Very insightful Tasha, thank you. I remember my first real test in sobriety. It came so suddenly and without warning, taking me by complete surprise. I wasn't prepared for the difficulties that ensued -being in the program for less than 2 years, and I needed some sound advice, which came surprisingly from an outside source. My new friends in A.A. kept the momentum going for me and without their ongoing support today, moments like these could have caused another relapse, but did not. Their words of wisdom at the time were simple and went something like this: "this too shall pass". That is how I got through my ordeal and by trusting in my higher power and the constant voice of A.A., I, too, can get through any ordeal today and do so without drinking. And so can you. Keep the momentum going dear and never give up hope. We won't, either should you.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 30th of March 2012 10:34:34 PM
Before I met A.A., I was very unloving. From the time I went away to school, I paid very little attention to my mother and father. I was on my own and didn't even bother to keep in touch with them. After I got married, I was very unappreciative of my spouse. Many a time I would go out all by myself to have a good time. I paid too little attention to our children and didn't try to understand them or show them affection. My few friends were only drinking companions, not real friends. Have I gotten over loving nobody but myself?
Meditation for the Day
Be calm, be true, be quiet. Do not get emotionally upset by anything that happens around you. Feel a deep, inner security in the goodness and purpose in the universe. Be true to your highest ideals. Do not let yourself slip back into the old ways of reacting. Stick to your spiritual guns. Be calm always. Do not talk back or defend yourself too much against accusation, whether false or true. Accept abuse as well as you accept praise. Only God can judge the real you.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may not be upset by the judgment of others. I pray that I may let God be the judge of the real me.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Before I met A.A., I was very unloving. From the time I went away to school, I paid very little attention to my mother and father. I was on my own and didn't even bother to keep in touch with them. After I got married, I was very unappreciative of my spouse. Many a time I would go out all by myself to have a good time. I paid too little attention to our children and didn't try to understand them or show them affection. My few friends were only drinking companions, not real friends. Have I gotten over loving nobody but myself?
Geez, that's my old life right there. Shallow and empty. Thank God I found a better way to live.
I loved this reading, and it so very much went deep into the part of my soul that was hurting yesterday, and still today... and maybe lots of days to come. The words here on this board, at meetings, and in this reading are carrying me through this time when all I want is to run away and never look back. Thank you for being here. I'm grateful for this sober day.
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Tasha, I can relate to your saying you want to run away and never look back. In the beginning I never understood the part in the 9th step promises that says "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". I thought, I'm screwed, because I do regret the past. Then one very wise gentleman who was picking up his 30 year coin explained that while there are things in his past he does regret, he does not regret his past as a whole, as it is what brought him to the present. Now that was a real lightbulb moment for me, one I could wrap my mind around. Keep on going, it gets better as you do the work required of us. Thanks for your honesty and sharing it. Peace
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Tasha, once we work the steps and a little time goes by, we realize how sick we were. As we change and develop our sober identity, we go through a (mostly) complete transformation. After awhile, we don't even feel like the same person who drank and acted badly. Looking back at my past, it seems like a bad movie that happened to someone else. I've been forgiven, and more importantly i've forgiven myself.
Tasha, once we work the steps and a little time goes by, we realize how sick we were. As we change and develop our sober identity, we go through a (mostly) complete transformation. After awhile, we don't even feel like the same person who drank and acted badly. Looking back at my past, it seems like a bad movie that happened to someone else. I've been forgiven, and more importantly i've forgiven myself.
I don't even know who that person was any more, I mean I talk about him when I pitch, but it's like a movie with someone else in it
poor little fella, even my first years in sobriety, poor delusional suffering little fella when "the deliberate manufacture of misery" was my reality and I didn't even know it, walking around with a giant knife in my back that I put there myself, suffering greatly....such. a. waste.
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Light a man a fire and he's warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
Today my son broke his arm. BAD, it was a 90 degree angle where it shouldn't have been. I do beat myself up over the anguish I've caused my family, and especially Zach. I looked at his face, he looked ready to break. I apologized again for all I've put him through, and told him he did not deserve it. Then I realized... I didn't either! And I decided it was time to actively start to GET OVER IT AND GET BETTER! I'm trying so hard... and it feels great to really try at something hard!
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Sorry to hear about your son's accident. Good thing kids heal quickly. I remember when my son broke his arm jumping off a swing at it's highest point. He cried a little, than got a huge grin after the cast was installed. A badge of honor of sorts. We had fun coloring it and his friends signed it etc... brought back a lot of memories of all the casts that wore and how I used to beat on the other kids with them playing football.
Tasha, once we work the steps and a little time goes by, we realize how sick we were. As we change and develop our sober identity, we go through a (mostly) complete transformation. After awhile, we don't even feel like the same person who drank and acted badly. Looking back at my past, it seems like a bad movie that happened to someone else. I've been forgiven, and more importantly i've forgiven myself.
I don't even know who that person was any more, I mean I talk about him when I pitch, but it's like a movie with someone else in it
poor little fella, even my first years in sobriety, poor delusional suffering little fella when "the deliberate manufacture of misery" was my reality and I didn't even know it, walking around with a giant knife in my back that I put there myself, suffering greatly....such. a. waste.
Wow. You guys too, huh? That feeling has been getting stronger and stronger in me too. I catch myself referring to who I was at that time as "he", and feel like I lost 15 years of my life and had it replaced with the memories of a crazy person.
Geez that's good to hear. It's been vaguely worrying me that it was a subconcious trick I was playing on myself to lessen my responsibilities and perhaps tell myself that it wasn't me that was alcoholic, it was him, but I wasn't sure it would make sense so I kept it to myself (which, thinking about now, probably was a dumb thing to do).
This phenom of replacement of self, with new self, is apparent to the newcomer in that it's hard to believe that this healthy looking happy group of people once were lowly, lonesome, and destitute drunks. What happened to them? How did they evolve?
Right Dean... how? I can't wait to spend my life figuring it out. I think that might be the fun part?
Some of you know, I was avoiding seeing my in laws yesterday. Running around town for almost 7 hrs, with nothing left to do but realize it was stupid to be hiding again. I was in the process of working up the courage to just go home and face them, and then I got the call that Max was in the ER. Then I had no choice, I raced there as fast I could, knowing I would face them, and it didn't matter. Realizing I would do anything for this little boy, who I took care of so carelessly felt good. I was sober to be able to drive a little over the speed limit, and not worry about the cops. I was sober. I WAS SOBER! My HP is working with me, and I can feel it again. I thought about "what if I would have been home, I would have watched him, and he wouldn't have fell" But then I thought of all the times that could have happened, and I wouldn't have been able to drive him to the ER. How awful. I can stay sober for all the trips anywhere in the future. I thought of all the times my dad did drive me to the ER, or home from this or that place, NOT SOBER. Do I condemn him? No, it's a disease. We are alive this day to heal inside together. Decided not to dwell on the past (new for me). Just accept, move on, and STAY SOBER! I can stay sober today.
Thanks to all in this thread, who I can't wait to turn on my computer because of! : )
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
