Today is my last day of having an in home daycare, and teaching piano lessons. It's hard letting go of the children that I've grown to love, but I realize it's for the best. Being home all day, and stuck here not able to leave if I wanted to, I thought was okay for me, but I realize now, as I'm becomming excited for freedom, that it was a choice mostly made to isolate. Sorry for the run on.
We have a nanny now for the afternoon, and I got a job as a personal assistant. Most of it is just running around doing errands, nothing stressful. I plan to teach music again, but only from a studio. I'm looking forward to being part of the world again. I've accepted that letting go of the kids a bit is okay. That's been huge for me this past week and a half, but i'm happy with everything finally, and believe it's going to turn out for the best.
The isolating thing really never sunk in for me until recently, as I'm getting used to being out and about in the world just because I'm going to so many meetings. I'm making other stay at home Mom friends my age in AA, and I may actually get together for play dates with them! And I'm excited about it! I'm not dreading it at all like I would have before.
Glimpses into the power of this disease are so helpful, and I am so grateful for the patience you have all shown me. The constant rehashing, and time you've taken for me. If it were not for this message board, I doubt I would be anywhere close to where I am today. So THANK YOU!
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Great share, Tasha, so glad you are doing the next best thing for you (your sobriety). AA friends are life savers. just don't get too busy to go to meeetings, that is dangerous territory, when i didn't want to go to a meeting, i eventually relapsed... so i learned that lesson... take care and keep up the good work, one day at a time. jj/sheila
So you're venturing out more and more Tasha? Sounds like you're on to something dear. Reaching out and taking on new responsibilities is one way of breaking the isolationist mold, isn't it? And so is service. So continue to do both. I hope you continue on with this new tradition Tasha, and blaze a new path for yourself, somehow, while remaining a vital part of recovery and beyond -because God knows you need too. You're deserving of it Tasha, so enjoy your new found freedoms...okay.
Nice to hear from you Tasha. Each time you open your heart and mind to another Alcoholic, both benefit. Alone I can't do this, but together WE can. Nice to see you making choices to put yourself first. It's important in sobriety to have the priorities aligned correctly. Higher Power(God), Us and then everyone else. It sounds selfish, but it's really not. As you learn and grow in The Program everyone you come into contact with will benefit. You will learn how to have healthy relationships. Therefore, not selfish.
My priorities prior to AA was everyone else, Mike and no God. Looking back it was painful. I had no relationship with myself or a high power. I didn't know who Mike was. I changed depending on who I was with, always trying to fit in. God and The Program rebuilds and re-prioritizes the 3 basic relationships. One with God, Self and others. I took care of the first two and the rest continue to fall into place.
Mike B. said "My priorities prior to AA was everyone else, Mike and no God. Looking back it was painful. I had no relationship with myself or a high power. I didn't know who Mike was. I changed depending on who I was with, always trying to fit in." I am always amazed when I hear another woman speak and I feel like the words have come from me, but it really blows me away when I hear a man share and I can totally relate to what he says. I just shared basically the same thing Mike B. wrote at a meeting a few days ago. I identified myself by the kind of wife I was, mother, employee, etc., and I changed based on what others expectations of me were. Through the grace of my God and AA, today I am finding out who I am, and better yet liking me. Sounds like you are heading in the same direction Tasha. Good for you. Peace.
__________________
I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Glad to hear that. I think the stay at home mom thing requires a high level of self esteem and sanity, because of the isolation. Good to be out in the world, in the moment. Excited for you. Guessing this move also frees up more time to get to meetings.
Yes, I was great at it for a couple of years, but the last couple I've been burning out. Better now though again, I was telling Zach yesterday how I feel like I did when Max was 1 and 2, and his eyes lit up. He told me he could see I was getting burnt out too for a long time already too. Definitely different now that I get a couple hrs break every day! Makes all the difference in the world, and I should have been doing that all along!
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
