How did your disease progress? I went from drinking on rare occassions/holidays, to weekends, to nightly to first thing in the morning and throughout the day. I became in financial debt, lost friends and many relationships. Need help with a timeline thanks
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Not quite sure what you are asking, Steve. the disease progresses differently for each alcoholic, but the result is what we have in common. i didn't start drinking until my late 20s. but my first beer informed me i liked that feeling of euphoria. that part could be unique to alcoholics, i don't really know. it was as if i found the last piece of the puzzle on the floor and putting the piece in place, it was as if i found something i had always been looking for. and then the alcohol abuse started, right away. i only abused alcohol on weekends for quite awhile, but my desire for that feeling came first, i started drinking after work every day. the unmanagablility in my life started when drinking/partying became the focus of my life. my life got more and more unmanagable as the disease progressed. i did reckless things while under the influence and laughed about it. my relationship with my husband and kids got worse, but i still drank. i drank for 30 years. my timeline would have been even longer if i had not gotten DUIs and had to go to AA. my mindset was bent on my destruction, i relapsed after going to rehab... i decided i was doing so good i could be a social drinker. of course i got another DUI. it was hell on my husband, he was so angry that i chose to do such stupid things. AA has helped me recover my life, find my spirituality, and mend my family relationships. my life has never been so good. being only 3 years sober, i do wish i had been ready for AA years earlier, but that is not how it happened for me. so my time line looks like 28 years dry, 30 years of progressive alcoholism, 3 years and counting of sobriety.
It's taken a little while to think about what you're asking "Unmanageable". My first thought was how was I dysfunctional which is not mutually exclusive. A few things come to mind. Dishonesty. In Acoa, there is a characteristic "I lied when it would have been easier to tell the truth". This really hurt when I heard in a discussion meeting on it. My lying was a dysfunctional coping mechanism that caused my life to be unmanageable. Perfectionism and the resulting procrastination, was another dysfunctional behavior that caused my life to be unmanageable. Obsession about drinking/drugging (and sex, spending money, hobbies....) took up so much of my time, it kept me from taking care of myself and my responsibilities, as an adult, parent, employee, family member, citizen, neighbor... and again made my life unmanageable. So, I think, when you talk about a life becoming unmanageable, realize that's a adjective or the end result. We have to look at the causes (dysfunction).
Alcohol slowly took over all areas of my life. I misunderstood this part of step 1 when I first came into the program. I thought that you were supposed to admit powerlessness to and then also state that you were forever unable to manage your life and let God manage all of it.
I now know that this is an important distinction and that it is not wrong to say I can now manage important parts of my life. I do ultimately recognize when I am powerless and those things that generally belong to God. BUT- I know I can manage my career, personal life, and family life better because I conceeded I am powerless against alcohol and continue to admit that.
Prior to this admission - I frantically tried to manage things and failed. My work was slipping. I took dangerous risks. My relationships all failed. This was due to the simple fact that having alcohol in the equation of my life made EVERYTHING unmanageable. Alcohol made ME unmanageable and therefore everything in my life was unmanageable.
This is not to say I don't screw up and fail to manage some things appropriately. Also this is not to say that I don't struggle sometimes in trying to manage things that really do belong to my HP. It's a process and I have learned it's a delicate balance between acceptance and change and also between managing things and turning them over.
Hope that makes sense,
Mark
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Well for me the chains of this addiction were to light to be felt till they were to heavy to break (alone). For me the booze stop working. And all i had was the booze. I started at some point to use it as a crutch i think when the panic attacts and depression stepped in. Anyway i found help online and f2f meetings, I learned what was wrong with me and i needed help to do this. Stoped digging and made some changes. Wagon
I think you answered your own question Steve. The timeline for you started the day after your first drink. And it only progressed from there. Like Dean said, follow the trail of dysfunction and find out where that leads. Then you'll know how unmanageable your life was, in case you forgot. When we scan through that image of time in its entirety, it will make two things abundantly clear for us: That we drank alcoholically and our lives 'were' unmanageable as a result. And of course, we'll do anything today not to repeat those past mistakes once again, won't we? I hope this helps.
hi again Steve, and thank you Dean, you helped me see the question. how was my life unmanageable? Let me count the ways! Honesty was a huge problem. reliving hurts (living in the past) kept me from going forward, accepting that i had a part in the wrongs that hurt my feelings was a big step for me. and praying for the people that hurt me or that i didn't like helped make my life more manageable. doing service work helped my mind see me in a true way, i was not going to save the whole world, but i can help one person at a time. Big ideas still pop into my head, but they get right-sized pretty quickly, instead of me being sheila the super hero i know i am sheila the recovering alcoholic who needs God to not drink today. this program has put many things in perspective for me and helped me clear the wreckage of my life, and most of the time avoid making more wreckage when my ego or mouth needs to be managed by my HP. thank you Steve. jj/sheila
-- Edited by jj on Sunday 1st of April 2012 09:51:18 AM
-- Edited by jj on Sunday 1st of April 2012 09:53:12 AM
-- Edited by jj on Sunday 1st of April 2012 09:54:13 AM
Whenever I go to a funeral there is always a discussion about the life of the deceased. It's amazing what a wide definition a life has. It is not limited to the individual, it is part of the lives of all he new. Everything he did, everything he touched, everything he caused through his actions, everything he inspired, every quality he demonstrated, every fault he exhibited, every emotion he aroused, everything he created, everyone he loved, even his enemies are part of his life. His life had effects he never dreamed of, and consequences good and bad that he never even knew about. So what are the chances that someone like me could manage all of that? Not very good, in fact I don't even try anymore. It is beyond me to manage all those things. Instead I try to ask God to tell me what part he wants me to play, what actions I ought to take, then I do my best to carry them out. The results are not within my ability to manage either, so I leave that to God as well. Some years ago I realised the unmanageable nature of my life BY ME, and I appointed a new manager, God. As long as He is running the show I know I will be ok, He never asks of me more than I can do, and He forgives me when I fall short. And my reward is peace and serenity - may you find it too.
God Bless, MikeH.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 2nd of April 2012 09:33:29 PM
In the last 5 years of my drinking I was always either; thinking about having a drink, having a drink, or recovering from being drunk. I never saw this until I got sober, I thought my life was perfectly manageable. It took an intervention and threat of divorce and loss of my children to get me to the halls. I really saw how badly my life sucked when I wasn't hiding behind a bottle.
