts remind me of how hard it is to go through early sobriety. But, I want to add to the list of people that, mostly, reading your posts and seeing your journey is inspiring because it does appear like you are really making great strides. All off us went through what you are going through so it's more like "Shes doing it! Good for her!" and that makes me want to keep working my program too.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
