Theres a group I go to on a regular basis. Its not my home group, but I go there a lot. Its a fairly large meeting sometimes and they break up into two meetings. A general discussion in the main room and a beginners meeting in another room. I like the beginners meeting. It always reminds me of where I came from. The group conscience of this meeting decided that the chairperson for the beginners meeting be a member of their group and that they have a minimum six months sobriety. Well,I think they mean six months without a drink. In my group, we know theres a difference between being without a drink and being sober. But, thats another story.

Anyway, Im sitting in this meeting a few years ago. Theres a bunch of new people. Then, theres me and my sponsor. We each have a few years sobriety, but neither one of us is a member of this particular group and we dont see any of their group members here. My sponsor gives me a nudge and I say what the heck. I chair the meeting. Next day, same thing happens. There are lots of new people, but no group members. I guess they all figured someone else was doing it. Well, if everyone thinks everyone else is making the coffee, the coffee wont get made. So, I chair the meeting again. After a few weeks of this, I approach one of the group members and ask why none of them are chairing the meeting. One of them shrugged and said, We dont mind if you do it. So, I continued to do it.

The new people got a few weeks in. Some of them asked me to sponsor them. I said sure, no problem. One of the requirements for me sponsoring you is that you have to attend my home group. Its a step and tradition study. I am very big on the steps and traditions. A few months go by. The group, not my home group, the other one, is having a group anniversary. I get a call from the GSR. He wants me to drop by and see him. Naturally, my ego kicks in and I figure they must want me to be a guest speaker. After all, arent I doing a lot for their group? Arent I chairing the beginners meeting for them so they can do the more important things, like put together group barbecues and bowling leagues? Arent I taking new guys under my wing and teaching them how to make coffee the way coffee should be made? Well, of course they want me to be a guest speaker.

So, I go and have a talk with this guy. On the way down, Im thinking I should make a few suggestions during our talk, maybe a few format changes, stuff like that. I arrive at the meeting hall. We go in the back room. He tells me that their group has just had a group conscience meeting to decide what to do about me. Some of the group members are complaining that I have taken over their beginners meeting, that I wont let anyone else chair and that the only reason I come there is to recruit members for my own group.

Well, obviously thats not what I was doing. I know that and you know that but they didnt know that. After I stopped laughing, I reassured the group member that I was not there to recruit members. Then, a thought occurred to me. I asked the group member what they had decided to do, assuming for the sake of argument that I was guilty. Did they plan to put a restraining order on me? Levy a fine? Were they going to kick me out of AA?

I make jokes about it, but it is not a joking matter. This sort of thing actually happens. People do things in meetings that other people dont like. People come to meetings drunk. They disrupt meetings. They hit on women, or on men. They cross-talk or they talk off topic or they dont believe in God. Or they try to be bossy or talk too much or any number of things. And group members start thinking We have to do something! The common welfare is at stake! Quick! Off with their heads! And, of course, this is not the answer. I have found, in my own experience with such things, that we must not drive by mandate, but lead by example.

Tradition One clearly states, No member of AA can compel another to do anything. And, no one can be expelled or punished. We cannot force sobriety upon another, instead we must show others how sobriety can be attained. We can never be judge, jury, and executioner.

When I was still drinking, and you invited me into your home, I would drink all your liquor, break your furniture, sleep with your wife if you were too drunk to notice and then tell you about it the next time we drank together. I couldnt figure out why nobody liked me. When I came to AA, I did not get sober right away. I drank all the coffee, I broke some of the chairs, and I did a lot of that other stuff I mentioned. People sometimes asked me to go, but they never told me to stay away. They always told me to come back tomorrow. One day I came and I stayed. I stopped drinking and I stopped doing the things I did when I was drinking. If you had told me to go away and never come back you might just as well have given me a bottle and a bullet, because without AA I would be drunk and eventually dead.

As it turned out, it was all just a misunderstanding. One of their members was harboring a resentment against me because he was confused about who God really was I think he thought that I thought I was. Of course, he has made his amends to me and the situation has long since been resolved. Some days I find myself longing for the pedestal he placed me on but aside from that its all good. I still attend that group on a regular basis and many times I attend the beginners meeting but whenever they ask me to chair, I politely suggest that perhaps the chairperson could be selected from among their group members. They did in fact have a few more group conscience meetings on the dilemma and after much debate they eventually decided that the chairperson for the beginners meeting be a member of their group and that they have a minimum six months sobriety. Yeah, I shook my head when I heard that, too.

-- Edited by Wolfie55 on Sunday 15th of April 2012 07:23:07 PM