Funny, but I was just thinking about this sort of thing as I opened the forum.

I have many ugly character flaws. I lie. I cheat. I steal. I leech. Among other things.

They are the first things that pop into my head when I am confronted with a problem.

But.

I can't live with them any more. I am not comfortable with those thoughts. Whereas I used to simply run with them I push them away now and choose the other path. Not willingly, but knowing that the spark that was awakened in me can't co-exist with them I must.

It's not natural to me to take the harder but right path. It's hard. Sometimes it feels like I am being pulled in both directions as the old me and new me fight for my soul. But the new me always seems to win.

I guess the best way to explain it is how I've heard it is by using the slippers analogy that AA ruins drinking because it so much worse to have a belly full of drink and a head full of AA. I feel like that with my flaws. AA has ruined being a selfish, amoral person for me. I can't be a prick now I've found my soul.

It's messy in my head sometimes but every day is a step in the right direction. I can feel the progress and I can feel the old style moving further and further away from me.

Maybe that is what it is to finally become human.

I really like this post. When I was drinking, I tried to play God all the time, tried to control, direct and manipulate the world to my liking. What I am learning in AA is the humility to accept there is a God and it ain't me. I let Him do His job and I try to do mine to the best of my ability. Being human is plenty, and pretty wonderful too. :)