An AA that I went to outpatient and a couple of meetings with took his own life yesterday. For the benefit of myself and others I shall share a bit of Patrick's tale.
He had stopped going to meetings and started drinking again. The personal behaviors he displayed were self-serving and self-centered. He expressed strong resentments regarding his ex-wife. His relapse lasted approximately 18 months.
I do not wish to, nor intend to take his inventory. That was his job. It is my responsibility to relay the cautionary tale AND to be grateful to MY God for my daily reprieve from my alcoholism and the Life, Love and Forgiveness that only my god can provide me with.
There, with Patrick, but for the Grace of God, would I go if I were to take back my will from God, take that first drink, and let alcohol and myself become my higher power. Thy Will, Not Mine, Be Done.
Hi Rob, I am sorry about your friend. It is always sad when someone, for reasons known only to God, just does not get this program. My regret is that they did not get the wonderful life that I got, when they really did deserve it. But it doesn't frighten me into wanting to stay sober. If, heaven forbid, I found myself in Patrick's position, I might well find death a relief, an end to the suffering. In the BB somewhere it says "We will wish for the end". I have an idea of what that feels like. But through the steps I have been taken away from those dismal circumstances, the sober life is so attractive to me now, that I remain willing to go to any lengths to keep it. Rob, it's so great to hear from you and know that you are on the same path as me.
I'm sorry for your loss Aquaman. It's truly unfortunate that someone had to die, but they do. It's sad to hear stories like your friend there, especially with all that's going on in recovery nowadays. The sad reality to all this besides the loss of your friend is what didn't happen and should of. There are numerous recovery outlets that could have saved his life, but he chose to drink again and that's a crying shame. You're right Aquaman, by the grace of God go we. And for that...be grateful.
Always tough to watch someone succumb to this awful disease. It was the death of my best drinking/drugging buddy "Ronnie" (RIP) that solidified my dedication to follow every suggestion that I'd ever heard, in order to stay sober. My sobriety took on a new purpose, in not letting Ronnie's death be in vain. Something good was to become of it, and that was my continued sobriety. Ronnie was extremely popular, had dozens of friends show up at his house on friday eves just have a couple of beers with him. I had genuine survivors guilt when he died. I wondered why God took him and left a relatively unpopular man like me. I believe the answer was that Ronnie's death was a message to us all. I'm glad that I received that message, in time.
Rob, thank you for sharing this story. It's another reminder that this diesase kills. Bottomline- it wants us dead. My Sponsor informed me early on that the longer I stayed sober, the more bodies I would have to step over to maintain my seat in AA. Prayers sent to you and the family of the Alcoholic.
Mahalo Rob for bringing that here and for the reminder that it is by the grace of God a power greater than myself that I also was able to get by my oppositional defiant personality and stay alcohol free (not sober yet) until the lessons on relapse came about. My relationship with God was good and God was doing most of the work with it until I became more aware and responsible to my own recovery. We will step over many bodies of those who have tried the best they could and were taken down anyway. I have stood around those who have died under the influence of alcohol again and those who have died under the influence of AA and a power greater than alcohol. I want to be in the last group sitting with another brother or sister looking to get and stay sober and sharing the program with them when this piece of the journey is done.
You're doing good Rob...keep it up and Mahalo again for participating in this sobriety. ((((hugs)))) ((((Patrick))))
I do a lot of sponsorship and I also work in the field of alcoholism. I see this a lot. The ones who leave and never come back. I remember when I lost my first one, a 28 year old man with a bright future who got into some trouble and got himself locked up. He hung himself in jail. His name was Reg. My boss told me that after a few years my skin would get thicker. Well, I had a friend named Ben who hung himself from a ceiling fan and then there was Tom who hung himself from a tree, Timmy put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. Danny Boy strangled on his own vomit. And there are lots whose bodies were so ravaged by the alcohol and drugs that they just stopped working. My skin isn't any thicker today than it was then and like the man said:
"but for the Grace of God, would I go if I were to take back my will from God, take that first drink, and let alcohol and myself become my higher power."
Hope I wasn't too graphic but alcoholism is no joke. It will kill us if we mess with it. Mine is out in the parking lot doing pushups, just waiting for me to forget who I am.
__________________
Not all my days are priceless, but none of my days are worthless, anymore.
((((Patrick))))