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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> "I knew I would live, and that was far more terrifying"
Post Info TOPIC: "I knew I would live, and that was far more terrifying"
SteveP


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"I knew I would live, and that was far more terrifying"
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I'm trying to read the stories at the end of the BB more, as whenever I read them, I identify more and more. I'd read many of them when I first come in, round about three years ago, but they often didn't register at the time.

Anyway, I was re-reading "Empty on the Inside" the other day (starting on page 512), and this one phrase on paage 518 just blew me away:

"Some people get sober because they're afraid to die. I knew I would live, and that was far more terrifying. I had surrendered."

I completely identified with that. I had a great deal of fear of going on living the way that I was, seeing things just get worse and worse.

Thanks to the AA program, life's not like that anymore.

Steve



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justadrunk


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Nice : )

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pinkchip


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Yes, and I have heard people say that in meetings too. I think it would have been a while before I actually died (unless it was a drunken car crash again - that would have finished me off quick). I probably could have persisted in that awful dark and sick state for several more years. It makes me shudder to think about it.

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SteveP


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pinkchip wrote:

Yes, and I have heard people say that in meetings too. I think it would have been a while before I actually died (unless it was a drunken car crash again - that would have finished me off quick). I probably could have persisted in that awful dark and sick state for several more years. It makes me shudder to think about it.

Exactly. Like you, my body was pretty resilient and I knew it.

For that matter, some of the people I drank with wouldn't shuffle off this mortal coil until their sixties. I remember telling someone that X had died, pretty horribly, aged 62 and they said "wow, I thought he was early 80s".

Shudder is right. 

Steve



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Jerry F


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Thanks Steve...very good reminder for me cause I arrived while looking for a place and time to end it all.  I found it and ended it all in the program.  Strange that things work out better than I can see them when my HP decides on the solution.   I'm always amazed and have no reservations about asking my HP to "figure this one out for me and tell me what to do."    Mahalo smile



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Halfwolf


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I wasnt afraid to live, I was afraid because I didnt know what kind of person I would be sober. I drank for 39 years. After 7 years of sobriety I can say I feel comfortable in my own skin. I am what I am

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Polly


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I wanted to stop drinking but I could not ! When I came back to AA I knew I wanted to live. I felt safe. and I wanted to learn..

I have learnt what to do and am learning more all the time. 8yrs soon and if I keep this up a day at a time I will hit the 10yrs , Thats what I am heading for :} :}

And I know how to get there today :}


Polly. X

Thanks for your post today.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> "I knew I would live, and that was far more terrifying"